Attitude

Today was a day of fulfilling my daily duties while also keeping in mind the three questions (would I do this in front of God ?; is it really my responsibility ?; will this increase the integrity of the universe?). For today the last question was most important. I attempt to do things out of a loving attitude, realizing that it will increase the integrity of the universe. For example, even doing something like paper work or preparing for taxes can be done with a constructive, positive attitude.

Balance

This was a very "meat & potatoes" sort of a day, meaning I did several very simple, but necessary "living and functioning on this planet" type of things. I exercised, shoveled snow, went to a movie, paid bills and did some preparation for tax season, all simple direct and necessary. I did not do much of the intense connection or spiritual work that I usually do. This day was a break & it felt good, part of balance.

Focus

I have noticed a couple of times lately that I performed activities without being aware of what I was doing, without focus. I used to do that all the time like walking or driving somewhere while thinking of other things and not really being aware of what I was doing, going through life distracted and unaware. That no longer works for me and is a sign that I am doing too much. The other day I was distracted and unthinking while using a knife and ended up cutting myself fairly badly - a lesson I should pay attention to.

Being Social

This was a day of sharp contrasts for me. I had some experiences with individuals or very small groups of about five where I was able to connect with the people, truly enjoyed the experience and even found it invigorating. I love the feeling of connecting with others on a trusting, feeling and empathic level. I also had the experience of being in several groups of twenty or more, which I was able to tolerate and recognize the experience as part of the human condition. I am very sensitive to the energy around me and in the larger groups people are generally superficial, posturing and fearful of the impression they are making. Personal connection is difficult or impossible. As a result, I love being with people, but I am not social.

Harmony

Today I was very aware of feeling in total harmony with the universe and connected with everything and everyone, a very good feeling. Normally, I have that feeling strongly when I get up to pray and meditate in the middle of the night and then less strongly during the day when I get distracted by worldly events. Those events seem compelling at the time, but are, mostly, trivial. Today I knew all day that "Nothing matters very much and very few things matter at all".

Making Choices

It’s a bit strange for me to consider on the one hand that, as a therapist, I am considered as a change agent while, on the other hand I realize that I can change no-one. I can and do provide suggestions, but also respect and honor free will. I know and take delight in the fact that by making choices we learn and grow. Personally, in my past I have made numerous fear-based and destructive choices, which resulted in unpleasant consequences. Having experienced those consequences, I now attempt to make love-based choices that increase the integrity of the universe.

My Role

I am a therapist, a "change agent", who, very intentionally, works in partnership with that force or power I call God. As I like to say "I play my piano & sing my little song", which comes from a Ray Stevens song. My role is to love, connect with and then let go of the person I am working with. I always attempt to increase the integrity of the universe and do what I am told by that force or power. My role requires awareness, listening and discipline. My role is also very fulfilling.

Doing My Best

In my efforts to act according to love, compassion, inclusiveness I also attempt to be direct, open and honest. I do pretty well in my efforts, though I do fall short, especially when being accused, criticized or misunderstood. The words of Mother Teresa come to mind, "Give the world the best you have, and it may never be enough; Give the world the best you’ve got anyway. You see, in the final analysis, It never was between you and them anyway." I do get defensive and feel confused when others make assumptions and projections about me. I have to keep in mind that the world I live in is different from me and my approach.

A Switch

I spent a good part of today talking about and in preparation for my coming panel discussion. There was an internal shift in that I found the activities to be exciting rather than dreading them and there was also a recognition that I would have to do this sort of thing if I really wanted to "change the world". It’s not that I think I have answers for other people, I know I don’t. However, I would like to see a shift away from materialism, competition and short term gain towards love, compassion, inclusiveness and long term sustainability.

Courage

This was another day of doing things to help me be "all I can be" on the one hand and self-doubt on the other hand. Being all I can be tends to arise out of the love-based , essence or God part of myself. That part of me feels confident and good about my activities to promote my panel discussion & my efforts to "change the world". That part of me knows that I am simply doing my best to increase the integrity of the universe and that everything is fine. The self-doubt part is very ego, fear and worldly based. That part of me says that I am sticking my neck out too far and that it will get cut off. Sigh!