Support & Guidance

This morning I attended a meeting of the Friends (Quaker), during which I focused on being relaxed, quiet and listening.  As usual, I had several good connections and it was nice to be with similar minds.  Then this afternoon, Maria and I drove out to the Twin Arrows area for a few more hours of being quiet and listening.  My intuition and guidance tells me that this is a time to pay attention, be alert, and ready to change course, that there are things of importance going on.  I have not been able to go beyond that, presumably because I don’t need too.  I trust that I will be provided with what I need.

Prayer & Meditation

I would not say that I have been feeling overwhelmed by life the last couple of days, but, at least at maximum capacity.  My response, on this occasion, is to spend more of my day in quiet meditation and contemplation, what I think of as sorting time.  I do not attempt to fit everything into a logical and linear process, but to have some comfort with it.  I cannot say that I have reached any sort of resolution or understanding of what is bothering me, but it feels right to do the sorting.  My meditation consists of relaxing, filling myself with loving intent, asking for guidance and then allowing and listening.  I want a resolution but make an effort not to push it.

Loving Detachment

As I have been taught or shown, I watch the choices regarding dealing with the Ebola virus with considerable interest, detachment, understanding and compassion.  It appears that the eventual outcome is very much up in the air, at this point, but there have been natural consequences thus far.  As various scientists have pointed out, the virus has demonstrated very normal population growth at this point, and, if not stopped, will enter the exponential phase soon.  Not that I can do anything about it, but I suspect, like with other events, that the final outcome will be beneficial.

Ordinary & Extraordinary

This was another ordinary/extraordinary day.  Ordinary in the fact that my day consisted of normal Thursday activities, like two clients, lunch, a recovery meeting, a haircut, dinner and enjoying the feeling & smells of the evening with Maria in my backyard.  Extraordinary in that I am able to participate in those activities at all with the insights and understanding that I have.  I realize that I could easily be dead and that, through my meditation, contemplation and experience, I have a far deeper understanding of life than I thought possible.  It feels good to be grateful.

Being Of Service

I had a day of staff meetings and talking of political concerns, interspersed with some talk of the clients.  I was reminded of how easy it is to get wrapped up in the drama of political concerns and begin to neglect the clients.  At one point, I found myself saying, “always remember that your job is to serve the children”, meaning to serve the clients not other staff.  I need to remember that love, connection and relationships are important and not get lost in distractions and drama.

Courage To Change

I, like many others, have emotional scars left over from the past, earlier in my life.  The specifics don’t matter but I thought these left over beliefs defined me.  The associated behaviors did, in fact, help me survive - then.  I mean, in no way, to blame anyone in my past, since they were all doing the very best they could and they all had their own challenges.  The fact is that those beliefs about myself held me back from the person I wanted to be.  It took the courage to change, a lot of meditation together with the love, support and guidance of God for me to realize that those beliefs were lies and to discard them.  I now work with many others to help them overcome similar beliefs that hold them back.

The Grand Canyon

We went to the Grand Canyon today, and the sacred Lakota pipe I was recently given wanted to go with us.  When we went to our first lookout it was crowded with tourists all scurrying about taking pictures, enjoying themselves, reminding me of how different I am.  I felt the need to sit, be still, listen and simply  be with the canyon, out of respect for its sacredness.  At that point, I went into a trance of sorts.  I became one with the pipe and the canyon, weird but unforgettable.  I later described the feeling as being part of a wave in the ocean.  What I meant was being part of something massive and powerful that was moving, but not really moving, just full of potential.

The Love or God-Seed

I attended a Friend’s (Quaker) meeting today and the theme was something like, if indeed, the love or God-seed is in all people, then we should realize that it is even in people like Hitler or Saddam Hussein, and act accordingly, a good message.  I was struck by the message because I know it to be true.  As I commented in the meeting, I, very purposefully, seek out and work with antisocial people who others frequently do not want to be close to.  I have never failed to find that love or God-seed within them.  That seed is always there and it is the part I work with.

Compassion & Love

I live within the love and compassion that comes from that force I identify as God.  I carry and act according to that force throughout the day.  To me, like a loving parent, that force is not always sweet and gentle, though it certainly is much of the time.  Also, like a loving parent, that force will and has prevented me from doing things that were extremely self-destructive, like attempting suicide.  For the most part, God allows me to experience natural consequences.  I use that caring and love as a model for my own actions, when interacting with others.

Achieving Peace & Love

I have been reflecting on the message contained in the poem “The Perfect High” by Shel Silverstein.  As he says at the end of the poem "Yes, Lord, it's always the same...old men or bright-eyed youth... It's always easier to sell 'em some shit than it is to tell them the truth."  The fact is that I have gone through a great deal of internal work and have had to overcome numerous internal obstacles, with the result that I now live a simple life of peace and love.  I readily admit that the path has not been easy or fun but the end result is beyond what I thought possible.  I have noticed over and over that many people admire and are drawn to my way of life, but, at the same time, do not want to do the necessary work to achieve the same, so I also make them uncomfortable.