Balance

The topic for today’s recovery meeting was "loneliness", which used to be a big problem for me but, I realized, is no longer. My present life-style makes it pretty much impossible to feel lonely. I begin each day connecting with that force or power behind the universe that I call God or love and immersing myself in that feeling. I then spend a good part of the rest of the day connecting with others and "giving away" that feeling. I also enjoy several periods of solitude during the day. As I mentioned today, the balance between these activities changes each day. There are some days that I interact with others little or not at all. This is all quite a change from the way I used to be.

Connection

I spend the majority of each day in close connection with that force or power behind the universe that I call God or love. I generally feel like I am in partnership with that power, though I am very aware that I am only the actor and that my partner is all knowing and a great deal more powerful. I simply follow my partners lead and do what I am told. I feel the power most strongly when I get up in the middle of the night to pray and meditate and also when I work with others, both of which I do daily. Today Maria, my wife, commented that it was like "dancing with a thousand pound gorilla", a very apt description.

The love/God Seed

Today was primarily a day of restoration after the intensity of the family work I have been talking about for the last couple of days. It was also a day of reflecting on the fact that I really am what I call a "dreamer". My experience has shown me that there is a love/God "seed" , element or part in each one of us which is waiting to be nurtured and developed. Right now, the common human pattern is that some sort of tragedy is required for that seed to be expressed. Once developed it is also possible for expression of the love seed to be part of daily life, a fulfilling way to live.

Self-care

This was a very long, difficult, intense and ultimately rewarding day. My day began at 7:30 and ended at 4:30, which is long for this 67 year old, disabled person! During the day I connected briefly, or longer with several individuals and had long sessions with a couple of families. I was present and enjoyed all of the interactions. I also, intentionally, built into the day several half hour periods for meditation, contemplation and peace. Pacing myself is very important if I am to remain present and do what I do.

Intuition

Today was a busy and long day of working with their family members along with the newly recovering addicts/alcoholics that I frequently interact with. I noticed several times that I kept checking with my intuitive sense about what to say and when to say it. What I mean is that I just kept checking inside for the feeling that told me to say or not say certain things. Today that sense was working well and I had the feeling of being well connected.

Harmony 2

Yesterdays realization that the feeling of being disharmonious was really just a phase of being harmonious was strangely comforting for me. I am reminded of the words of Marianne Williamson, when she wrote "Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us." I just keep pushing myself to change, learn and grow. That is not always comfortable since having the courage to face my fears just feels like fear and doing it anyway. Living in paradox is very fulfilling!

Harmony

Tonight during the meeting of the men’s group I belong to I spoke of feeling a lack of harmony with the universe, feeling disharmonious. The feeling is due to the fact that I am in the midst of changes in my life. It doesn’t really matter what those changes are, just that various aspects of my life are unsettled. Something that was pointed out tonight, which I had not thought of, is that disharmony is a normal part of harmony. The feeling just means that I am changing. I recall a comment that I have made many times, that "if you’re not on the edge your taking to much room", meaning you’re not taking the risk of changing and growing.

Being At Peace

Many years ago I placed a lot of value on my intellectual achievements, financial status, outward appearance and material possessions.  I was also highly competitive and judgmental, a typical “type A” personality.  I had an ulcer, other stress related problems and was commended for my approach to life.  I was not peaceful, serene or happy.  At this point in my life I still have my intellectual achievements, similar financial status and some material possessions, all of which I enjoy and am grateful for.  I am not competitive or judgmental at all.  I place value on my spiritual connection, love and relationships.  I am also peaceful and serene.

The God/Love Seed

Today at the Friend’s meeting, after silent worship, we had a presentation by David Zarembka of the African Great Lakes Initiative (AGLI).  The talk was about spiritual and emotional healing between the Hutu and Tutsi survivors of the Rwandan genocide.  It was a moving talk which, to me, demonstrated, clearly, that within each of us is the God/love seed and also the seed or potential for violence, hate and destruction.  In my life I have felt and experienced each and it is also clear to me that which gets expressed depends on which you feed.

Healing

Tonight Maria, my wife, cut her hand pretty badly and I did healing touch on the wound, which was very effective in helping it heal.  She spoke of that ability as “amazing”, and I guess it is.  The ability is quite a gift and I don’t even pretend to understand how it works, just that it does.  I suspect that the ability is a major part of the reason I am doing as well as I am.  I guess I should just be grateful and say “thank you”!