Sacred Time

I continue to get up between 12:00 and 1:00 A.M. to be in "the God place" and perform various activities like praying, meditating, answering e-mails and writing in this journal. I then return to bed around 3:00 or 4:00. Those hours are a sacred time for me. I have found to be true what Walsch says of times like these "In the stillness, you will find your true being. In the silence you will hear the breathing of your soul ---- and of God. I have told you many times, and I tell you here again: You will find Me in the stillness." I use that time for thoughts, contemplation and decisions I consider important.

Gratitude

Today was Sunday and I went about several of my regular Sunday activities like a Friend’s meeting and connections with friends and then my major activity of mowing about half of my back yard. We have an electric mower since it is easier to maintain and safer for me. I consider mowing to be good physical therapy since it is good exercise for my back and it challenges my balance to walk behind a mower. I felt a tremendous sense of gratitude since I have not been able to do that for some time and it just felt good to be active and outside. I could hear and watch the birds and feel the cool air.

Understanding Is Not Required

Maria and I have each been very active in service work for the last couple of weeks. For myself that meant mentorship, guiding a retreat, connecting with others and my regular recovery meetings. These activities felt right to me but I also have to admit that I do not really understand what is going on in the world. I "play my piano and sing my little song" (Stevens) which is generally an effort to spread love whenever and however I can. I also have a sense of peace and gratitude which is beyond understanding.  As I say in my book "Understanding is not required".

Connection

This was a day of connecting very strongly and lovingly with several other people. The connections all felt very good - free of self-interest or ego gratification of any kind. I am still a little tired from leading the retreat in Mexico toward the end of last week - which did not matter at all. I automatically went into service mode. As long as I look after my own limits and needs "serving with an open heart is what nourishes and fulfills both the giver and the receiver." It was a good day.

Afflicting the Comfortable 2

I spoke yesterday of "afflicting the comfortable" or, in other words, making observations or giving advice that is out of people’s comfort zone, things they don’t want to hear. I am often in a position to make such observations or give advice, and do so only when asked. Of the three questions I describe in my book (would I do this in front of God, or whatever you call that power/force?; is my name really on it or is it really my responsibility?; will this increase the integrity of the universe, or is this loving?), the last question about increasing the integrity of the universe is usually most important. I have to make sure I am coming from a loving, selfless place rather than being angry, jealous, self-centered or self-righteous in any way. If I am feeling any negative emotions I need to wait and clear myself, usually through meditation and introspection.

Afflicting The Comfortable

As I have said many times, I "comfort the afflicted and afflict the comfortable". By afflicting I mean that I tell people things that they do not wish to hear in order to promote their true and honest growth. I did both during the retreat, whenever it was requested. When afflicting I am particularly careful to be loving but blunt and honest, rather than "brutally honest". Generally, people’s initial response is defensive or angry with a change to gratitude after a few minutes or more. I always keep the three questions I talk about in my book in mind when doing any interaction.

Acceptance

This was a day of travel back from Flagstaff, AZ to Columbia, MD, flying on jets for several hours, a trip that by car last summer took several days. The trip was grueling but a great deal better than by car. I don’t travel well but as long as I accept my very limited physical abilities, have various attendants wheel me around in wheelchairs and get all of the help needed, I do OK. Traveling, as with many activities, ends up being an exercise in accepting my disability. Leading a three day spiritual retreat was also a wonderful experience.

Historical Jesus

This morning I had the opportunity to really connect with someone and communicate about love and the very powerful and positive feeling of being with the force I know as God, a totally wonderful experience. I could feel the presence of that power and knew I was on the right path. I really resonate with the comments by Borg when he wrote of Jesus that "His own self-understanding did not include thinking and speaking of himself as the son of God whose historical intention or purpose was to die for the sins of the world, and his message was not about believing in him. Rather, he was a spirit person, subversive sage, social prophet, and movement founder who invited his followers and hearers into a transforming relationship with the same Spirit he himself knew, and into a community whose social vision was shaped by the core value of compassion.".

Gratitude

No particular activity or attitude stood out today other than a general feeling of gratitude for "what is". All during the day I kept realizing the choice I had between gratitude or anger and disappointment. For example, I awoke with a small amount of back pain, which could have bothered me but I was simply grateful that the pain vanished with exercise and stretching. I was also very grateful for several foods I was able to make myself like yogurt, granola and ketchup because I do not like the ingredients in commercial products. I did some final preparations for the trip I will make in a few days being aware of my physical limitations but also looking forward to the interactions involved in getting the help I need. It was a good day.

Change?

Today I met with a group of Friends (Quakers) to discuss some of the writing of Emile Fuchs from the time shortly after Hitler’s reign. He was a mystic and a strong advocate of the loving and compassionate approach to life recommended by Jesus. The writing was selected because of its applicability to the world today. He wrote "For now, when outward improvement comes, guilt and suffering are zealously forgotten. It seems as if poor and empty people will again win leadership and as if the nations will again run the way of momentary power and success. It is utter darkness if out of the catastrophe not only individuals but whole nations go on as poor and empty of spirit as before." His comments are a very apt description of what is going on in the world right now. The question I am left with is how to break the cycle.