Letting Go

Today I was very conscious of the need to simply “go with the flow” of the various events in my life, to not fight or resist anything.  In the past I tried to control things, which required a lot of energy and usually resulted in a sense of irritation, since most things did not go exactly as I had planned.  That approach also made me tired by the end of the day.  Today was very busy and I was conscious of just moving through it without grasping, anticipating or trying to control.

Harmony

As I commented yesterday, “My job is to listen and do the next right thing, pretty simple.”  The fact is that I do not get to control the outcome and I experience a great deal less stress if I let that part go.  I do get to have a sense of clarity or harmony when I choose the best path and I have arrived at that sense of harmony today.  As typically happens, I arrive at that sense of harmony by exploring various choices during meditation until one choice stands out.

Not in Charge

Today was a difficult day.  I had several complex interactions in my dealings with clients and, as a result, found myself asking for support and guidance several times during the day.  As I commented to someone during the day, I am not totally comfortable since the outcome is yet to be determined.  However, I also need to keep in mind that the outcome is not up to me and that everything will work out fine, though I may not like it.  My job is to listen and do the next right thing, pretty simple.

What Matters 2

Yesterday, I referred to the comment that “Nothing matters very much and very few things matter at all".  When I meditate in the God place and during my daily interactions, I sense clearly that the things that do not matter at all include many worldly concerns and material possessions.  The same activities tell me that love, relationships and connections do matter.  Within any given lifetime the love, relationships and connections have a great deal of significance and matter a lot.  Considering a more eternal perspective the love, relationships and connections within any given lifetime matter less, since they evolve and change over time.

What Matters Most

Tonight I attended a recovery meeting in the home of someone who had just had open heart surgery.  Not surprisingly, spiritual beliefs and connections were the main topics in the meeting.  I really enjoyed the meeting, in part because being close to death tends to strip away many of the concerns of day-to-day life.  Those concerns cease to matter and discussion turns to things that seem important.  I was reminded of the truth of the phrase I heard early in my own recovery, that “Nothing matters very much and very few things matter at all".

Focus On Love

It is quite clear to me that a life which is focused on love and being of service to others, has benefitted me physically, emotionally and spiritually.  For many years, I led a life which centered on fear and stress, and believed it was important and practical to do so.  I now do many of the same things, like having insurance, paying bills or attending to business, but I also have the attitude that everything is fine, that the universe is unfolding as it should.  I am reminded of the comment by Williamson when she said “It’s as though, as soon as we got here, we were given a sleeping pill. The thinking of the world, which is not based on love, began pounding in our ears the moment we hit shore.”

A Holistic Approach

The procedure which I follow every morning, outlined in my entry yesterday, is relatively extreme.  I also eat carefully, exercise several times a week and am mindful/focused about everything I say and do.  I do these things in order to carry the message of love/God and be of service to my fellow humans.  These activities require a great deal of discipline, but it does not feel like discipline since it is part of my survival and leads to a fulfilling life.  I now find that the things I do are supported by many recent evidence based studies.  The studies demonstrate that the procedures I incorporate in my lifestyle are beneficial, but not why or how, though they can theorize.  A life based on love works well.

Upon Awakening

I get up in the middle of the night, generally between midnight and 2 A.M., in order to pray, meditate, write and read until around 4:00 A.M., at which point I begin a period of deep meditation until 6:00 A.M., when I begin the activities of my day.  That is the time of the day when I feel closest to God/love.  The procedure I do sets the tone for the day.  I ask for support, guidance and that I act out of love for that day.  I did not strive for this procedure, in fact I have tried to sleep normally, without success.  However, I also recognize that starting my day this way works for me, so I do not wish to change it.

Fellowship

Tonight we had our monthly men’s meeting which was, as usual, a wonderful, fairly intimate and loving experience.  We are a group of ten guys in recovery who get together monthly and talk about what is really going on in our lives.  We also just went on retreat together. Tonight and for the last several days I have been reflecting on the importance of fellowship in my life.  The fact is that I depend on having a loving connection with a lot of people.  I also enjoy my solitude, but seem to require both to be happy.

Holistic Healing

I recently learned of research studies conducted within the “Preventive Medicine Research Institute” presided over by Dr. Dean Ornish, on “comprehensive lifestyle changes”, very similar to the holistic approach I have used for many years.  Their study included the practice of mindful meditation, which I use, though not the specific and directed meditative visualization and practice of unconditional love,  which I also use.  They found very clear, positive, physical effects.  On the one hand, I am validated, encouraged by and applaud the research.  On the other hand, I find that I am disturbed by all of the negative comments and resistance I have received, but then why should this be different from other new understandings or techniques.