During the earlier part of my life, perhaps the first forty seven years, I kept making changes in the externals of my life, in an attempt to feel better about myself. For example, I got very good at fishing, went fishing a lot and made my own fishing equipment or I learned about raising fish and started a small business by raising African Cichlids. Another good example is that I read a lot of books, got a Ph.D. and kept moving up the academic ladder. These changes, and a whole host of other things, were supposed to make me happy. They did not.
More recently, the last decade or so, I have focused on making internal changes. For example, I have stopped using guilt, shame, criticism and judgements of myself and the world around me. Another, related, example, is that I have increased my internal feelings of love, compassion, acceptance and gratitude. These internal shifts required that I change my world view and view of myself, but also resulted in profound changes in the way I felt about myself. I now love and enjoy myself and my life, which is still notable to me since my external situation is not very good. I am disabled, can no longer do many of the things I used to, am sixty-four, getting older, in pain much of the time and a recovering alcoholic. I am also extremely happy.
