I'm a Dreamer

I am passionate about the power or force of love/God and the ability of that force to change the world. That force has changed my life and can certainly change others and as I say in my website "if enough people discover and live by what I attempt to describe here, things could change dramatically and on much more than a personal level." Unfortunately, I don’t know how to do that - yet. I am working on it. In the words of Sawhill "To attain excellence, you must care more than others think wise, risk more than others think safe and dream more than others think practical". Time to meditate!

Committment

I have always fond the words of W. H. Murray to be true, that "Until one is committed there is hesitancy, the chance to draw back, always ineffectiveness. Concerning all acts of initiative (and creation), there is one elementary truth, the ignorance of which kills countless ideas and splendid plans: that the moment one definitely commits oneself, then Providence moves too. All sorts of things occur to help one that would never otherwise have occurred. A whole stream of events issues from the decision, raising in one's favor all manner of unforeseen incidents and meetings and material assistance, which no man could have dreamt would have come his way. I have learned a deep respect for one of Goethe's couplets: ‘Whatever you can do, or dream you can, begin it./ Boldness has genius, power, and magic in it.’" I committed myself to going west and being of service many years ago, with definite and clear movement of "Providence" to assist me. Now, having moved back east the same is happening. It’s good to be part of.

Growth

It was a strange day - but good and reflective of my progress. I found out that a flight I booked on the computer several weeks ago, with my wife’s help, did not work and they had no record of it. Rather than getting upset or angry, I realized that computers only understood yeses and noes or pluses and minuses and that one or more did not match up, so Maria called instead and set the flights up again. It took time and my phone (verbal communication) skills are not good but everything worked out. I asked for guidance, worked within my limits and sought help when needed.. Otherwise, it was a quiet, rainy, east coast kind of day - beautiful.

Fear

I moved back east after a period of learning in the west. During that period I learned and studied several spiritual traditions and now I wish to carry what I have learned to the east. I am here to be of service, to help out in dark times. On the one hand I know that, with God’s guidance, I have what it takes to do what is required. On the other hand I am afraid that I don’t. About five days ago I referred to it as "galloping fear", Williamson calls it "free floating" in her comments; "A lot of us know we have what it takes—the looks, the education, the talent, the credentials. But in certain areas, we’re paralyzed. We’re not being stopped by something on the outside, but by something on the inside. Our oppression is internal. The government isn’t holding us back, or hunger or poverty. We’re not afraid we’ll get sent to Siberia. We’re just afraid, period. Our fear is free-floating. We’re afraid this isn’t the right relationship or we’re afraid it is. We’re afraid they won’t like us or we’re afraid they will. We’re afraid of failure or we’re afraid of success. We’re afraid of dying young or we’re afraid of growing old. We’re more afraid of life than we are of death." I’m not being stopped but I am aware of the difficulty.

Detachment

I go through my daily activities from within a "bubble of love", a gift I have been given through living with my disability. It has taught me to ask for guidance, that I am not in charge and for the sake of my sanity, I need to detach from everything. The way my disability has taught me is through pain and discomfort when I don’t do those things and serenity if I do. Jack Kornfield put it well when he wrote "To love fully and live well requires us to recognize finally that we do not possess or own anything---our homes, our cars, our loved ones, not even our own body. Spiritual joy and wisdom do not come through possession but rather through our capacity to open, to love more fully, and to move and be free in life." He goes on to say "The happiness we discover in life is not about possessing or owning or even understanding. Instead, it is the discovery of this capacity to love, to have a loving, free and wise relationship with all of life. Such love is not possessive but arises out of a sense of our own well-being and connection with everything." I have found all of that to be very true.

Spiritual Path

Yesterday, on Sunday, I took part in a "spiritual development" group that meets once a month, very enjoyable and enlightening. In that group the members are connecting with each other while also following some techniques meant to enhance their spiritual paths. In addition to taking note of the self-criticism I mentioned yesterday, I notice that they each tend to have relatively explicit concepts of what a "spiritual path" looks and feels like. As I state in my book "You are on a spiritual path whether you know it, intend it, admit it or not. If you are doing so with consciousness and intent, the path will, very likely, not be as you expect." It took me a few years, but I found that out!

Perfection

Perfection is one of the topics I mention in my book and website and I kept thinking about it today as I listened to people criticize themselves for giving in to their "shortcomings" or humanity. As I say in my website "In a divine sense, we are all perfect within our imperfections, a beautiful truth.", an attitude which is ineffable and does not fit the human notion of perfection. I also pointed that out today. Realizing and then overcoming those shortcomings is a major part of the human experience, a process that is embraced by God.

Perspective 2

Today I acted like a normal, middle-class, retired person. I paid bills, watched birds, worked on our budget, did some laundry and cooking. All through the day I was also acutely aware of the wonder of being human, including the painful and unpleasant parts and how everything fits into eternity. I recall a comment from many years ago by Millman in Way of the Peaceful Warrior a Book that Changes Lives; "You will live an ordinary life, learning how to remain ordinary in a troubled world to which, in a sense, you no longer belong. Remain ordinary, and you can be useful to others."

Fear

Today I am aware of and experiencing some generalized fears about the future, something I call galloping fear since it can switch from one potential event to another very quickly and without reason. The fears are not real but my conscious mind believes them. I like the comment by Williamson, that "Love is what we were born with. Fear is what we have learned here. The spiritual journey is the relinquishment—or unlearning—of fear and the acceptance of love back into our hearts. Love is the essential existential fact. It is our ultimate reality and our purpose on earth. To be consciously aware of it, to experience love in ourselves and others, is the meaning of life." I have learned the fears well!

Spring

Today was a day of connecting with the natural world around our home - feeling the vibrancy of spring. During my blessing ceremony this morning I was very aware of the blossoming flowers, the budding trees and the very active animals. We have finished setting up those feeding stations I mentioned yesterday, blocking the squirrels and allowing the birds. After the quiet of the winter months it’s time to wake up. I tend to enjoy each season for its part of the cycle.