Insight

I spent a few hours this afternoon making a large (six gallon) pot of very fine vegetable soup (splitting wood and carrying water).  We then had some of the soup for dinner, delicious.  While doing this it struck me how wonderful and, largely, meaningless the whole process was.  I felt free to sense both aspects strongly and my perception felt balanced and true.  In the past I would try to find some personal fulfillment or meaning in the activity, coupled with a feeling of hollowness and/or disappointment.

Spiritual Guidance

As I said during a recovery meeting today, I consider pain, either emotional or physical, to be a form of spiritual guidance, a position I have developed in response to years of my own pain and a desire to reduce that pain.  I generally consider pain to be an indicator that I might want to do things differently.  For example, if I allow my sense of peace and happiness to depend on any sort of worldly experience like my job, physical condition or the weather, then I am likely to experience periods of pain or discomfort.  As a result, I have learned to participate in worldly experiences while focusing on the love and peace of the eternal or absolute, being in the world but not of it.

Holistic Healing

Today, I went to the healer I use, a hands on medical intuitive.  I found our session exhausting and was glad I had set aside the rest of the day for R. & R.  Presumably due to his work and mine, I have noticed significant changes in my brain function.  I find myself wondering how far the positive changes will go, considering the force genetics and the damage I have done to my brain with drugs and alcohol.  My holistic approach already has resulted in healing far beyond what was predicted by the medical profession.  It is what it is.

Self

It has been important for me to realize that the reality of the eternal, unborn part of the self is right there, always present, within each of us, and all we have to do to sense its presence is to clear away (negate) the parts that are transient and solely of this world. Simple, but not easy!  At first, I could only sense that presence briefly during meditation.   I now enjoy knowing the eternal part of the self most of the time, getting pulled back into the worldly drama occasionally.  I find a strong sense of peace, love and connectedness there.  The eternal part is the reality I live with.  The transient part seems to be all about drama, chaos and fear, but is also very compelling.

Being

Tonight at the recovery meeting, various people mentioned the difficulties they were having in their lives and I commented, first acknowledging my own numerous difficulties, that the problems were all a beautiful and wonderful part of the human condition.  Things like disabilities, deaths, floods, murders, sobriety, births, beauty and, so called, miracles are all different sides of the same coins.  Within this world of dualities, one does not exist without the other.  While we are in human form, it is important to know, experience and feel each on our path toward learning about giving and receiving love.  It is then possible for that timeless, unborn part of each of us, to carry that being back to the absolute.

R & R

The most notable thing about today was how depleted I felt, so I napped, ate, exercised a bit and did not push myself to do anything.  During the last two days I asked for and got a lot of guidance and support, in order to be of maximum service.  I pushed myself.  As a result, today I felt depleted and had a day of rest.  It is best for me to be aware that in order to be a conduit of love/God, I need to take care of myself.

Crazy

Another long and complicated day.  I was reminded several times of how important the sweat lodge has been for me over the years, how much it has changed me and how much I have learned due to the lodge.  As I said today at one point, “I used to be a regular white boy”, meaning that my attitudes, ideas and experiences fell within the accepted norms of the dominant culture.  Now, I would be considered “crazy” and I am good with that, it is fine with me.  Most of the attitudes, ideas and experiences that fall outside of the norm (seeing and working with spirits, having visions, communicating with the weather, realizing that consciousness is not necessarily located in the brain, etc.) come from the lodge.  I often find out that many others have similar experiences, we just don’t talk about them much.

Support & Guidance

This morning, before the day really began, I asked for support and guidance, knowing it was going to be a long and complicated day, requiring a lot of listening, connecting, action and endurance.  The day was, indeed, very demanding and I was quite aware of the support and guidance.  My day did not really begin until 10:00, followed by about six hours of working with families of addicts/alcoholics.  Finally, I led a sweat-lodge, which was draining and required a different sort of presence.  During all of these activities, I was aware of the power of God quietly surging through me.  All in all, it was a wonderful day to be present for.

Staying Right Sized

A day of contrasts, mostly enjoyable, some not, all of it very good to keep me “right sized”.  For most of the day I was connecting and interacting with people, either at a recovery meeting or with my own clients.  In all cases there was mutual respect and caring.  Then I went to a grocery store to get some cottage cheese.  I went directly to the refrigerated cheese and yogurt section, expecting it to be there, which it was not.  I began searching for it and finally asked a store employee its location.  His response was to direct me back to the cheese section and get away from me as soon as possible, a response I am quite familiar with.  The look on his face and his actions said something like “tell the idiot whatever he will be happy with and get him away from me!” .  I felt anger and frustration so I knew not to take action or say anything, I left the store without my objective.

The Power Of God

Tonight, as often happens, I felt very strongly “seized by the spirit”, a feeling of joining with and being a conduit for the power of God.  I generally feel it most strongly during my early morning sessions, while focusing on spiritual reading, writing, prayer and meditation.  I do not even try to understand that power, just sense it, appreciate it and be with it.  There is absolutely no question that I will do whatever that power wants and follow it anywhere.