Perspective

Today I felt tired, having not slept well, but also very solid, complete and connected to All-that-is, a good feeling. Once again I look around me and see that as a species many of us are killing each killing each other and destroying this planet we depend on. There are also those among us that are definitely contributing to the "integrity of the universe". All is well. "I take the spiritual life to be a life of which aims to discover human wholeness, the integration of all aspects of our humanity - body, soul, mind, emotions - and the connection of the self to all of creation." (Paul A. Lacey)

Spiritual Journey

Some time ago someone was asking how I was doing. I responded to their question with an involved reply and they then asked "are you at least comfortable" and I responded that "comfort is not part of being Charlie". The fact is that I am on a spiritual journey and constantly questing and evolving, which is not comfortable. I do not seek comfort though I certainly think about it. I think about just watching old "Andy Griffith" reruns and eating bacon-cheeseburgers but then I end up meditating instead. I am delighted with the choice I make and am aware of the alternative. "We want to be spiritually alive, but also to be comfortable; to be prayerful, but not to rise early in the morning to pray; to possess power to lead, but not to undergo the discipline that it takes to control the power." (Gilbert Kilpack)

Holistic Healing

Many years ago when I was unable to walk unaided, using crutches and talking with the leader of a workshop I was attending on mind-body healing, he told me to visualize walking for one week and then do it. My thought at the time was "it’s not that simple". It is now about thirty years later during which I have succeeded in doing something similar to what he suggested with many health problems and partially with my disability. I have learned that there are things one needs to do in order to heal. It seems to me that the body is very good at healing itself — if you can connect with it and convince it to do so, usually through meditation. There is/are generally one or more issues/reasons for the problem; sometimes simple pathology, sometimes attitudinal, sometimes both. The issues and reasons have to be addressed and overcome if one is to achieve healing. I am still working on that as far as my walking. Maybe I will succeed, maybe not but the journey is certainly entertaining!

Listening

Before 2006 I could "speak like the man in the six o’clock news", crisply, quickly and with authority. I was highly educated and experienced so people listened carefully to what I had to say. I also must admit that I judged and tended to dismiss people who did not speak quickly enough for me. Since that time, because of my disability, I talk very slowly, with poor enunciation and with great difficulty. I also notice that I am now one of the people that many people dismiss (irony and payback time)! This turn around gives me a much greater appreciation and understanding of people who do not present themselves the way I used to. I listen to all people with love and respect and realize they are all of value.

Meditation

Today was a Monday so I did the weekly grocery shopping in the morning and exercised in the afternoon. During the afternoon I would work out for a while and then meditate for around half an hour, very enjoyable and a good pace for me. I tire easily so this pattern works for me. When I meditate I reach the "I am" portion of my higher self within a few minutes. Reaching that place used to take fifteen minutes of focus on the feeling of power, Love and the eternal nature of all things. When I reach that place I am also near the Absolute or God. "Man is separated from God, but secretly united to God; that is the prime fact of life, and all things in all creation speak of this separation, this incompleteness which has infected all." (Gilbert Kilpack)

Seeking

I seek and feel God in all my activities during the day, seeking not due to guilt or some feeling of obligation but because of the Love, peace and harmony I find there. Today, while blessing the plants in our garden, a female ruby throated hummingbird came to feed on our pink flowers. We also got several butterflies of various species coming to our butterfly bushes. I could feel the Love, peace and harmony of the plants and animals. "Seek Him we must, with a headlong love, with enthusiasm and romantic ardor, but also with lowliness and patience, and that is a hard combination." (Gilbert Kilpack)

Cognitive Dissonance

I am experiencing serious cognitive dissonance and I feel like a total fraud — though I also know that I am not. I go through my life wrapped in a bubble of Love and in partnership with God. Because of that union I end up being the person I cannot possibly be and doing things I cannot possibly do. During the first thirty-six years of my life I operated primarily out of my dark side and experienced negative comments from many. I am no longer that person though I am quite aware that the potential to be that person is still within me, but I choose not to act on it. I will continue moving along and being Charlie! "I am less than the song I am singing. I am more than I thought I could be. (Joan Baez)

Meditation

Yesterday I wrote that I wanted "to see, understand and appreciate that everything and everybody contribute to God, Love and eternity in their own [special] way. I don’t know how that works but then I don’t need to. When I meditate and arrive at that peaceful, Loving God place I can sense strongly that it is true. Everything and everybody are in divine order, a good feeling and one I wish to harmonize with. "When one is anchored deeply in the divine solution to all problems, outer turmoil cannot disturb the inner tranquility. It is a peace that surpasses all understanding." (Thomas Dubay, S. M.).

Surrender

In order for me to continue spiritually growing in recovery I currently feel the need to further surrender myself to the higher good of God, Love and eternity. I want to see, understand and appreciate that everything and everybody contribute to God, Love and eternity in their own way. I want to be conscious of and maximize my own contribution. In the beginning of my recovery process I gave up being a self-centered jerk and along my path I gave up lying, gossip, judging and criticizing others in favor of seeing "there, but for the grace of God, go I". I wish to now always act to promote and support God, Love and eternity.

Gratitude

Today I found myself talking about the necessity and power of gratitude in my life, how important it was to me and the fact that it is a choice. I do view it as a choice and it is important for me to make that choice if I am to continue with my life and help others do the same. As I pointed out today; I am 71, living in a part of the country where the climate does not suite me, usually in some pain and disabled since I was forty, so I have several things to feel negative about. Instead I chose to see my life as a gift and focus on the many good things.