Choice

Sri Nisargadatta Maharaj once said "Oh, no. I live in a world of realities, while yours is of imaginings. Your world is personal, private, unshareable, intimately your own. Nobody can enter it, see as you see, hear as you hear, feel your emotions and think your thoughts. In your world you are truly alone, enclosed in your ever-changing dream, which you take for life. My world is an open world, common to all, accessible to all. In my world there is community, insight, love, real quality; the individual is the total, the totality — in the individual. All are one and the One is all." I have had the advantage of having lived in and believed in both worlds. I now live in the latter, less materially, ego oriented one.

Mystical Experience

Today, in addition to my regular Sunday activities of a Friend’s meeting, visiting my mother-in-law and some gardening I attended a Friend’s meeting to discuss what membership meant to others. There were about sixteen members and attendees at the meeting to talk about membership from several, very personal, perspectives. It was good to connect with some on a deep level while others kept their emotional distance. Their was one individual who I felt a strong connection with who talked about his mystical experiences and sweating in the process, very similar to me. In my case I go into a trance-like state, sweat profusely and my nose runs. I felt right at home, very nice.

Silence

I am considering joining the Quaker church as a member, becoming a Quaker, a prospect that surprises and makes me uneasy. Their worship is silent and their focus is on following the guidance they receive in that silence. I also follow that guidance, having learned through meditation a while back that the use of words is human and actually interferes with guidance. I am cautious recalling the words of Claremont deCastillejo when she commented that "If we can resist the compulsive pressure of our logical thinking, without relinquishing our precious heritage of lucid thought; if we can hold our ground with our own hardly won ego personalities, yet bow our heads and say, 'Thy will not mine be done'; if we will but notice the reactions of our bodies; and heed the behaviour of the world towards us; if we can learn to listen to the voices within and to the whisper in the wind, with trust as well as with discrimination, we may be able to follow the road where the Rainmaker walks."

Going With The Flow

Today, while carrying out my day-to-day activities I was aware that I love humanity and enjoy being human, though, simultaneously, I admit that putting up with my body is difficult at times. I take delight in watching other people go through varied emotions. A few days ago I got in my car only to realize that I did not have my keys, then I quickly became confident that I knew where they were. I went to fetch them and found out they were not there - confidence rapidly switched to panic. My feeling then switched to relief since I realized that my wife picked them up and called her to verify. What a roller coaster of feelings over something so trivial. Th4 word of Kornfield come to mind; "Sooner or later we have to learn to let go and allow the changing mystery of life to move through us without our fearing it, without holding and grasping."

Being Present

I seem to be in a learning-growing mode, which seems reasonable having recently moved from AZ to MD. I may be preparing myself for the next phase, whatever that will be. I find myself being very attentive, present and doing a lot of meditation/contemplation. I tend to see God/love everywhere I look and am reminded of the comments of Meister Eckhart; "A man should receive God in all things and train his mind to keep God ever present in his mind, in his aims and in his love. Note how you regard God: keep the same attitude that you have in church or in your cell, and carry it with you in the crowd and in unrest and inequality.....In your acts you should have an equal mind and equal faith and equal love for your God.....If you were equal-minded in this way, then no man could keep you from having God ever present."

Balance

Having gone to the doctor, something I dread, I decided to relax and do nothing constructive for the rest of the day. The reason that I don’t like to go to the doctor is that their training and focus is on pathology while my focus is on health and healing. Both approaches are necessary for a balanced view. However, I do not look good through the eyes of pathology and I cannot let that block or impede my approach, which I tend to do. Looking at me through the eyes of pathology is depressing, but also very real on some level. Looking at me exclusively through the eyes of health and healing can be unrealistic. A balanced approach is called for. I ended up not relaxing for the rest of the day. I also went to a recovery meeting, did some gardening and paperwork.

Reaction

I read the paper (now the Washington Post) or listen to the news and the human part of me feels very reactive, angry, disturbed and upset. I don’t like what we humans are doing to each other or this planet. I keep thinking back to Williamson’s comment that "We will be given every opportunity to learn through joy, and when we deny ourselves that, we will learn through pain. But we will learn." I then pray, meditate and realize that everything is just fine, that the universe is in divine order. I also realize that reacting will not help the situation but that acting out of love, understanding and compassion will.

God Seed

One of the truths that I have encountered during the spiritual journey mentioned yesterday is that each of us has what I call the "God Seed" inside. That seed has also been referred to as that "small quiet voice" or the God connection. It is the part of us that always acts out of love (not fear and ego) and knows the right thing to do. As I say in my book it is there "no matter how despicable a person seems on the surface". People act out of that part if they feel love and are in a loving environment. It is my hope that our president begins acting out of that part. He would need very firm boundaries and direction but he could begin acting for the greater good, rather than his own ego. Protests, sarcasm, criticism and judgment will not get that result, love might.

Spiritual Connection

I have a very strong, direct and open connection with that power or force I call God. That connection is described well in the words of Dubay, S.M. "A mystical touch is a deep, intimate contact-union-experience of God in one of His attributes such as power, light, goodness, beauty, or joy." He goes on to say "Immersion in God entails a being filled with Him, a divine inflowing. Biblical men knew well enough that this self-communication of God is the sole destiny of men." I developed my connection since it was the only thing I found to help me in dealing with and overcoming many of the physical, spiritual and emotional aspects of my disability. Having developed that connection, I have encountered the same truths described by mystics and spiritual leaders. That connection has also saved my life several times.

Mandala

Several years ago I made a mandala which was created to symbolize me and my part of the universe and it still does today - very powerfully. It is circular, about 14 inches across with an outer perimeter of juniper twigs. Within the twigs is a background of deer skin with a central tuft of bear fur. Above the bear fur is a point (arrow head) that I was given. Attached to the fur are several feathers of songbirds, hummingbirds, hawks and eagle. All of these animals have been big parts of my spiritual journey. A coyote tail is hanging from the circle symbolizing the jokester, somewhat anti-social, trickster part of me. It is a very good meditative tool and reminder of my path and past.