The Dark Side

While working with others I frequently end up talking to them about their dark sides and the destructive and sometimes dangerous things they have done in the past due to that darkness.  I also frequently admonish them that, though they need not act on it, it will always be there.  In my case, yesterday, I was likened to an “old dog” because a person can treat me poorly and I will still love them, totally true.  For years now, I have acted in a loving way and that behavior is completely genuine.  Today, as a matter of self-awareness, I checked inside myself to see if my destructive anger and rage was still there and it is.  My darkness is also still terrifying and I wish it weren’t there.  I don’t even like writing about it.  Which side “wins” really is determined by the wolf you feed.  I prefer to feed the loving part of me.

Connection

I was the main speaker at my recovery meeting this morning, an activity that still makes me very nervous after all these years of doing it.  I volunteered to speak because I was stirred up by the need to promote my book and I have learned to speak up when something bothers me, though part of me still wants to do the opposite.  I spoke of the need to work a very broad based recovery program and emphasized the importance of unconditional love.  Speaking very definitely took the power out of my being stirred up - it now just seems sort of silly.

Balance

I have been reading Black Elk Speaks, which was dictated by Black Elk and written down by John Neihardt.  Black Elk lived during the settling movement of European immigrants to this country toward the end of the eighteen hundreds and the early part of the nineteen hundreds.  It is now clear that the white European settlers behaved like what we now call “invasive weeds” during their movement to this country.  The settlers were motivated largely by capitalism and had little love or respect for other living entities or the earth that supports us.  The resident Native people had that love and respect, complicated by some brutality and enslavement of members of other tribes, a balance which seems to reflects the human condition.

Taking Things Personally

Recently, I have found myself repeatedly admonishing people to not take things personally.  The fact is that I used to take the actions of others to be a personal affront when all it really meant was that I was there & available.  I am reminded of the comments of Mother Teresa, “People are often unreasonable, illogical and self-centered; Forgive them anyway.” The fact is that the behavior of others usually has little or nothing to do with me

The Value Of Spirituality

Today I felt excited at the prospect of having a positive effect on many people in terms of enhancing their spiritual growth through my book.  I notice that there is a large emphasis on materialism, short-term gain, capitalism and individualism, all activities that result in a very transient feeling of pleasure, with an ultimate feeling of hollowness and a longing for more.  I would like to see a shift toward the spiritual principals of love, connection, inclusiveness and humility, all attitudes that promote long-term satisfaction and increase the integrity of the universe.

Importance Of Spiritual Growth

Today I had a lunch meeting with some people who have experience with and know a great deal more than I do about the book publishing industry, very illuminating.  One of the things that became quite clear during the meeting is that my contract gives my publishing company a distinct financial advantage if any profit is to be made from my book.  I was pleased to note that I don’t care much about any sort of financial gain, while also admitting that it would be nice.  I was clear that my purpose in writing and publishing the book was/is to enhance the spiritual growth of the readers and to get the message of the importance of that “out there”.

Self-care

Largely because of the promotion of my book, these are stressful times for me, requiring a lot of self-care.  When I mention self-care I am talking about things like exercise, sleep, peace-time, meditation and distractions, activities that benefit me without any harm to others.  I also took the time to work with others today, which I can do as long as I take care of me as well.

Asking For Help

Today I had a two hour photo session to get some pictures for the promotion of my book.  I was definitely out of my comfort zone, which is to be quiet, in the background a not “out there” at all.  I found it both exhilarating and exhausting.  In order for me to accomplish this change, I need to ask for guidance from my God, put my own preferences aside and follow the suggestions of friends and associates.  I am not even attempting to do this alone.  So far, I am accomplishing that, while also desiring to escape!

Unconditional Love

I tend to view the various actions of people in this world through a lense of unconditional love, meaning a high level of discernment and a low level of judgement.  I notice many actions that are destructive to each other or this planet that supports us, usually for some sort of selfish, short term “gain”.  I have to admit that those actions sadden me, but I put no value judgement on them, I don’t view them as good or bad, they just are.  We are all just silly, foolish humans gradually learning and growing.

Meditating

I really enjoy just sitting quietly, focusing on a combination of relaxing and breathing and then meditating. I frequently count my breaths but only one on the in-breath and two on the out-breath, more than that is distracting and too complicated.  I just let everything go for several minutes, multiple times a day, particularly if something stressful comes up.  It’s like a mini vacation, very pleasant.  I am more apt to be present and attend to what I am doing, if I do that.