Balance

Today was a day of moderate activity (exercise, recovery meeting, talking on the phone and meditating) mixed with periods of relaxation and restoration. I seldom enter into total relaxation or distraction and usually continue to think about my activities at a much reduced rate and intensity as I did today. I watched a movie while also having some thoughts and planning about my interaction with trees. I find this partial relaxation actually helps my creativity and the fruition of my thinking — it is also good self-care. I should also confess that when relaxing I always wonder if I should be doing more!

My Growth

Most of the time when I meditate I connect with and feel the strength, Love and power of God, a feeling that is a gift which I can then carry with me during the day. The feeling originates with God not me and, to use an analogy from baseball, the capability of connecting with and generating that feeling is my "home run". I also find that I can pass that feeling to other entities, though doing so is not totally under my control. I am the "instrument" or "organ" of its passage, not the one who decides and is truly in charge. At this point I have transmitted that feeling to spirits, most recently to trees and at least twice (probably more) to living people. My sense is that I could be a better channel with people by being more completely open and then allowing it. I am working on that! "There are encounters with God such that the devil cannot possibly counterfeit them, nor can one’s imagination create them. Some are so indelibly imprinted in the center of one’s being that they can neither be described nor forgotten." (St. John of the Cross)

Spiritual Quest

I bet everything on the single card of my spiritual connection and the guidance I find there. Originally I made that choice because I was desperate and having explored earthly possibilities I found nothing that could help me. For the last couple of decades I have been pursuing a greater connection and continued guidance not from desperation but because of the joy and peace I find there. "Immersion in God entails a being filled with Him, a divine inflowing. Biblical men knew well enough that this self-communication of God is the sole destiny of men." (Thomas Dubay, S. M.). I have an adequate income and possessions but have to keep it spare because of my acquisitive nature. If I have much money or possessions I get excited, focused on the material and want more. As St. Augustine says "we cannot serve two masters. But a man does try to serve two masters if he seeks both the kingdom of God for the great good it is and those other temporal things."

Love

Words do not do the reality justice, but when Love is present it "desires" to create more Love, that is its nature and purpose. I live within a world of love and do everything I can to pass it on. I would like other people to feel that love, but also trees, stones, earth and everything else. The very human tendency and quest after "money, power and prestige" or technological distractions can block that love. I would like to overcome that tendency in others, leading to greater feeling of contentment and peace. "To the mystic he [God] becomes real in the same sense that experienced beauty is real, or the feel of spring is real, or that summer sunlight is real — he has been found, he has been met, he is present." (Rufus Jones)

Growth

Most of my communication with the trees I mentioned yesterday was around the issues of a youngish but adult in size, pine tree who had lost a major limb, which equated to a large part of its identity and also a change in life attitude to a feeling of vulnerability. Much the same as I felt when at the youngish age of forty, I became disabled. At that point I was very focused and proud of my physical prowess and felt relatively comfortable and in control. Everything changed in a few short months to feeling out of control, vulnerable and desperate. I turned to developing my spirituality — my connection with whatever you call that Presence and the feeling of eternity. I found that I could pass that feeling on, giving others the strength to persevere. "The Lord explained that it was needful that he [George Fox]’should have a sense of all conditions’. How else should he learn ‘to speak to all conditions?’ Then followed the critical experience: ‘I saw the infinite love of God. I saw that there was an ocean of darkness and death, but an infinite ocean of light and love which flowed over the ocean of darkness."

Being

Last night and today I have had the opportunity and honor to communicate with several trees concerning how they experience life and what that process means to them. I discover that I do not understand what it is to be a tree, what I call "treeness" — big surprise! Not surprisingly I end up listening a lot and apologizing for my assumptions and lack of understanding. Apparently, many or possibly most of them do not feel the Presence and Love that I feel when doing earthly, physical things, especially within the natural world. They are very focused on survival activities, physical reality rather than spiritual. I can broaden their approach by showing and giving them that feeling. "I tell you, I am in every flower, every rainbow, every star in the heavens, and everything in and on every planet rotating around every star. I am the whisper of the wind, the warmth of your sun, the incredible individuality and the extraordinary perfection of each snowflake. I am the majesty in the soaring flight of eagles, and the innocence of the doe in the field; the courage of lions, the wisdom of the ancient ones." (Walsch)

Spiritual Journey

I have been reading about what Marcelle Martin calls "the refiner’s fire" in her book Our Life is Love: The Quaker Spiritual Journey. The idea being that during their spiritual journey a person finds it best to divest or purify themselves of many worldly attachments, desires and behaviors in order to connect more closely with God. For the early Quakers this process was connected and driven by thoughts of sin, the devil, humans being pitiful and needing to be forgiven, reflecting the cultural and religious attitudes of that time. Contemporary Quakers also recognize the need to focus on spiritual values, giving up many worldly concerns but without belief in sin, etc. In my case, I have given up many worldly attachments, desires and distractions, not out of a feeling of duty, but because of love and my desire to be part of that love. I have found that I feel more complete joy if I focus on my spiritual development while participating in the worldly things.

Spiritual Experience 2

Another of my spiritual experiences was in 2006 when I had my near-death-experience and for the first time felt the power, purity and simplicity of God’s Love. During that experience I was told "this is what it feels like to be dead" and then "you can stay here or go back and be of service". Obviously, I came back but I needed to know what God’s Love felt like so I could generate that feeling for healing and pass it on to living people or spirits. I also immerse myself in that feeling nightly and carry a human version with me during the day. "The appropriate language for the person receiving these favors [communion with God] is that he understand them, experience them within himself, enjoy them and be silent." (St. John of the Cross)

Spiritual Experiece

I have been blessed and guided by numerous spiritual events, some quite miraculous and some relatively subtle but definitely worthy of notice. The first was when, in a semi-purposeful manner, I placed myself in a traffic situation where my death was inevitable and was immediately and miraculously moved to a safe location, as if to say "you are not going to do this". The second was years later when I asked for guidance about attending a Sundance to which I had been invited and my wife made it clear she did not approve. I was conflicted. At that time I had an office in the middle of Flagstaff, AZ, and a sign out front announcing my presence as a mental health therapist. A young, black stranger came into my office and when I asked him why he said "my name is Charlie Horton". I then asked him what he was doing in Flagstaff and he replied "I’m on my way to the Sundance". I took that to be my answer and went. "There are encounters with God such that the devil cannot possibly counterfeit them, nor can one’s imagination create them. Some are so indelibly imprinted in the center of one’s being that they can neither be described nor forgotten." (St. John of the Cross)

Dealing With Life

After the Friend’s worship session this morning I spent some time talking with a woman who is, by her own admission, a "fixer". She and I talked about my physical challenges and she kept looking for ways to alleviate my symptoms. She suggested massage, which does not work for me, acupuncture, which I have used, chiropractors, which I have used and medications like opiates and benzodiazepines, which are addictive so I cannot use. During the conversation I listened and was moderately amused. I have benefitted from acupuncture and chiropractors but by far my main solution to physical problems has been my spiritual connection. After our talk it occurred to me that "I do not need fixing since I walk through life with the healing presence of God/Love as my partner". "The pure in heart know that when the Kingdom of the Spirit is seen in all its beauty and desired with a single will, then order is brought out of confusion." (Gilbert Kilpack)