A Magical Day

Once again, life just feels like a magical experience.  The big event for the day was the first sweat lodge that we have had for a couple of months, due to the burn restrictions, which have now been lifted.  I knew that I was not physically capable of directing the lodge preparation, dealing with eleven newly recovering young addicts and then leading the lodge.  As a result, I repeatedly asked for help, guidance and support.  I got all three and felt very strongly connected to God and the lodge.  Not surprisingly, the guys responded to my connection very positively.  They clearly realized that what was happening was not a “normal” experience.  One of them even commented “It’s like we are programmed to have a religious experience!”.  Very gratifying to be a part of the experience.
Earlier in the day, at a staff meeting an event took place which could have upset me, but did not.  Two people apologized to me about the event and I had to be reminded of the event they were talking about, since it meant little to me.  I am pleased that the event in the staff meeting meant so little to me, while I was very passionate about the lodge and the events of the afternoon.

Going With The Flow

My wife, Maria, and I are talking, once again, about selling our house and moving into a smaller place closer to town, or even in town.  I like the idea of simplifying our life a bit more, removing distractions and focusing on spiritual growth.  The idea of moving feels more positive than it has before.  There is also a feeling of fluidity, flowing movement, this time.  We have been talking about the possibility of moving for years, including the possibility of moving back east, to Maryland.  The various possibilities have always felt flat to me, as if nothing would happen.  This is the first time it feels positive.  Perhaps it is time.

Recovery

I practice what I call “extreme recovery” (no TV, radio limited to human interest on NPR, no caffeinated beverages, limited sugar, healing meditation, begin each day with extended prayer and meditation, lots of service work, weekly sweat lodges, daily contact with other recovering addicts/alcoholics) primarily because it works for me.  I walk around each day feeling love for everything and everybody and I am doing very well, physically, in spite of some, potentially, major problems.  I have a very strong spiritual connection and I love my life.  My life is a model for other recovering people, but I hesitate to recommend the rigors of my life to others.
During the meeting tonight, several people talked about the negative behavioral consequences if they drift away from the recovery path, true for me as well.  In addition, I just learned of four friends who have returned to shooting heroin.  Maybe my method of recovery is not so extreme after all!  I think I will continue with my approach.

The Power of Love

  Many years ago, while studying for my degree in animal behavior, one of my professors said “treasure your exceptions”, meaning to pay attention to the outliers since they contain valuable information.  Then, when I became disabled in 1987-88, I attended a workshop for people living with AIDS using the techniques of attitudinal healing (unconditional love, meditation, visualization).  One person at that workshop had been sent home from the hospital to die of his AIDS and, when I met him, he was vibrant, apparently healthy and HIV negative.  He was an outlier.  He also inspired me to try using the power of love and self-healing.  I am now an outlier as well.

Connections

Another very busy and long day with lots of connection with others in various different arenas.  The day began as I set up and then participated in a recovery meeting.  As usual, I had numerous brief but intense connections with other recovery friends.  After the meeting I had a period of about an hour of connecting with a variety of different plants around the meeting house.  The plants were feeling and smelling particularly vibrant since this is our rainy period, which they enjoy.  After that I went through several hours of interactions with individuals and families.  During all of the interactions, including those with plants, I made use of deep listening, intuition and guidance, which created a strong feeling of involvement.  The day was exhausting, in addition to being very fulfilling.
Along with the intensity I describe above there was also an underlying knowing that everything was, in addition to very intense and compelling, only a “game” to be enjoyed and participated in, but not taken to seriously.  Just like a very involving and long lasting game of Monopoly, it would last a while and then be over, until next time.  There was much talk and tears for life, death, general experiences and miracles, of various sorts, a wonderful set of experiences, but also transient.

Following Guidance

A very busy day, with lots of connection with others, use of guidance/intuition and intensity.  Several times during the day, I found myself pausing for a few seconds to ask for help and guidance.  I would get some indication of what to say or do and I then acted accordingly.
I noted a very co-dependent tendency in myself to not say things that might upset or disturb other people, forgetting that love is always honest and always increases the integrity of the universe.  I have noticed the tendency in myself several times before and also make it a point to say or do the difficult thing, rather than yielding to the co-dependency.  Having said or done the difficult thing, I have always observed a positive outcome.

Worldly Activities

Yesterday, I found myself suggesting to someone that he be “in the world, but not of it”, meaning, in his case, that it was fine for him to participate in activities that lead to money, power  and prestige, but not to attach to those ideas or think that they will complete him.  It is certainly possible to participate in transient, worldly events and to still focus one’s being on the eternal “I am”.  I, and many others before me, find it much simpler to lead a life largely, though not completely free of those distractions.  Ideally, we could each find a level of participation that works for us.  Personally, I have found that participating in worldly activities tends to pull me away from the reality of love and the Absolute that I have found, a price I am not willing to pay.

Recovery

An intense day.  I had a two hour session with the healer I go to, a hands on, medical intuitive.  I meditate and assist him while he works on me, a very relaxing and enjoyable experience.  My time with him tends to pass quickly.
There are also a number of people in my life who are involved in various types of self-defeating behaviors, everything from negative projections/thoughts to active addiction.  I have dealt with a full spectrum of self-defeating behaviors and feelings of my own.  It is important to note that it is possible to have these behaviors and feelings, become aware of them and grow past them.  I made use of a lot of help and guidance in the process.  The help and guidance came from my human and spiritual connections.

Acting in the Present

I participated in a number of activities today which could have, potentially, caused a great deal of anxiety and frustration in me, but did not.  I simply did what seemed to be the next right thing and let go of the outcome, or the past history leading up to my actions.  The first activity was to straighten out some health insurance issues over the phone.  I have difficulty with phone conversations, because of my speech impediment and this was an issue that required a lot of explaining. They all involved similar activity. Later, I straightened out my corporate status, completed some paperwork and attended a wellness appointment with my physician, all of which required negotiating and explanation.
My point is that I did not delve into the past events that needed to be straightened out in order to move forward.  Neither did I fret over current difficulties in explaining the situation or worry about the eventual outcome.  In the past I would have done all three.   I simply did what seemed to be the next right thing.

Letting Go

I had a very graphic dream last night in which someone was trying to come in my window, I did not want him to, so I killed him by slicing him in half using a hand scythe!  Dreams where I end up killing something or someone, generally symbolize some sort of final change in me or a letting go.  The more graphic dreams, such as this one, indicate that the letting go was very difficult and important.  In this particular dream, the un-reality of the fact that there was no blood, makes the symbolic nature of the dream very clear.  The dream did not represent reality.
The attachment or belief that I have been processing and letting go of, is my attachment to the idea that there is something wrong with being held back from growth by some aspect of the human condition.  For example, many people choose the safety of a known job with benefits, rather than taking the plunge of following their heart toward a more fulfilling and risky future.  Having the faith and trust necessary to overcome their fear would promote their growth, and would be desirable, I thought.  I was taking a very short term stance.  In fact, experiencing that sort of conflict is a valuable part of living, whatever the outcome.