Respect

I have a desire to reach out to the people I contact daily and offer them a more fulfilling life through spirituality and connection in general - or am I just being a bit arrogant. Other people being receptive to my message depends on them believing that something is missing from their lives - which many (perhaps most!) people do not believe. The difference between us is shown nicely by the driving attitudes I spoke of a few days ago. My tendency is to drive at a moderate speed, be present, be relaxed and connect. While their approach is to get where they are going, as quickly as possible. They see me as an impediment and in need of speeding up. My best approach is to respect where they are coming from, get out of the way as much as possible, and leave them alone as long as their life is working for them.

Signs

On our way traveling across the country we stopped for the night at a camping area in Oklahoma. As is my practice, I got up to pray, meditate and contemplate in the middle of the night and there in the glow of my headlamp, right in front of our tent an orb-web spider was making her web. She worked very hard, made a beautiful web and caught a few insects by morning. She did not become famous and the only people who knew of and appreciated her labors were my wife and myself. I was emotionally and spiritually impacted by the sight, taking it to be symbolic of the work I was about to begin in Maryland. Today I was reminded of this experience and my role here by a beautiful orb-web and spider in the backyard, glowing because of the sunlight(?) on it. The strange part was that it was not there when I tried to show it to Maria a few minutes later. Understanding is not required.

Being Present

In my quest to be of service to the people in this area I am trying to understand them. Most of them, though certainly not all, are very immersed in worldly things, anxious and angry, more so in MD than they were in Flagstaff. This attitude is quite apparent when driving. I generally drive at two to three miles per hour above the speed limit. I usually gather a line of cars behind me that want to go faster and, given an opportunity, the drivers let me know of their displeasure and tell me I should speed up. When this happens I have a very strong urge to speed up and join them so I set my cruise control to my standard two to three miles per hour above the speed limit, relax and be present.

Physics

I have been reading, studying and contemplating modern physics and considering how to reconcile it with the spiritual realities and ideas that I am familiar with. Sean Carroll points out that "In modern parlance, Laplace was pointing out that the universe is something like a computer. You enter an input (the state of the universe right now), it does its calculation (the laws of physics) and it gives you an output (the state of the universe one moment later)." Then on the other hand he comments that "There is much we don’t know about how the world works". It’s clear that the core theory of physics explains the vast majority of what happens in this world, but not everything, the force and power of love comes to mind, along with various phenomena.

Listening

I must have really listened to the words I wrote for the last few days because I feel a great deal better, though nothing has changed, it is still too hot, too humid and I still have mouth pain. Journaling certainly helps pull the truth out and clarify issues. During my writing or working with others I frequently say or write things I need to pay attention to. I also stay open to the comments of others. It often helps to quiet the ego in the process.

Dealing with difficulties 2

After a period of some self-centered stewing about the negative aspects (too hot, too humid, mouth pain) of my current situation, I realized that I needed to pay attention to the words I said yesterday. Additionally, I needed to acknowledge my own difficulties while focusing on the needs of others. It also helps to be grateful for my gifts. That all sounds easy but I don’t find it so.

Dealing With Defects

My comments of two days ago about embracing my "defects" or the undesirable aspects of self came up again several times today. The source of that comment is that if I accept those parts of myself, admit them openly and apply a little gentle loving laughter when I spot them, they lose their power over me and can drift away like clouds in the sky. On the other hand if I fight them they are likely to get stronger and, at the very least, have power over me as I oppose them. Once I accept them, they become shadows of their former selves, or go away.

Being Human

Today I was very aware that I am not the person I would like to be. I am the inspiration and model for a goodly number of people and that is quite genuine. I freely and openly admit to my many less than loving thoughts and attraction to distractions of all sorts. I also get embroiled in day to day activities, thinking them to have some importance. These are all wonderful parts of being human - including the inspiration part. This is all part of being "Charlie" and a good part of why I write this blog rather than sequestering myself from life’s process. I embrace all I just spoke of.

Being at Peace

Today was a "taking care of business" kind of day and, as often happens during this sort of day, I note how easy it is to be pulled off of the spiritual, love-based path. I paid bills, took the car in to get it worked on and answered correspondence. I had to keep reminding myself and bringing myself back to feelings of love, peace, well-being and compassion, feelings I identify with God. A comment by Saint Faustina helped me a lot; "When a soul has come out of these tribulations, it is deeply humble. Its purity of soul is great. It knows better without need of reflecting, as it were, what it ought too do at a given moment and what to forbear. It feels the lightest touch of grace and is very faithful to God. It recognizes God from afar and continuously rejoices in Him. It discovers God very quickly in other souls and in its environment in general." It’s good to cherish the gift of life.

Connection

I have been feeling grateful for the several people I have connected with during the last few days. Yesterday I went to a new (good meeting - but way to big!) recovery meeting with one of the people I am getting to know. We also talked for a while. She is helping me fit in to the recovery community here. Today I spent some time with the Friends, talking and connecting. It’s really nice to have these groups and be open to their welcoming assistance. Not surprisingly, they are wanting to talk about life’s struggles since they sense me as a safe person who knows about struggling.