Compassion & Love

I live within the love and compassion that comes from that force I identify as God.  I carry and act according to that force throughout the day.  To me, like a loving parent, that force is not always sweet and gentle, though it certainly is much of the time.  Also, like a loving parent, that force will and has prevented me from doing things that were extremely self-destructive, like attempting suicide.  For the most part, God allows me to experience natural consequences.  I use that caring and love as a model for my own actions, when interacting with others.

Achieving Peace & Love

I have been reflecting on the message contained in the poem “The Perfect High” by Shel Silverstein.  As he says at the end of the poem "Yes, Lord, it's always the same...old men or bright-eyed youth... It's always easier to sell 'em some shit than it is to tell them the truth."  The fact is that I have gone through a great deal of internal work and have had to overcome numerous internal obstacles, with the result that I now live a simple life of peace and love.  I readily admit that the path has not been easy or fun but the end result is beyond what I thought possible.  I have noticed over and over that many people admire and are drawn to my way of life, but, at the same time, do not want to do the necessary work to achieve the same, so I also make them uncomfortable.

It Could Be Worse

As I commented to Maria tonight “within our challenges, we have it pretty good”.  What I meant was that, yes, we each have physical, emotional & spiritual problems or challenges, but we each meet those challenges with awareness, humility and willingness.  We are very aware of our options, humble enough to ask for help, when needed and willing to take the necessary action.  A person can’t do much better than that.  For the most part, as is often the case with other people, the problems are pronounced enough to get our attention, but not insurmountable.

The Power Of Love Or God

In my recovery program, drinking is viewed by some as a very negative thing and not drinking is celebrated.  I do not agree with drinking being negative since drinking or using drugs is a normal, though self-destructive, part of being an alcoholic or addict.  I do consider it a miracle that several times a week I sit in rooms full of addicts and alcoholics who are not drinking or using.  We are clearly the unusual ones, since we are not using or drinking, a testament to the power of love or God.  Today I was in the company of an active alcoholic who was going into withdrawal, since he had not had a drink for several hours, a miserable feeling.

Patience

I had to chuckle a bit during the recovery meeting I attended today.  The topic was “patience” and during the meeting, I reflected on the fact that several years ago I would lose patience with people who walked or talked slowly.  At the present time the only people who walk more slowly than me are the very old or disabled and I don’t know anyone who talks slower than I do.  I used to be impatient much of the time, and did not enjoy the feeling.  My body has since taught me patience and I am more at peace as a result.

Sorting Time

A day of relaxation and sorting.  I did some exercising, went to a movie and did some computer work, but mainly I did a lot of meditation and contemplation, just siting and sorting.  My main focus during sorting is asking myself if my recent actions were in harmony with the three questions I use; 1) would I do this in front of God, 2) is it really my responsibility, 3) will this increase the integrity of the universe.  I just go through my recent actions and decide what future actions I need to take, based on the questions, using a loving approach, rather than guilt, shame and fear.  In the past, I would emotionally hammer myself with guilt, shame and fear and there still are whispers of that, a small amount of that tendency still exists.  For the most part, I just ask myself, fondly, if there is anything I would like to do differently or in addition.

Not In Charge

I was reading an account of a dream I had a little over a year ago in which I, symbolically, go through a variety of life stages and finally get to a stage of being totally lost in a wilderness area, a symbolic statement of how I felt emotionally and spiritually.  In the dream, I was only minimally uncomfortable with being lost.  The main difference between then and now, is that now I am totally comfortable with being lost.  I am clearly not in charge of where my own life is going.  I am in charge of the actions I take today, my next step.  As I said to Maria tonight “I know we own our house, but I feel like it is a rental”, a valid statement for the rest of my life as well..

Embracing Qualities

We exist within a world of dualities like pain versus pleasure, young versus old, pleasant versus unpleasant and we tend to place a higher value on one side over the other.  That bias feels shortsighted to me.  The fact is that both sides of any duality are equally valuable parts of the whole and each side contributes equally to the life process.  I find it best to embrace both sides, while usually enjoying one more than the other.

Looking At All Sides

I attended a gathering today where a great deal of time was spent expounding on the positive changes a person experiences during recovery and there was no mention of the difficulties, pain or struggle frequently involved in the process.  The bias was not surprising, is pretty common, but also felt a bit dishonest.  Both sides are a valuable part of the recovery process.  I prefer looking at and embracing the whole picture, rather than only talking about the pleasant aspects.

Guidance & Support

As I said during my recovery meeting today, the power of love or God has saved my life at least three times; once overcoming drugs, once overcoming alcohol and three times dealing with my disability.  Given that, I have no trouble in turning my life and will over to that power and I would be foolish to not acknowledge that there is something there.  As I said in a later meeting, I have also been given the necessary guidance and support to help me survive and thrive with those challenges.  I now spend a portion of each day, asking for continued support and guidance.