My Song

Many years ago, Joan Baez wrote “I am less than the song I am singing & more than I thought I could be”.  I have long identified with that song.  The “song” I keep singing is the power of love to heal and change lives and I am very passionate about it.  That power has, quite literally, saved my life and, also, changed my life dramatically.  It is also immeasurably greater than myself.  I would like everyone to know and hear that song.
I began my life in a violent, abusive, alcoholic home and grew up with a very low opinion of myself.  By making use of a lot of human and non-human help and guidance, combined with courage and perseverance on my part, I have, largely, overcome my low self image, though whispers of it still remain.  In that way, I am much more than I ever imagined I could be.  I have faced a lot of personal fears (terror?) along the way and found them to be merely vapor, though they seemed very real, at the time.  What better way to know and feel the power of love than through the absence of it?

Loving or Aggressive?

I have heard repeatedly that humans have an aggressive nature, a warlike tendency.  Within me, that part is certainly present, though not expressed.  I have felt it recently and acted on it in the past.  However, there is also the love, God, compassion, peaceful part, which I have also felt and witnessed in others.  That part is in each of us.  Which part gets expressed seems to depend on which part a person “feeds”, which part a person believes in and encourages.  Unfortunately, much of TV and movies feeds the aggressive/violent part.  Personally, I now support the love part, which feels truer and very strong.  The aggressive part has always felt hollow, which makes me question whether it is, in fact, our true nature.

Trustnig The Process

Without going into details for confidentiality reasons, decisions were made, over the past weeks, concerning one of my clients that, initially, I did not agree with.  My concern was that the decisions were harmful to the welfare of my client.  During meditation, when I got into a peaceful, receptive state, I heard/felt “do not be concerned the universe is unfolding as it should”, which I, then, assumed to be true and found very comforting.  I went about my dealings with this client/situation believing that everything would work out in the end, no matter how unlikely that seemed at the time.  I was careful to take the actions that seemed, intuitively, to be right and motivated by love and integrity, rather than fear.  I was especially careful concerning actions I did not want to take because they put myself at risk.  Today it seems that everything will, indeed, work out for everyone’s benefit.

The Transcendental Place

There is a place between the absolute and the conscious mind that we have access to, with practice. I will call it the transcendent place, which, I believe, is what it has been called before. Another name which has been given to this place by me, Jill Bolte Taylor and others is "La-La land". A person can approach (get near it but not there, quite) this place through conscious thought, as in prayer, meditation, or things like intense dance, walking in the woods, climbing a mountain, etc.. How a person gets there differs from person to person, once there, the transcendent place varies little. It can then be accessed by allowing it to happen, but not willing it to happen. Only by allowing not willing it or striving for it. Then when it happens, it feels like a gift and a surprise. Conscious thought, even thinking “I’m doing it!” or “boy, this is neat!” dissipates it. All of a sudden the incessant chatter of the brain stops and a person feels the oneness of all things together with a feeling of great peace and a sense of euphoria, no language while there, only upon return. A person feels the “Unborn, eternal, imperishable, original” Self.

Connection

Generally, when I work with a family or individual I am able to connect with them and we can then do genuine healing work together.  What I mean by “connect” is that either consciously or unconsciously they allow me to join with their essence or energy field, what others have called the “authentic self”.  Within this connection there is a strong feeling of a deep and authentic connection.  On rare occasions I cannot make that connection, there is no joining, usually due to previous hurt that the person has experienced.  Then, the interaction feels flat and superficial.  Without such a joining, I am just using words from outside of the person.  It’s like running a race with a broken leg, not very effective.

Speaking My Truth

I feel the need to sort things out, specifically my interactions with others and my role within those interactions.  I want more clarity.  Because of my history and training, I have fairly extreme insights into the human condition.  My training, experience, level of awareness and awakening all contribute to grasping the human condition on the earthly plain.  My conscious contact, guidance and near death experiences provide me with a more eternal view.  Taken together, I have been gifted with much understanding, though not complete and still developing.
There are many people who appreciate and even depend on my insights, while others do not.  I tend to speak my truth “quietly and clearly” (Ehrmann) much of the time.  I try to be objective and unattached, while speaking my truth, but I also realize that all of the information I have been given is filtered through my own biases.  Perhaps, speaking my truth is my role right now!

Holistc Approach

My doctor tells me that the ultrasound indicates that my thyroid is OK.  She is concerned because both my TSH, produced by my pituitary, and my T4, from the thyroid, are a bit low, according to the normal range.  Generally, when the level of T4 is low, more TSH is produced, telling the thyroid to increase its production of T4.  Therefore, they should not both be low, simultaneously.  The simplest explanation is that my body does not need more T4, an explanation that my doctor rejects, since, according to conventional thought, all humans need a certain level of T4.  I have to be very careful since my body is not necessarily normal and reliance on allopathic medicine has not served me well in the past.  What I try to do is take the information provided by my doctor and integrate it into my holistic, health oriented approach.

Love Versus Co-dependency

I went to the movie “Mud” with Mathew McConaughey today.  The movie depicted various relationships demonstrating love in its pure, selfless, form and also many relationships which demonstrated love mixed with co-dependency, lots of ego and self-interest.  Watching the various relationships in the movie, I was reminded of just how destructive co-dependence has been in my own life.  Because of these various relationships, the movie was either disturbing or beautiful at different tines, quite realistic.  Having now given up my attachments to various things, I feel and act on love in its pure form much of the time.

Doing The Right Thing

My wife is visiting her mother, back east, and we talk regularly on the phone.  A secondary reason for the visit is the possibility of her getting a job in the east and us moving back there.  We both acknowledged on the phone tonight that moving back there in order to chase a paycheck, insurance and retirement would not make sense.  However, moving there because it is “the right” thing to do does make sense.  That is, if our presence there would have some sort of cosmic significance it does make sense to move.  If there is some sort of higher purpose to being there, we would both like to go.  As far as I know, that sort of question can only be answered through meditation, so I should sit, be quiet and receptive.
I have difficulty in meditating about anything where I have emotional involvement, some attachment to outcome.  However, through meditation it seemed clear that it is best for us to stay in Flagstaff.  We shall see.

Spiritual Path

I was reminded today, that one of the roles I play is to assist others in their spiritual quests, their spiritual paths.  I can, figuratively, turn around on my own path and say “try going this way”.  This is a role that is a vital part of my life.  Making a connection with people and then helping them find their own path is something I am quite passionate about and a role that requires that I have genuine respect and love for whoever I am connecting with.  The role feels important to me.  I think it important that, as a species, we advance spiritually and emotionally, perhaps then we can adjust to the technological and scientific changes that have already taken place.