Seeking Guidance

I filter through the events of today looking for something to come to the surface, to feel some sort of inspiration and nothing does.  It was a good day, just fairly quiet, normal and not inspirational.  I can accept that.  I realize that I spend most of my day seeking guidance and attempting to act on that guidance by being attentive to my intuition and what feels right.  My current approach is true to me and quite different from my past approach of trying to please other people.

Limited But Vital

As I commented yesterday, the events in life have very little meaning in and of themselves.  However, as many others have pointed out, the purpose of life is to grow in our ability to feel, give and receive love.  Those events are how we experience that growth and, in that way, those “trivial” events are vital.  I have found it important to fully experience and value those events, without grasping or pushing them away, to honor their importance for my path.  Because of their transience, I view the events as limited but because they teach us about love, I view them as vital.

Transience

A quiet day with some exercise, meditating and a lot of cooking.  I also had one client and a good talk with Maria.
One topic that came up a lot is the transient nature of most worldly things and that those things mean relatively little in an eternal sense.  In the past I have placed importance on many things that now seem trivial but not unreal.  I have read the comments by various spiritual leaders that often refer to the worldly events as unreal, to me, they are not unreal just very limited.  We are experiencing existence and those events in order to grow in love.  The events, in themselves, have very little meaning.  The love does not and in that way, the events have value.

Increasing Awareness

I went to the movie “Lucy” today, very enjoyable, and the movie also had some significant points, either by implication or direct statements.  Several points revolved around the fact that we only use a very small portion of our brain’s capacity and what might happen if we used more.  I found myself “welling up” with tears several times because of the truths contained in the movie.  One point made in the movie which I have found to be true is that as a person gains awareness, the attachments and desires that “make us human” tend to fall away as those thing take on less importance.  Other points that were implied during the movie that I have also realized are the importance of relationships, love and being of service.

The Power Of Love

As I said to Maria this evening, “I am amazed by the emotional and physical healing power of God or Love”.  I can begin my daily period of prayer and meditation in a state of emotional turmoil and confusion, which then, quickly, resolves and drifts away.  There are also the numerous physical challenges I face daily which do not just “drift away”, but are reduced and become manageable.  Without the power of God or love, I would certainly not be writing this or enjoying my life, with all of its physical challenges.  I have an excellent brain, and yet I do not understand that power, I just make use of it daily.

Living Within Limitations

Tonight’s events have been very difficult for me to process and still maintain a neutral or even positive attitude, which is important for living with my disability.  Maria and I attended a potluck gathering, a choice which resulted in my attempting to socialize with many people I did not know or did not know well, many with hearing problems.  The situation was also a buffet over uneven, slightly sloped terrain, which would not be a problem for most people, but was for me.  The end result was that I was very uncomfortable, and tending to exaggerate my disability and speech impediment.  The take home lesson is that I function fairly well, within a relatively narrow window of conditions, imposed by my physical limitations.  Tonight’s experience was decidedly outside of that window.

Caring

Continuing with my comments from yesterday, a second major change that I have gone through is coming to truly care about other people and to realize that we are all connected.  When I initially began my recovery process, I did not care about anyone, totally understandable since I was focused on my own hurt, fear and anger.  During the recovery process, my physical situation has gotten quite a bit worse, while my emotional and spiritual conditions have improved dramatically.  The net result is that I feel a lot better about my life, freeing me up to shift my focus to being of service and truly caring about other people.  At this point, being of service and connecting with others are my main activities.

Deep Listening

Today, I was asked why I do what I do, meaning metal health therapy with newly recovering addicts and alcoholics.  My response was threefold: 1) I’m good at what I do, 2) I like to watch people grow, and 3) I enjoy being of service.  That represents quite a shift from the way I used to be, when I did not care about anyone other than myself.
One of the biggest changes that I have gone through has been increasing my ability to listen.  I now incorporate deep listening into what I do.  For me, deep listening involves listening from a deep, receptive, loving and accepting place in myself, to deeper and often subtler (sometimes even unconscious) levels of meaning and intention in the other person. It is listening that is empathic, supportive and accurate.  Listening from a totally open perspective to the words, inflection and the body language of the other person.  Listening without judgment, assumption or projection.  I have found this type of listening to be both very difficult and fulfilling, resulting in a much better level of connection.

A Shift In Attitude

I would really like to see and be a part of a general shift of attitude from fear and anxiety to one of love and faith.  Personally, I have made such a shift in my life, beginning with recovery from drugs and alcohol and continuing with more general life and attitude changes.  The shift has resulted in some physical, emotional and spiritual changes within me and some changes in the atmosphere around me.  Physically, I went from a self-destructive to a healthy life style and the resulting physical health.  Emotionally, I have shifted from hurt, angry and depressed to having joy, peace and fulfillment in my life.  My spiritual shift has been from a void to being a partner with whatever that is, very exciting.  I now affect those I work with and have an obvious impact on everything and everyone in my vicinity.

Love Not Fear

As I said yesterday, thoughts and actions based on love influence everyone in such a way that it causes more love.  Thoughts and actions based on fear tend to do the same, so it is totally understandable that there is as much fear and violence as there is.  Both fear and violence are prominent all around us, in this culture and elsewhere in the world, which is why I limit my exposure by choices like not having a TV.   For the sake of everyone and everything I would like to see the emphasis change.  However, I can only change the way I act and react, which is a large part of the reason I do what I do.