Acceptance

During my recovery meeting today I was reminded that this is a time of family, love and gratitude. I have experienced many losses in my life and finally realized that most of my losses were just part of the process of becoming who I am today - a person I am pleased with and proud. Many years ago, during the four years I was still on crutches a person asked "How can you be grateful, you can’t even walk" and I replied "You can’t fly and it doesn’t bother you!". Meaning, if I accept my condition, I can be grateful.

Self-Care

I frequently wake up in the morning with a feeling of dread, in part due to my own anxiety disorder and in part due to these stressful, chaotic times. To get past the anxiety to a feeling of love and well being I begin the day with a period of cardio exercise, using an exercise bike. I begin by feeling and releasing the anxiety and finally, by the end of the exercise, feeling peace and love. I think of the words of St. John of the Cross "He should learn to remain in God’s presence with a loving attention and a tranquil intellect", even though this seems like idleness to him. Soon he will find little by little that a "divine calm and peace with a wondrous, sublime knowledge of God, enveloped in divine love, will be infused into his soul".

Meditation

I have many imaginings about what my role and activities will look like in MD. We moved here from AZ in response to a spiritual need that we sensed, a "calling". Having arrived in MD and purchased a home, I have worked on that home (mostly the yard), meditated, communicated with the spirits here, communicated with the people and explored life in the Eastern U.S. My communications and finding out about the people here have revealed things I did not expect, would not have imagined. The imaginings I mentioned in the first sentence are rooted in my past and the things I know. Behaving according to those imaginings could restrict my activities here and limit my usefulness. Forgetting those imaginings and simply being open and listening would be better in determining my role here. It is time to meditate!

Fear

I have had many fears about the life that awaits me in MD, having moved from AZ. I feared what challenges I would face and what I would be called upon to do, as if having fear would help or protect me. Today during an encounter group with some Friend’s (Quakers) I commented that fear was hollow and has no substance, while love has depth and is a genuine force. The fact is that fear speaks within and with a loud voice. However, if I face the fear, act lovingly and simply go about my day, the fear evaporates. At the same time love grows and spreads. As I sit and write this tonight I think "can it possibly be that simple?". Yes

Trivial Difficulties

On the eleventh I commented that I generally had the options of responding to a given situation as a mature, loving adult or a hurt and angry child. Today I felt like the hurt and angry child though I did not lash out, other than expressing frustration. I have been inconvenienced because of a computer problem that has been going on every few days for close to two months. The situation was made worse by my poor communication skills. It even sounds trivial as I write that! I need to remember that "noting matters very much, and most things don’t matter at all".

Choice 2

Daily I feel and live within a very strong and unconditional love for everything and everyone, an attitude that arises through my relationship with the force I call God. Life is also very difficult for me, being older, disabled and having a speech impediment. I work constantly to balance the two - my challenge. Just the same, it is a wonderful life. I find myself wishing that others could experience the love and peace that I feel. That love and peace requires focus, concentration and de-emphasizing the importance of the recent worldly accomplishments, enjoying them but not believing in them, a way of life I suggest in my book.

Choice

Today and ever since the election I have been reflecting on lessons contained in the movie "Avatar". In that movie people with short term financial interests wanted to take over the planet, Pandora. The residents of that planet had a very spiritual and connected way of life, honoring everything and everyone on the planet. The residents had a very special relationship with a particular tree they called the "home tree". At one point one of the potential invaders commented that "it’s just a tree" and later in the movie destroyed it. The residents then threw the invaders off of the planet. Thinking of the movie as a metaphor and Earth as our Pandora, we did not throw the invaders off of the planet - we put them in charge of it, with the expected consequences. As I point out in my book, the spiritual life requires focus but is also magical, like Pandora.

Behavior Change

Yesterday my wife, Maria, got upset with me for being to abrupt, even harsh, which she took as personal criticism. I definitely was overly abrupt, though my behavior was a result of my own frustration over my poor communication and not directed at her. I kept thinking of a phrase that I have heard in recovery meetings "if I am not at fault, there is no solution". I modified my behavior to be more pleasant. Today we dealt with a difficult bureaucracy (M.V.A.!) and I maintained a pleasant, less abrupt attitude for which she commended me. My challenge now is to keep it up.

Humanity

Today I became lost, frustrated and angry because of my efforts and eventual failure to navigate through technology, supposed technological advances. This condition is short-term, trivial and will pass shortly but is increasingly common in a world that is becoming more technological and lacking the love I mentioned yesterday and speak of in my book. On the other hand there was the young man who stopped to offer me help this afternoon, the laughter of the plumber who fixed my toilet and the love of my wife. This was a day of contrasting options and my choice is obvious.

My Approach

I am not very political since politics does not meet the need, nor is it responsive to the general public. I care, very passionately, about all people and this earth that supports us. Recent events in this country are and have been very reactive and fear-based, an approach that I used with limited success for many years. I now use a love-based approach, which I explain in my book, Three Simple Questions: Being in the World, But Not of It. My approach is based on three questions to consider when planning any sort of activity. The questions are: would I do this in front of God, or whatever you call that power/force?; is my name really on it or is it really my responsibility?; will this increase the integrity of the universe, or is this loving? I wrote and published the book as part of my effort to change the world.