Preparing For a Long Day

Today was a very busy day. The day began with doing a dawn ceremony, doing some exercise and then going to a Friend’s meeting, an important beginning to prepare myself for the rest of the day. The most time consuming part of the day was a visit and meal with seven of my in-laws. During the visit the talk was almost entirely about trivial topics, which is difficult for me and I don’t do well with large groups. I kept asking for guidance, beginning with the dawn ceremony. The dawn ceremony consisted of me blessing the plants and environment by feeling grateful, loving, smelling the morning smells, listening to the morning sounds and telling the plants they are beautiful. I felt totally connected.

Modern Physics

I have been reading The Big Picture: On the Origins of Life, Meaning, and the Universe Itself, by physicist Sean Carroll. He and some other physicists seem to have the point of view "that the universe is something like a computer. You enter an input (the state of the universe right now), it does its calculation (the laws of physics) and it gives you an output (the state of the universe one moment later)." Personally, I have tried this point of view and found it inadequate to explain the unusual metaphysical phenomena such as those I mention particularly in the second chapter of my book (Understanding is not Required). On the other hand the force and power of love fits nicely into the field theory of quantum mechanics.

Quiet Day

The activities of today remind me of comments like "split wood and carry water" or "first the ecstacy then the dishes". The fact is that the intensity yesterday’s experience of communicating with the spirit of Peter was all I could take for a while, so today was a grounding day. I spent most of the day exercising and cleaning toilets, very down to earth and humbling. I also had periods of prayer and meditation, contemplation and planning for parts of my next book.

Eternity

Maria and I attended a Friend’s worship session tonight which also turned out to be a memorial service. I ended up communicating with the spirit of the dead person during the proceedings, a very moving experience. During his life on this planet the deceased, Peter, had numerous challenges and a very difficult time. He was now within the love, connection and eternity of the Absolute, doing very well and his troubles were over. Several people spoke of their experiences with Peter, with his brother and a long-time friend really standing out to me. The friend described a time when Peter came to his rescue during a painful social event and how grateful he was. Peter wanted me to convey to the friend that the instance and love of his friend was also a gift to Peter. In my typical manner, I spent quite a while explaining to Peter’s spirit that I could not do that since I did not know either of them and it would be weird. After considerable urging, I finally talked to the friend who was very grateful and did not question or doubt me at all.

Dealing With Fears

I watch people dealing with their fear and insecurities in a variety of non-functional ways, usually while also not admitting the driving force. For example they can appear very erudite, using big words, work all the time, have a lot of money, always be active or talk loudly and a lot, all in an attempt to feel happy and cover up the fear and insecurity they feel. I refer to these responses as non-functional because they work minimally, for a short time or not at all. I recognize the pattern, in part, because I used to do the same. I was and they are simply doing the best they can and doing what the culture tells them what will make them feel better. At this point I readily admit my fears and insecurities. I also embrace and love them as a charming and sometimes silly part of my humanity. I then attempt to focus on love, peace, connection and eternity. My approach feels very real, present and fulfilling.

Worldly Concerns

It’s very easy for me to get "off the beam" spiritually, to start believing in the chaos, disorder, pain and fear of this world rather than the peace, love and connectedness of my God nature. Listening to the news, paying attention to Facebook or even attending to the chatter of the announcers during a ball game all tend to pull me toward trivial worldly concerns. Their "call" is loud, I don’t even have to believe in them. On the other hand sitting and quietly meditating or walking around this property blessing the plants as I go brings me back to the "I am" I wish to be. I would rather base my life on love and peace rather than fear and pain.

I am

My wife and I are staying with her mother in her home in MD while we look for a home of our own. The property is not densely wooded but has a number of large trees and several bushes, of a variety of species. Tonight, at my wife’s urging, I went out to bless the trees and bushes. Much to my surprise, I automatically went into a very powerful, connected and loving consciousness with the plants. I became the same person I become when doing a healing or during an intense therapeutic session, the person I think of as the "I am" part, the God part. I recall the comment by Sri Nisargadatta Maharaj; "Get to know that "I am" without words which arises in the morning. Knowing the Self, abiding in the Self-knowledge, is not a mere intellectual knowing. You must be that, and you should not move away from it. Remain firm." Staying in that place and being that person is a challenge for me.

Relaxing

Today I found myself getting angry at silly little things like the post office not forwarding our mail "correctly" or the computer not behaving the way I wanted, a clear sign that I was overly tired and needed more relaxing and sorting time. I need to realize that recent life events like this move or yesterday’s deciding on a house to buy, are big deals emotionally. I need to do things like going to recovery meetings and relaxing.

Prayer & Meditation

We made our initial offer on a house today and were assured by our realtor that it was a solid offer that the sellers will take seriously & then counter. In the end we had a choice between two very similar houses. One house was actually a bit larger, with a smaller lot and was recently fixed up to sell. The house was several thousands cheaper and the smaller lot size meant lower annual taxes. That house was also more stark and less soft and welcoming in ambience. The second house, and the one we chose, had more of a relaxing, welcoming, retreat atmosphere primarily because of its lot, trees and deck. The second house was more expensive but less fixed up and it was clear during last night’s meditation that it was worth the extra expense. We chose the less practical and more expensive option since it felt right to do so.

Being Of Service

Things seem to be coming together here, a good feeling. We now have two houses that we can afford and look like good choices. We have also found some stores with decent prices and the, mostly organic, food we like. Most important of all I am gaining some clarity about the need here for my message of spirituality, healing, love and connection. I have begun connecting with the people at a place in Columbia where I suspect that I will be able to present workshops in spiritual connection, a place where I can volunteer and be of service.