Spiritual Experiece

I have been blessed and guided by numerous spiritual events, some quite miraculous and some relatively subtle but definitely worthy of notice. The first was when, in a semi-purposeful manner, I placed myself in a traffic situation where my death was inevitable and was immediately and miraculously moved to a safe location, as if to say "you are not going to do this". The second was years later when I asked for guidance about attending a Sundance to which I had been invited and my wife made it clear she did not approve. I was conflicted. At that time I had an office in the middle of Flagstaff, AZ, and a sign out front announcing my presence as a mental health therapist. A young, black stranger came into my office and when I asked him why he said "my name is Charlie Horton". I then asked him what he was doing in Flagstaff and he replied "I’m on my way to the Sundance". I took that to be my answer and went. "There are encounters with God such that the devil cannot possibly counterfeit them, nor can one’s imagination create them. Some are so indelibly imprinted in the center of one’s being that they can neither be described nor forgotten." (St. John of the Cross)

Dealing With Life

After the Friend’s worship session this morning I spent some time talking with a woman who is, by her own admission, a "fixer". She and I talked about my physical challenges and she kept looking for ways to alleviate my symptoms. She suggested massage, which does not work for me, acupuncture, which I have used, chiropractors, which I have used and medications like opiates and benzodiazepines, which are addictive so I cannot use. During the conversation I listened and was moderately amused. I have benefitted from acupuncture and chiropractors but by far my main solution to physical problems has been my spiritual connection. After our talk it occurred to me that "I do not need fixing since I walk through life with the healing presence of God/Love as my partner". "The pure in heart know that when the Kingdom of the Spirit is seen in all its beauty and desired with a single will, then order is brought out of confusion." (Gilbert Kilpack)

Humility

The topic for this morning’s recovery meeting was "humility", an attitude or self-concept that I have found to be of extreme importance. As I commented during the meeting "I listen better" when humble and can then take action accordingly. I take humility to mean that I am "right sized", openly admitting and living within my strengths and weaknesses. If I am feeling either grandiose or like a worm, I am "in my ego" and likely to distort what I hear and my resultant actions. If, on the other hand, I approach any situation with humility, I am apt to perceive conditions accurately and then respond in a way that "increases the integrity of the universe" (Charlie Horton).

Unconditional Love

Many years ago I prayed to see things the way God does and was then granted that gift. It is my understanding and feeling that God views us and our antics through a lense of love. I now view myself and others with fondness, much the way a parent might view his or her own child. It was remarkable for me to be listening to a person in front of me berating me and have my only feeling be love for that person. The experience helped me to understand some of the behavior and comments of Christ. I have found no judgment or conditionality there. "The God of my childhood has given way to the God of my womanhood, a God of many names----Allah, Shiva, Great Spirit, Lord Krishna, Lord Buddha, Yahweh. This is the God who is present in the tiniest acorn and the vastest ocean." (Valerie Brown)

Living In the Now

Admittedly my disability has made life very difficult for me but today during my recovery meeting I was contemplating its gifts in my life. The theme in that meeting was the very human tendency to project our worries into the future and the preference to live in the present. My disability has helped me stay in the "now" since my present reality, even when experiencing some pain, is enjoyable. My future may also be enjoyable but I can also project wheelchairs, pain, suffering and death. I prefer to stay in the present while also acknowledging what the future may hold but leaving that part up to the Universe.

Meditating

When I meditate I first quiet my mind and stay in the present by counting my breaths, one for the in-breath and two for the out-breath, over and over. I then shift my focus to the feeling and healing power of God’s love. In each case my brain spends eighty to ninety percent of the time wandering about from one topic to another. I would like to be present and focused more of the time but I am not. I have been working on my meditating for many years and this is what I have achieved. It is worth noting that this level is enough to have succeeded in doing many things. Time to meditate!

Beaming

During my meditation and sacred ceremonies I have been shown and experienced first-hand the simplicity, power and purity of God’s love, quite a gift. My mission is to pass that on, and change the world in doing so. I have passed it on to many spirits and living individuals with remarkable results. I call the process "beaming" and I must confess that I don’t really know how I do it but I feel it as do the recipients. I do know the ability is a gift. The most recent time I used beaming was today at a recovery meeting with the boisterous individual I mentioned a couple of days ago. We shall see what the impact is, as I do it more.

Listening

Today, after the Friend’s silent worship meeting, I spent some time connecting and talking with a woman attendee about various family and relationship issues, very meaningful and enjoyable. It was a very good conversation and she expressed several times how nice it was to talk to me. Recently, several other people have expressed the same pleasure during our talks. I don’t talk much but I listen intently, love and respect the person I am talking with. They know and can feel that. "For there to be a meeting, it seems as though a third, a something else, is always present. You may call it Love, or the Holy Spirit. Jungians would say that it is the presence of the Self. If this 'Other' is present, there cannot have failed to be a meeting." (Claremont deCastillejo)

Ego Struggles

There is a fellow present and new to some of my meetings who is very boisterous, self-centered, sure he is right, newly sober, insecure and ignorant about love and recovery. Except for the boisterous part, he is a lot like I was early in my recovery journey. I was quiet but equally obnoxious. He has a huge and very resistant ego and my own ego has a large tendency to rear its ugly, angry head and engage this guy, as others are doing in my meetings. My discernment is telling me that the only way to engage him is through unconditional love and being of service to him, when he is ready, and not to oppose him in any way if he tries to argue. My own ego feels deflated as I write this (hooray!). "Discernment is a gift from God, not as a personal achievement. The gift is not the result of training, technique, or analysis. Like other gifts of God, its origin is mysterious and gratuitous." (Patricia Loring)

Choice

During my recovery meeting today one of the participants spoke of his having experienced the simple feeling of joy for the first time. Because of my choices, I experience the glorious feeling of joy much of the time. The thought which keeps coming up in my head is that "you could be so much more [in some areas], if you would only be so much less [in others]. I experience joy when I choose to focus on the love and beauty in my life, while giving up my worldly concerns. "The appropriate language for the person receiving these favors [communion with Love/God] is that he understand them, experience them within himself, enjoy them and be silent." (St. John of the Cross)