Service

I am attempting to act as God’s tool or instrument, as Rufus Jones calls it, in my efforts to change the world, one person at a time. I make use of and transmit love and healing. I am aware that my task and leader are much more than I am so I just keep trying to do the next right thing. I act out of love and feel that light and Love much of the time. When I stay focused, which I do most of the time, my words and actions have a very positive effect on those around me. I also feel on the verge of overwhelmed since what I do is more than I am. "God must have an instrument — an organ is perhaps a better word — for the revelation of His love and tenderness, just as his physical energies must have their coordinator and transmitter." (Rufus Jones)

Holistic Healing

I had considerable lower back pain yesterday which today was very minor and only periodic, a pattern that is common with me. The pain usually begins as muscle soreness and spasticity, rapidly getting worse and involving the lumbar vertebrae and sciatic nerve. Up until this point I usually just accept the pain as part of my day but it gets my attention when the spasms become more consistent, involving bones and nerve, sometimes causing sciatica. At that point I take the time to meditate on the pain, joining with it in order to find out whether or not there is an emotional component to the pain, usually fear, anger or some other emotional blockage. When I take this approach, rather than taking pain medicine, I can address the emotional issue and the pain problem heals more quickly. "Physical symptoms may tell us that we are going in the wrong direction or they may be evidence of something in the unconscious which will undermine the whole enterprise unless countered psychologically as well as with aspirin." (Claremont deCastillejo)

The Kingdom

Yesterday I wrote of having found the Kingdom of God within myself and living according to that presence. Also, as I commented, Jesus said was that was possible. More recently Rufus Jones commented on its presence when he wrote "Few things — no things that I know of — are so completely and effectively restorative as the discovery that this World of the environing Spirit is verily closer to us than breathing and is charged with the resources of Life for which we pant." He also wrote that "The very fact that such a mighty experience [mystical worship] as this is possible means that there is some inner meeting place between the soul and God; in other words, that the divine and human, God and man, are not wholly sundered." I encountered that "meeting place" which I call the "God seed" in each of us, before encountering his words. The largest blockages for my reaching that seed were my own self-doubt and lack of belief. I finally got to that peace, Love, freedom and power through allowing it during my own meditation.

Spiritual Journey

A couple of days ago while in a group talking about our spiritual journeys, I found myself saying "I have found that kingdom", meaning the kingdom of God. By that I meant that I feel great joy, love and peace much of the time in spite of being disabled, having chronic pain and aging. As Jesus said, according to Luke, "The kingdom of God is not coming with signs that can be observed, nor will they say; ‘Look here it is!’ or ‘There it is!’ for the kingdom of God is within you." In my life journey, I have found that to be true. In order to achieve that feeling (reality?) I have done a great deal of introspection and the daily practices I mention in my website and book. According to Thomas, Jesus also said "If you bring forth what is within you, what you bring forth will save you. If you do not bring forth what is within you, what you do not bring forth will destroy you."

Service

Maria’s and my most recent service commitment (ministry) is to clerk or lead the Thursday evening Friend’s worship meeting, a task which I find very exciting and loaded with potential. Maria will handle most of the talking part and we will both take care of other duties. Patricia Loring wrote "It requires even more discernment to discover whether the ministry called for from a particular individual in a particular instance requires prophetic speech, humble and hidden activities, bold and dramatic action, professional service or some, novel and previously unimagined course." For me, so far, my task is mainly the "humble and hidden activity" of being present, beaming loving energy and encouraging the local spirits to do the same. At the end of each meeting I take the "bold and dramatic action" of approaching and talking with the attendees about whatever came up for them during the meeting. We shall see.

Connection

In my enjoyment of the "variability and vibrancy of spring" which I wrote of yesterday it was implied that I feel a part of the trees, flowers and birds, we are all connected. I cannot say that I understand that connection but I know it is real and that connection is part of my joy. In the words of Jack Kornfield "The happiness we discover in life is not about possessing or owning or even understanding. Instead, it is the discovery of this capacity to love, to have a loving, free and wise relationship with all of life. Such love is not possessive but arises out of a sense of our own well-being and connection with everything."

Presence

I truly enjoy the variability and vibrancy of spring. Some of the early flowers like the crocuses, daffodils and some hyacinth have begun blooming and two days ago it snowed heavily (for this area!) and has gotten cold. Yesterday and today, as the snow melted the flowers, once again, began showing themselves. I have also been watching a video cam of nesting bald eagles. As I observe these events I also feel the presence of God or the life force. "I tell you, I am in every flower, every rainbow, every star in the heavens, and everything in and on every planet rotating around every star. I am the whisper of the wind, the warmth of your sun, the incredible individuality and the extraordinary perfection of each snowflake. I am the majesty in the soaring flight of eagles, and the innocence of the doe in the field; the courage of lions, the wisdom of the ancient ones." (Walsch)

God Seed

Today it snowed several inches and the spirit side of me connected with the wondrous life-giving nature of the event. I even communicated that to the big oak out back when I did my dawn blessing. The human part of me also felt some irritation at the inconvenience of the snow, but that was slight and modified by the positive thoughts and feelings. I have similarly dual thoughts and feelings about most life events and the eternal or spirit view usually predominates. The Love or God seed in me makes it possible to connect with the Love or God in everyone and everything around me, changing the way I feel and interact. According to the gospel of Thomas, "Jesus said, ‘I am the light which is before all things. It is I who am all things. From me all things came forth, and to me all things extend. Split a piece of wood, and I am there; lift up the stone, and you will find me.’"

Recovery

During my recovery process I have bathed myself in unconditional love and spirituality in order to address my alcoholism, drug addiction and, later, my disability. I have used love and spirituality to alleviate the hurt and anger resulting from earlier life experiences. I tried using my intellect, reading and therapy and found that they helped my understanding but did not result in the peace I sought. Love and spirituality did. The "allowing" that came with Love was crucial for me to reach resolution. I now give the same to others. "In the Dhammapada the Buddha teaches that in this world hate never dispels hate. Only love dispels hate."

God

When I meditate I connect with the loving force I call God. That force is much more powerful than anything human caused that I have felt and the feeling brings me great joy. As I describe on my website and in my book, I have also found physical healing power in that feeling. It is a feeling that causes me to be other directed, service oriented and selfless. I cannot imagine how such a force could be negative in any way. I do well up with tears of gratitude at times. "There are, says the saint [John of the Cross], encounters with God such that the devil cannot possibly counterfeit them, nor can one’s imagination create them. Some are so indelibly imprinted in the center of one’s being that they can neither be described nor forgotten."