Material Things

Tonight I worked for a while on firming up some of the joints in our dining room chairs in preparation for moving. The chairs are hand made, kitchen, Windsor side chairs made of mixed woods and are a little less than two hundred years old. They are a set of five (used to be six) that I purchased at an auction many years ago because they were cheap and no-one wanted them. They were in rough, as is, condition. I really like them because they were obviously made with care, respect for the qualities of the different types of wood and by hand. It is also obvious that they have each had a varied, rich and difficult at times life. I respect and enjoy their presence.

Faith

I ventured, for a time, into very human feelings of loss, grief, anticipation and worry about the changes that are now taking place in my life and possible future outcomes and challenges. I was preoccupied with potential or real events from the past or future. In any case my feelings took me out of the present. Right now I choose to be in the present and also have the confidence or faith that the future will turn out well, if I pay attention and do the next right thing.

Taking Action

It’s time for me to step up and be the person I can be if I stay humble, always act according to the three questions that are the central focus of my book and keep God as my partner. That all sounds like a tall order, requiring a lot of discipline and it is if I look at the big picture but not if I stick to considering individual small tasks. For example, today the office of deeds and certificates in NC called wanting additional information in order for them to find my father’s death certificate. I asked Maria, my wife, to respond for me since I have difficulty communicating due to my speech impediment. I then realized that it would "increase the integrity of the universe" if I made the call myself. I asked for guidance and support and made the call which, of course, went very well and they found the certificate, very simple. I need to make similar choices in other, less trivial, aspects of my life, and then model that for others.

Prayer & Meditation

It’s now morning and I feel refreshed, clear, alert & at peace. Yesterday I spent a good bit of time, several hours, considering (not fretting) various future housing options. Then last night I had very poor sleep because of fretting over those same options. I then spent a couple of hours praying, meditating and turning my life & will over, decidedly not thinking about housing options. After that I started what I call "zoning", a form of deep meditation which begins with a focus on the absolute feelings of love, gratitude & peace. All of a sudden it was three hours later and I feel wonderful!

The Love Force

I had a "near death experience" (N.D.E.) and, at that time I was told "This is what it feels like to be dead", a force or feeling that I identify with extreme and unconditional love. I experienced none of the imagery generally reported by others who have experienced an N.D.E, just the force or feeling. That force or feeling is constant among the reports, the imagery is not. I use the word "God" for what I experienced, but the use of that name is not important. That creative force, whatever name a person uses is important. In quantum physics they talk about and use forces to alter particles, the similarity is unmistakable..

A Different View

The fact that material success or achievement does not bring the happiness frequently implied by various advertisements has certainly been true in my life and has also been mentioned by many spiritual leaders. I like the gentle way that the Dalai Lama puts it, that "Yet strangely, my impression is that those living in the materially developed countries, for all their industry, are in some ways less satisfied, are less happy and to some extent suffer more than those living in the least developed countries." He calls for a "spiritual revolution", putting more emphasis on "love and compassion, patience, tolerance, forgiveness, contentment, a sense of responsibility, a sense of harmony". That shift has worked for me, leading to a very fulfilling life.

Change

It’s amusing, entertaining, uncomfortable and frustrating to watch myself switch attitudes from thinking and feeling that the changing I’m going through is a bit too fast, to feeling impatience at the slowness. I can make that switch in a heartbeat. The two opposing attitudes seem to be a normal part of being in the midst of change. When I meditate I get a strong feeling of peace and that the universe is unfolding just fine. Time to meditate!

Following Guidance

We had our monthly men’s meeting tonight and I talked about my coming move and the fact that I feel a strong spiritual calling to go back east to around the D.C. area in Maryland. I also talked about the same with Maria, my wife, later in the evening and it occurs to me that on the one hand I am quite certain of the spiritual importance and significance of the move. And on the other hand I am "lost in a trackless desert", meaning that I have no even slightly conventional goal in mind like getting a degree, training or job promotion. I want to play my part but have no idea what that is!

Searching

I have been thinking about the joke in which a man is looking for his lost watch under a street lamp, when in fact he lost the watch in a nearby dark alley. When asked why he is looking under the street lamp he replies "because this is where the light is". The fact is that I looked for happiness and satisfaction in my life through intellect, accomplishment and material possessions because my parents, friends and the TV told me that I would find them there, that was where the light was. I have since learned that I needed to look in the dark alley of feelings, vulnerability, love and relationships. As a result of looking in that dark alley and then developing what I found there, I now have a very meaningful and fulfilling life.

Spirituality

Recently I have been looking into particle physics and quantum mechanics, from a spiritual, love based perspective. In the past I have immersed myself in the writings of some of the mystical Christian Saints like Teresa of Avila or John of the Cross. I have also explored the Buddhism of Wolfgang Kopp and the Hinduism of Nisargadata Maharaj. I spent several years experiencing Native American spirituality and many hours in both traditional and non-traditional sweat lodges. I have felt a strong identity with them all and have a very strong sense that in each case they are experiencing and describing the same things, often using different words. I have also come to know that the words used do not matter.