Presence

Today was a day of love, connection and gratitude, very suitable for the first day of the new year.  As far as love and connection; I met with a newly recovering addict/client, went to a recovery meeting and had very fulfilling interactions with my wife.  With each event I could feel the love and connection, wonderful.  In terms of gratitude; I reflected on the beauty of the fresh snow and how much more pleasant my life is now, versus some past times.  Like Maria commented, “it could be a lot worse”.  In all cases I was simply present.

Neither Black Nor White

The snow has been falling all day in Flagstaff, sometimes heavily, sometimes not, resulting in around a foot of accumulation.  The snow is quite beautiful, pure, silent and gentle as it falls and accumulates.  The snow is also hard and unforgiving, requiring an increase in our work and adaptation.  Like much of nature, the results are mixed.  To me, part of being awake and aware is witnessing and appreciating the “mix” of any situation, embracing the whole.  In the past, I attempted to see only part of the mix, depending on my mood.  However, that was not realty.

The Impact of Love

In 1993, when I was completing my masters in social work, I commented to one of my professors that they had taught me many fine tools and, with the addition of love, they all worked very well, without that addition none of them did.  Tonight I was reading in “National Geographic” about brain development in infants and it is clear that the same applies.  Love, connection and nurturing, though non-physical, has a very real and physical impact on  development.  Love, connection and nurturing also, except in a very simplistic way, do not fit within the paradigm of scientific studies or the experimental method.  However, they are very real, we just cannot understand them in that way.

Fear, the Illusion

This was another day where I could watch myself very clearly flip-flopping back and forth between fear and love.  My fears basically surround the publication of a book I just wrote, but if I allow it, the fears spread to other aspects of my life.  The fears, which I know to be illusory, tells me things like “I need to talk to so and so” or that “I need to take some sort of action”.  The fact is that if I take those actions, I am “feeding” the fear and it becomes more intense.  On the other hand, if I meditate and achieve a loving state of mind, I know that everything is as it should be and that I need take no action at this time.

Simplicity

Once again, the Friends (Quaker) meeting was about the simplicity of love.  During the day today, I have also had several interactions with the same theme.  As I have commented many times today, we humans are very good at complicating our love with desires, attachments, dependency and materialism.  Leading a simple life and using the three questions (Would I do this in front of God; Is this really my responsibility; Will this increase the integrity of the universe) keeps me on track.

Focus on Love & Being of Service

I found myself saying today that I am a physical mess and that I don’t care, then I quickly amended that statement by admitting that it was an “inconvenience”.  The fact is that I am getting older, am disabled and have a speech impediment, all of which dramatically effect my life.  On the one hand, I spend a large portion of my life performing activities to minimize the impact of these inconveniences, therapeutic exercising and such.  I also recall that in 1988 I was working on learning how to crawl in physical therapy and just beginning to attempt moving and walking without the assistance of crutches, so I am grateful for the abilities that I have.  The main reason that my thoughts are not consumed with obsessing or worrying about my limitations is my focus on love, being of service and eternity.

Perspective

I find that I no longer identify with most of the things that other people seem to consider important.  I feel a strong love for everyone and realize that we humans are fairly silly, and not nearly as gifted or special as we think we are.  My point of view makes it difficult or impossible to be angry at anyone, sort of like it being difficult to be angry at a cute, lovable puppy.  I also realize that most of the life events, that used to seem important, actually mean next to nothing.  I tend to find much of life engaging and somewhat amusing.

Health & Healing

On my doctor’s recommendation, I checked out her website and particularly the “wellness” section, which contained numerous suggestions about maintaining a healthy life style.  Things like diet, exercise, minimizing the risk of heart problems and various types of self-examination.  I realized that I do all of the things that were recommended plus a great deal more. The great deal more that I do includes attitudinal healing, visualization and hands-on healing or healing touch; basically, things that I have found to be helpful, but that are not linear, logical, scientific or evidence based, though all are supported by anecdotal evidence.  It is my experience that a great deal of health and healing falls outside of the relatively simplistic, scientific model or paradigm.

Gratitude

This was a day of extreme gratitude.  I have to admit that the conditions in my life are less than ideal, but the thought and reality that keeps occurring to me is that “things could be a lot worse”.  In fact, conditions in my life were a lot worse not many years ago.  On the one hand, I have a few “Cadillac” problems like my concerns over publication of a book I just finished, a roof that has some problems, or the fact that I am disabled.  On the other hand I just had a good meal, have a warm bed and am very healthy other than my disability.  I also have a strong spiritual connection and spend each day walking and acting with love; pretty good!

Attachments

The theme for the day was “attachment”.  I spoke of attachments at length with another recovering person, focusing, in part, on the fact that any attachment, any emotional involvement, clouds our view of day to day events.  Attachments prevent us from being aware and awake, but they certainly add to the drama!  Attachments also prevent us from being free to float down the river without grasping.  I then talked with my wife, Maria, about the fact that our roof is going to require some expensive work, uncovering her attachment to the money.  I could feel myself getting drawn in to the worry but the fact is that we still have our relationship, our love and the loss of some money will not change that.