God Seed 2

In my case, I used to be totally focused on money, power, prestige, material possessions and intellectual achievement.  Along with this focus was a fear-based approach to life.  In a nutshell, I went to work and accomplished things because I was afraid of what would happen if I did not.  I was trying to please other people, like my parents, as my primary measure of success.  I felt stress and was “driven” to succeed.  I recognize now that my actions were “feeding” the part of myself that was based on fear.  At this point my focus is on doing the “next right thing”, what is right for me and being in harmony with God/love and the universe.  In short, I now have a very love-based approach to life.  I am now feeding the “God seed”.  Having done them both, I realize that the potential for each is inside me and I also see each in the people around me.  I cannot judge others since I know the potential for each is there and each approach feels very real when using it.

The God/love Seed

Tonight in my recovery meeting I heard a story about moving through anger in response to a situation to love and forgiveness, and not understanding, in a human sense, where the forgiveness came from.  As far as I can tell, we all have that capability inside us, waiting for it to be awakened and nurtured.  I call that part the “God Seed” in each of us, that part that is connected to God/love and is based on love, connectedness, compassion and forgiveness.  I see evidence of that part of us in moving news reports, what goes viral in social media, topics in movies and day to day events.  I also see evidence of the aggressive, fear based part.  I am intimately familiar with each and I now choose the love-based approach.

Forgiveness

I have been struck by the forgiveness response of the parishioners from the Episcopal Church, in Charleston, S.C. where last weeks shooting took place.  It occurs to me that their response fits nicely within the three questions I use to determine my own actions (Would I do this in front of God?; Is it really my responsibility?; Will this increase the integrity of the universe?).  A response of retribution would clearly not increase the integrity of the universe, though it would not be surprising.  Their response increases the amount of love in the world.

Healing Touch

Daily I perform healing touch on myself, funneling loving energy into my hands and then, using intent, to other parts of my body.  I do both a general sweep of my whole body and also target specific areas of concern, like my brain, heart, hearing, skin lesions, cysts and joint problems.  I have had very beneficial results in all of the areas I have just mentioned, avoiding surgery and other complications.  I find that doing the healing is now simply part of my day-to-day activities and that beneficial results are assumed, as part of the life of Charlie.  Recently I have noticed that a sizable lump of scar tissue, which has been there for close to sixty years, has also disappeared, an example of collateral healing, since it was not targeted.  That pleases me.

Limited View

I like the analogy of an armadillo trying to grasp the reality of a car, as being similar to a human being trying to grasp the mystery of life.  The armadillo has very limited vision and can only see, for example, a portion of one tire.  In the armadillo’s case, thinking that the tire is representative of the whole leads to a gross misunderstanding.  Similarly, our understanding of life is likely to be limited and distorted by “nearsighted” vision.  The fact is that we do not know what is good/bad, beneficial or not.  During my meditation time, and during my life in general, events that I once considered bad were clearly beneficial.

Tragedy

A big question that keeps coming up is how a loving and compassionate God can allow all of the tragic events that happen in this world, things like death, murders, war or extreme poverty.  I can only speak with certainty about the “tragic” events that have happened in my own life, the rest is theoretical.  In my own life I can look at things like chronic pain, extreme pain or disability and see clear spiritual and emotional benefits from each.  I also realize that the growth or benefits outweigh the tragic aspects.  I suspect that the same is true of tragic events in the lives of other people, though often hard to see.  I believe that there are long term benefits that are often hard or impossible for us to see.

Loving Laughter

It’s of great value for me to be able to laugh at myself, to not take myself so seriously. Not laughing in any sort of derisive, judgmental or critical way but a gentle, compassionate and loving laughter.  The kind of laughter that I feel toward the antics of the pigeons that come to the bird feeder in my backyard.  That kind of laughter does not put myself down, but does prevent my ego from exerting itself in negative ways, like judging others or entitlement.

Sweat Lodge

We, Maria and myself, did that sweat lodge I spoke of a few days ago.  The lodge was primarily for young men in early recovery.  The ceremony went very well and ended up having a large impact on several people.  The lodge was also very hot and physically devastating for me, though a spiritually wonderful & very fulfilling experience.  I was impressed by the fact that the lodge developed spiritual power as Maria and I performed the normal blessings and ceremonies in preparation for the lodge ceremony.  The spirits were familiar and different at the same time.

Being Human

Tonight, in response to the question of what “works for me” I commented that it helped me to realize that I was just a ridiculous human and so was everyone else.  Not to be offensive or demeaning but the fact is that many of my thoughts are pretty silly.  For example, I experience fears about things that will either never happen or have no significance.  I can also take offense at things that are none of my business or that I have no need to take personally.   I need not act on these thoughts, just watch them come and go - love myself and be amused.

Self Care

I spent a good part of the day napping and resting, in response to being tired from the family weekend I just went through.  I was pleased that my body recognized the need for rest and acted accordingly, rather than simply plunging on regardless of personal condition, which has been my approach in the past.  If I recognize and take care of my own needs, I am more available to be of service to others, a win-win situation.  If I do not I provide a poor model and wear myself down.