Discernment

Today, I was very aware that there is a big difference between someone who has a firm but theoretical concept of the loving presence of God versus someone who has a “knowing” of that presence.  I find that I have little patience for someone who has a theoretical knowledge, no matter how well presented.  I also find that I have a great deal of respect for the knowing, no matter how it is expressed, even when the words “God” or “love” are not used.  I believe that I can sense the difference, whether they agree with me or not.

Living a Life of Love

Several years ago, during my morning meditation, I would immerse myself in the feeling of the extreme/absolute unconditional love of God.  Then, when I came out of the meditation, the memory of that feeling would persist and affect all of my interactions during the day.  One day, when I came out of meditation, that feeling of extreme/absolute unconditional love persisted as my reality, not just as a memory.  When I asked how I could function in the world and continue to have that feeling, I was told “you’ll get used to it”.  That feeling has continued to be my reality and, as I commented to a friend this morning “I pretty much live there”.  I do slip from that feeling on occasion, getting absorbed by some obsessive, negative thought, and now miss the feeling when it is not there.  I think of myself as living in a “bubble of love” or being in partnership with God.  That way of being has changed my life dramatically.

Concept of God

Personally, I feel no need to personify or even understand the power or force I know as God or love, in any way, though I also do not object to anyone who attempts to do so.  That power or force has saved my life several times and performed, what I consider, miraculous actions.  I am with that power every day, and ask frequently for support and guidance, with positive results.  My devotion is total but my understanding is minimal.

Acceptance

The topic for today’s recovery meeting was “acceptance”.  When I spoke I mentioned the numerous things that I need to accept about myself, if I am to have a peaceful life, things like being an addict, disabled and having a speech impediment.  I spoke of the things I need to avoid doing and the challenges that I face daily.  I also mentioned that “I am a fairly remarkable and unique human being”, which is true but difficult to admit.  The same is also true of all other people, and acceptance of that fact, would be a good thing.

Taking Care of Business

A long day of taking care of logistical necessities, like staff meetings, balancing the check book, budget matters and paying bills, a “matter of fact” sort of a day.  As usual, the day began with a period of meditation followed by exercising.  It is important for me to take care of the things required by life.

Health & Healing

It pleases me to note that the “alternative medicine” portion of the medical community is beginning to look at the efficacy of some meditative techniques for health and healing of neurological problems, such as mine.  At this point, I am only aware of them looking at “mindful meditation”, not the extensive meditative techniques I use, but it’s a start.  I have made use of the mind-body connection, attitudinal healing and visualization along with basic mindful meditation for over twenty five years with very positive results.

Learning About Love

Today Maria and I went to the movie “Into The Woods”.  I found it to be a very enjoyable portrayal of the delights and dangers we face when we participate in risky, sometimes foolish behaviors, in other words, when we enter the woods.  It was also clear in the movie that being alive and living is a learning process.  I have come to understand, through the processes mentioned yesterday that learning process is a large part of being human.  I gather that the end of that process is the eventual arrival at the simplicity and importance of love.

Understanding Is Not Required

I have learned and I know a lot of things, partly through my own observations, partly through my reading, partly through meditation and partly through my mystical connection.  The more I learn, the more I realize that I know next to nothing: as deCastillejo says “faced with the mystery of life and death we know almost nothing”.  This morning several people brought up the apparent tragedies of life, things like deaths, abuse or destruction, things that most people assume to be “bad”, since they are unpleasant.  People ask “how do these things fit within love”.  My sense is that they do fit and that we simply do not understand.

Balance

I lead a relatively active life and am involved in many activities, including leisure, voluntary service, recovery activities and paid work.  I am extremely grateful to be able to participate in all of that, in spite of the very real limitations placed on me by my disability.  I also need to recognize and live within those limitations, a constant balancing act.  There are things that I do daily to minimize those limitations, like watching my diet, keeping my weight low and regular exercise.  Balancing all of that leads to a very fulfilling life.

Detachment

Right now, toward the end of this day, I feel lost and confused, not quite in harmony with life, a bit out-of-synch.  The feeling seems to be part of being in the open ocean of life, unattached to things and “lost in a trackless desert”.  Meaning, the feeling is natural since there is nothing to hold on to.  Usually, I enjoy the feeling, realizing that everything is as it should be,  having faith and being immersed in love.  I think it’s time to meditate on that.