The Power of Love

  Many years ago, while studying for my degree in animal behavior, one of my professors said “treasure your exceptions”, meaning to pay attention to the outliers since they contain valuable information.  Then, when I became disabled in 1987-88, I attended a workshop for people living with AIDS using the techniques of attitudinal healing (unconditional love, meditation, visualization).  One person at that workshop had been sent home from the hospital to die of his AIDS and, when I met him, he was vibrant, apparently healthy and HIV negative.  He was an outlier.  He also inspired me to try using the power of love and self-healing.  I am now an outlier as well.

Connections

Another very busy and long day with lots of connection with others in various different arenas.  The day began as I set up and then participated in a recovery meeting.  As usual, I had numerous brief but intense connections with other recovery friends.  After the meeting I had a period of about an hour of connecting with a variety of different plants around the meeting house.  The plants were feeling and smelling particularly vibrant since this is our rainy period, which they enjoy.  After that I went through several hours of interactions with individuals and families.  During all of the interactions, including those with plants, I made use of deep listening, intuition and guidance, which created a strong feeling of involvement.  The day was exhausting, in addition to being very fulfilling.
Along with the intensity I describe above there was also an underlying knowing that everything was, in addition to very intense and compelling, only a “game” to be enjoyed and participated in, but not taken to seriously.  Just like a very involving and long lasting game of Monopoly, it would last a while and then be over, until next time.  There was much talk and tears for life, death, general experiences and miracles, of various sorts, a wonderful set of experiences, but also transient.

Following Guidance

A very busy day, with lots of connection with others, use of guidance/intuition and intensity.  Several times during the day, I found myself pausing for a few seconds to ask for help and guidance.  I would get some indication of what to say or do and I then acted accordingly.
I noted a very co-dependent tendency in myself to not say things that might upset or disturb other people, forgetting that love is always honest and always increases the integrity of the universe.  I have noticed the tendency in myself several times before and also make it a point to say or do the difficult thing, rather than yielding to the co-dependency.  Having said or done the difficult thing, I have always observed a positive outcome.

Worldly Activities

Yesterday, I found myself suggesting to someone that he be “in the world, but not of it”, meaning, in his case, that it was fine for him to participate in activities that lead to money, power  and prestige, but not to attach to those ideas or think that they will complete him.  It is certainly possible to participate in transient, worldly events and to still focus one’s being on the eternal “I am”.  I, and many others before me, find it much simpler to lead a life largely, though not completely free of those distractions.  Ideally, we could each find a level of participation that works for us.  Personally, I have found that participating in worldly activities tends to pull me away from the reality of love and the Absolute that I have found, a price I am not willing to pay.

Recovery

An intense day.  I had a two hour session with the healer I go to, a hands on, medical intuitive.  I meditate and assist him while he works on me, a very relaxing and enjoyable experience.  My time with him tends to pass quickly.
There are also a number of people in my life who are involved in various types of self-defeating behaviors, everything from negative projections/thoughts to active addiction.  I have dealt with a full spectrum of self-defeating behaviors and feelings of my own.  It is important to note that it is possible to have these behaviors and feelings, become aware of them and grow past them.  I made use of a lot of help and guidance in the process.  The help and guidance came from my human and spiritual connections.

Acting in the Present

I participated in a number of activities today which could have, potentially, caused a great deal of anxiety and frustration in me, but did not.  I simply did what seemed to be the next right thing and let go of the outcome, or the past history leading up to my actions.  The first activity was to straighten out some health insurance issues over the phone.  I have difficulty with phone conversations, because of my speech impediment and this was an issue that required a lot of explaining. They all involved similar activity. Later, I straightened out my corporate status, completed some paperwork and attended a wellness appointment with my physician, all of which required negotiating and explanation.
My point is that I did not delve into the past events that needed to be straightened out in order to move forward.  Neither did I fret over current difficulties in explaining the situation or worry about the eventual outcome.  In the past I would have done all three.   I simply did what seemed to be the next right thing.

Letting Go

I had a very graphic dream last night in which someone was trying to come in my window, I did not want him to, so I killed him by slicing him in half using a hand scythe!  Dreams where I end up killing something or someone, generally symbolize some sort of final change in me or a letting go.  The more graphic dreams, such as this one, indicate that the letting go was very difficult and important.  In this particular dream, the un-reality of the fact that there was no blood, makes the symbolic nature of the dream very clear.  The dream did not represent reality.
The attachment or belief that I have been processing and letting go of, is my attachment to the idea that there is something wrong with being held back from growth by some aspect of the human condition.  For example, many people choose the safety of a known job with benefits, rather than taking the plunge of following their heart toward a more fulfilling and risky future.  Having the faith and trust necessary to overcome their fear would promote their growth, and would be desirable, I thought.  I was taking a very short term stance.  In fact, experiencing that sort of conflict is a valuable part of living, whatever the outcome.

Being Human

The many people I know and care about tend to get down on themselves for acting out of habit, fear, projection, hurt or anger rather than love, faith and heart.  Basically they feel guilt and shame because of acting out of their own humanity, rather than some sort of higher ideal.  For example, holding a job because of a paycheck or keeping that job because of health insurance rather than quitting that job and pursuing some sort of activity that is risky, but feels right and seems to be more virtuous and heart centered.  There is tremendous value in feeling and living with that habit, fear, projection, hurt or anger, feeling it acutely and being aware of how it affects us.  Being human is, after all, what we are here for.  How else would we know and value the peace that comes from acting out of faith and heart/love.

My Song

My message to others is very simply the importance of love, compassion, connectedness and inclusion with no judgement, criticism, competition or drama.  That is also the way in which I live my life.  A few people take my simple message and project onto it their own feelings of judgement, criticism, competition and drama.  My tendency is to think of this projection as unfortunate but I just realized it is not.  Part of me wishes to change it but there is no need.  It is just another example of the, wonderful, human condition and I am only a tool, certainly not immune to the human condition.  I will go on speaking my truth and observing the outcome of my words.

A Beautiful Thing

It is fun to watch the various ideas and feelings in myself and others, come and go.  Even things like the feelings of loss due to a friend’s passing, the death of a relative or outrage at the way people are treating our mother, the earth, incite passion for a while, to be replaced with a feeling of peace and well being, if we allow it. Ultimately, I generally come to the realization that everything is just fine in the universe as it is.   As I commented in the lodge tonight, “being human is a beautiful thing.”