Life Happens

Today was my 31 year anniversary of being free from alcohol and drugs so one of the feelings I had today was extreme gratitude. One of the other things that happened today was life, meaning that I encountered a number of challenges. The first challenge was early this morning trying to explain and resolve a problem over the phone, something which seldom goes well and that I find extremely frustrating because of my speech impediment. In this case I eventually asked my wife to help out and the problem was resolved - I think. Later on today I went to see my primary care physician, who makes an effort to be holistic but is still allopathic so she thinks in terms of pathology, prevention and potential harm. I think in terms of health, love and potential well being. In terms of physical health and given my disability, I am doing well, which she acknowledges. Part of my success has resulted from not accepting the allopathic approach to health.

The Presence of That Force

On the 11^th I will have been in recovery from drugs and alcohol for 31 years, as long as I drank. As usually happens around my anniversary, I have been reflecting on my life for the last 31 years. One thing that really stands out to me is that I would be very foolish and "unscientific" to not acknowledge the presence of some sort of universal force that I now call God.  The fact is that I have had my life saved twice in miraculous ways, had several cuts, burns and physical problems healed and have experienced several miraculous life events, all with no logical explanation. I don’t pretend to understand that force, but rely on it daily and know it exists. I also have no problem turning my life and will over to it.

Staying on Track

I "play my piano and sing my little song", meaning I am one simple man doing my best. I attempt to take action according to the questions I outline in my book (would I do this in front of God?; is it really my responsibility?; will this increase the integrity of the universe?), simple questions that are difficult to answer. My daily practice of meditation and asking for guidance makes it possible for me to stay on track.

Faith

The topic for today’s recovery meeting was "faith" and, as a result of my reflecting on the topic, I have realized that I have a very deep faith that everything in my life will be just fine. I also realized that I haven’t the slightest idea what that will look like and that I very possibly won’t like it. I come to those conclusions because of my own history and observation of others. For example, I don’t really like my disability but also realize that it could be a great deal worse and that dealing with it has pushed me into a spiritual and loving life that is wonderful beyond my imaginings. The rest of my life is much the same - if I pay attention.

Silly Human

Tonight I found myself chuckling a bit at my own foolishness. What happened revolves around a person in my life where there is friction between us, which, I believe, is caused largely by his reaction to me. Today it was suggested that I do a daily "loving kindness" meditation toward him, meaning that I visualize him, send him love and support and wish him a loving, wonderful and very fulfilling life. I actually have done that but only periodically and when the mood struck me. The part that I was chuckling about is that when she suggested I do it daily, I felt immediate resistance and also a knowing that it was the right thing to do. I recognize and even have some fondness for that resistant part of myself, but I generally either don’t act on it or apologize when I do. I began my daily practice of the meditation tonight.

Following A Spiritual Path

As I have pointed out many times, when I got into recovery I had no intention of changing my focus to spiritual growth. Life circumstances took me in that direction. I had been following a path of increasing intellectual achievement and material acquisition, a path I have de-emphasized since it did not result in the fulfillment I was seeking. I still enjoy intellectual achievement and material possessions but I find fulfillment in my spiritual practices and sense of love, connectedness and inclusiveness. As a result, my interactions with people and this planet have changed dramatically and I think that others could benefit from a similar change.

A Different Approach

I went to the movie "Concussion", starring Will Smith today and found myself identifying very strongly with the doctor who discovered the significance of head trauma. He ended up bucking the power and financial control of the NFL. In my case, I keep emphasizing the importance of love, connectedness and inclusiveness which is counter to individuality, competitiveness, short term and material gain at all cost. The reason I take my approach is that I have tried both and find my current approach extremely fulfilling and it does not result in destroying each other or this planet.

My Contribution

This morning the person I was talking to made reference to the chaos and destruction going on in the world and I responded that I felt peaceful inside. I attempt to carry that feeling of peace, love and compassion with me all day. Later on this morning I also commented that I will do everything I can to share and propagate that feeling, a small and large thing at the same time. I am only one person but I can do that, actually I can do no less.

Loving Connection

This was a very enjoyable day, a day full of loving connections and increasing the integrity of the universe. The day started with setting up for & then attending a recovery meeting, complete with numerous interactions before and after the meeting. That was followed by leading two therapeutic groups and multiple e-mail exchanges. There was a strong feeling of deep connection in all of the activities. Not bad for a guy that used to be isolated!

Resolutions

Today, as in years of the past, I kept hearing about the idea of making resolutions to make my life better & the fact is that I tend not to make them. My approach is that through my daily meditation practice I become acutely aware both of the changes I could make to improve my situation, and my resistance to making those changes. For example, I became aware that for weight and health reasons I would be better off eliminating the chocolate bits from the trail mix that I snack on during the day. I was also aware that I enjoyed the sweetness and taste of the chocolate & did not want to give it up. I have added dried fruit for sweetness and eliminated chocolate, a good compromise that is working.