Connecting With Life

A wonderful day of connecting with a variety of living things; plants, birds and people.  I sensed that the trees in our new back-yard were wanting to connect with me, so I went out to be with them for a while.  I walked around the yard to each of them, acknowledging what fine specimens they each were and allowed them to enfold me in their own nurturing and scents.  The experience was an enjoyable period of connection and presence.  I then experienced a similar connection with the birds, particularly the cobalt blue and black Stellar Jays.
I also experienced a more normal, loving and strong connection with Maria and a client.  With each of them I was able to clear away my own concerns, focus on them, be present and employed deep listening.

Life Is Good

Tonight, immediately after a recovery meeting, I was hugging a woman who I know well, and who is currently having an emotionally difficult time.  As I was hugging her I commented that “life is good.........sometimes we just don’t know it yet”.  This particular woman used to be a rager, and is now very empathic, compassionate, understanding and loving.  Similar to my own situation and progression, she made that transition, in part, due to emotionally difficult times, times that were very unpleasant but, ultimately, that had a beneficial effect.
Today, having gone through the recent move, I feel a lot of gratitude for who I am and the fact that I have enough of everything.  Being “lost in a trackless desert” is just right, for now.  Meaning, I have no clue why, but it feels right to be here in this new house within Flagstaff.  There was a strong sense of the move being divinely guided and I cooperated by doing the next right thing.

Following A Spiritual Path

A quiet day of unpacking and learning to fit in to our new place, which is in-town, decidedly mainstream (we are not!) and a bit more than half the size of our previous dwelling.  I did not interact/connect with anyone other than Maria today, very nice.  Both of us are wondering where this transition will lead us.  We just know that the move feels right.  As T. Green, S.J. points out, leading a life of prayer is like “being lost in a trackless desert”.  I simply go and do where I am directed.  Understanding is not required.

Listening To My Body

Yesterday we began moving in to our new home and today we finished.  Primarily, what I did was to stay out of the way, which is what I do when there is a lot of physical activity, since I am so slow due to my disability.  The important thing to me is that during a quiet time I was able to reflect on my feelings about the move for a while and I cried a bit.  I always tell people to pay attention when they cry, since crying means something significant is happening.  In this case, they were tears of gratitude and a knowing that the move was very significant for my process.  I cannot say that I fully understand why, but I have learned to pay attention when I cry, for the reason I just said.  In my case, the tears are an important indication of a significance that I know about only subconsciously and that I may get to through meditation, which I will try now.

New Beginning

We closed on our new house today and then the realtor came out and gave us the keys.  A very definite “new beginning” for us.  We each have a strong feeling of letting go of some things we were holding on to and a new sense of freedom.  In my case, I have always bought houses that required a lot of work and, in general, I had a high maintenance life style.  As I have indicated in previous entries, this house does not require any work and is fairly basic, with minimal distractions.  I will still need to focus a lot of energy toward my physical condition, however, the new house will allow me to be of greater service and for me to explore my sense of “I am”.

Pain & Anxiety

Today, I was experiencing a substantial amount of nerve pain in my lower back and radiating through my buttocks and into my leg, primarily on the right side.  I recognized that in addition to my physical problems, the pain was related to the anxiety about my coming move.  In meditation I went into the pain and anxiety, trying to feel each intensely, and, after feeling the anxiety and pain, switched over to gratitude and healing.  I need to take it easy for a few days, but I feel much better.

Eternal Truths

It is totally amazing, somewhat incredible and very reassuring for me to find out that the various mystics, spiritual leaders or enlightened masters from a variety of disciplines have all encountered the same eternal truths as I have.  Generally, what happens, in my case, is that I will experience something like the feelings of the Absolute in the God place and then read a description, in their own words, from Saint Teresa of Avila, Saint John of the Cross, Nisargadata Maharaj or Black Elk, of the same thing.  This is a pattern that has happened repeatedly.  I have had no formal training and was not raised within any tradition, and yet arrive at the same eternal truths.  Apparently, those truths simply exist and are encountered by clearing away attachments and distractions during things like the prayer of quiet or meditation.  I believe them to be real.

Loving The Enemy

I went to the movie “Ender’s Game” today and found it to be very enjoyable.  The movie went beyond the average character development and a bit further into emotional and spiritual realms than most movies.  I do not recall an exact quote, but one of the most important comments to me was that when a person really comes to know and understand an enemy, they also come to love that enemy.  So true, whether the enemy is internal, external or both.  To me, loving, embracing and respecting an enemy is a necessary part of working with it.  Especially when it comes to an internal issue, like my dark side, trying to simply fight it gives it power, rather than overcoming it.  Understanding, loving and embracing the issue, allows me to stop acting on it, and, ultimately, lets it dissolve.

Listening

A very pleasant and quiet day.  For Maria and myself, the process of preparation for moving involves a lot of clearing out of un-needed items, both physically and emotionally, a sort of cleansing.  For the moment, that seems to be done.
During a group I led yesterday, the participants were all compassionate, understanding and respectful of each other.  During the group they made an obvious effort to be cooperative and to be of service to each other.  According to staff comments and reports, they were not at all like that before or after group.  I am reminded of the comments of Remen in My Grandfather’s Blessings, “When you listen, the integrity and wholeness in others moves closer.  Your attention strengthens it and makes it easier for them to hear it in themselves.  In your presence, they can more easily inhabit that in them which is beyond their limitations, a place of greater freedom and sanctuary.  Eventually they may be able to live there.”

Giving Up Attachments

We took down the lodges today.  Actually, other people took part in taking down the lodges while I watched, felt and meditated.  I could sense that, as I said in my previous entry, that nothing of any significance was changing, a strange sensation, but also undeniable.
Tonight during my period of prayer and meditation I felt quite a bit more clear, as if I had given up some major attachment.  I gather that my attachment was to the physical structures and what they meant to me.  As various spiritual teachers have indicated, giving up attachments is a large part of spiritual growth, and the process leads to greater freedom.  This was a good example.