A Gift

I identify very strongly with George Fox and other spiritual leaders who had strong, mystical connections with what I call God. "The Lord explained that it was needful that he [George Fox]’should have a sense of all conditions’. How else should he learn ‘to speak to all conditions?’ Then followed the critical experience: ‘I saw the infinite love of God. I saw that there was an ocean of darkness and death, but an infinite ocean of light and love which flowed over the ocean of darkness. In that also I saw the infinite love of God; and I had great openings." (John Yungblut). I too am very aware of my humanity, my very human frailties, my "all conditions". I simply do not act on those conditions, I just feel them and apologize when they manage to creep into my behavior. I am also aware and have felt and experienced the "infinite ocean of light" he speaks of and I act accordingly. It feels like an overwhelming gift that I can carry the sense of that ocean during my daily activities.

Changing Perspective

Many years ago I set as my life goal to "change the world", which I selected knowing it was grandiose and that it would occupy me for the rest of my life. Moving back east was part of that goal. In the process of pursuing that goal I find that I have a tendency to experience "anxiety over the state of the world, destructive human tendencies and my own physical condition", as I commented a few days ago. This is a fine example of my becoming overly involved in worldly things and feeling like I am "in charge". I’m not. And I really like the words of Gilbert Kilpack: "Seek not for faith to move mountains. Seek God first. Perhaps the mountains do not need moving, perhaps He will lift you up above the mountains which may be better than moving them.  Seek not pleasure neither of body nor of soul. This too is a gift, eluding those who seek it seek God, for He alone is able to give joy, which is infinitely finer than pleasure.  Seek not power, not even power to do great deeds. Seek God and Him alone, and power will flow from you in ways and times which are hidden from you."

Change In Perspective

Through meditation over the last day I realize that the "outdated notions for viewing the things that are troubling me" which I mentioned yesterday is a return to the use of self will and my own thinking to deal with life, an oppressive way of approaching challenges. The mode of thinking I am returning to is asking for guidance and support together with a faith that everything will unfold as it is supposed to, a much lighter and very practical approach. Irene Claremont deCastillejo outlines this approach well: "If we can resist the compulsive pressure of our logical thinking, without relinquishing our precious heritage of lucid thought; if we can hold our ground with our own hardly won ego personalities, yet bow our heads and say, 'Thy will not mine be done'; if we will but notice the reactions of our bodies; and heed the behaviour of the world towards us; if we can learn to listen to the voices within and to the whisper in the wind, with trust as well as with discrimination, we may be able to follow the road where the Rainmaker walks."

Perspective

For the last few days I have been experiencing anxiety over the state of the world, destructive human tendencies and my own physical condition. I have been worried about my ability to cope with these things. The other night I had a dream in which I was in a mechanic shop having no luck at locating some out-moded spark plugs for my very old vehicle. That dream continues to haunt me and apparently tells me that I am using outdated notions for viewing the things that are troubling me. I have a very well developed (and possibly outdated!) tendency to view the state of the world, destructive human tendencies and my own physical condition as problems that need fixing, rather than human creations that are also part of Divine order, meaning that they do not need fixing, they are simply a part of reality right now. As Elaine Pagels wrote: "Heracleon [disciple of Valentinus who opposed the rigid judgmentalness of Irenaeus] explains that most Christians tend to take literally the imagery they find in the Scriptures: they see God as the creator who made this present world, the lawgiver who gave tablets to Moses on Sinai, the divine father who begot Jesus. But those who experience God’s presence come to see these traditional images for what they are—human creations." Time to meditate and figure out how to be with conditions as they are and determine the next right action for me.

Loving Response

Jesus said, "I am the light which is before all things. It is I who am all things. From me all things came forth, and to me all things extend. Split a piece of wood, and I am there; lift up the stone, and you will find me." (gospel of Thomas). Admittedly it is hard to see, but "all things" includes people indulging in self-destructive or harmful behavior. When I view these behaviors through the eyes of Love, I feel no condemnation, judgement or anger. However, Jesus might say something like "sin no more", as he apparently did in response to the adulteress and I might say something like "walk in the light". This sort of Loving approach to the myriad problems in the world today may be the only solution that will dispel the fear, hurt and anger I spoke of yesterday.

Love

It is totally understandable but there is a great deal of fear, hurt and anger evident in the actions and decisions of the people in this and other countries. In our case we still haven’t fully recovered from the "great recession", so resources are tight and many people are under-paid or under-employed. In the words of Benjamin Friedman: "When material progress falters........people become more jealous of their status relative to others. Anti-immigrant sentiment typically increases, as does conflict between races and classes; concern for the poor tends to decline." Unfortunately, these tendencies result in political decisions and actions that harm the earth and many of the humans living on it. It seems clear that reason, science or material gains are not sufficient to reverse these trends, resulting in better choices. The only thing I am familiar with that might work is love and a spiritual awakening of sorts. This has also been suggested by many spiritual leaders. "In the Dhammapada he [the Buddha] teaches that in this world hate never dispels hate. Only love dispels hate."

Discernment

Many years ago, during a sweat lodge ceremony, I prayed for discernment, the "ability to be attuned to authentic movements of the Spirit". I was seeking to be able to determine my "next right move" and to disentangle that action from earthly attachments or desires for "money, power & prestige". I was granted that gift if I quiet my mind, connect with the Absolute and listen, carefully. I have come to agree with Patricia Loring when she wrote "To undertake to live a discerned life, to endeavor daily to be attuned to authentic movements of the Spirit leading us into greater fullness of life, is a strenuous undertaking." She also wrote that "It requires even more discernment to discover whether the ministry called for from a particular individual in a particular instance requires prophetic speech, humble and hidden activities, bold and dramatic action, professional service or some, novel and previously unimagined course." Recently, I have been spending a large amount of time and energy in working with spirits, largely "humble and hidden activities", which most people know nothing about and some would say was only in my imagination. I am now planning to begin, once again, to attempt to get a literary agent and promote my writing, which will require "bold and dramatic action", as well as some "professional service". It feels right and we shall see where the path leads.

Listening

I am not so concerned about the specifics of the political choices and decisions being made, but I would like to see decisions based on Love and compassion rather than hurt, fear and anger. I do not yet know how to accomplish it but I would like to see decisions based on something like the three questions which are the central focus of my book: Would I do this in front of God, or whatever you call that power/force?; Is my name really on it or is it really my responsibility?; Will this increase the integrity of the universe, or is this loving? In order for me to determine how to accomplish this I connect with that Loving force, the Absolute, through meditation and listen. I need not ask, for if the answer is meant to come - it will. "Seek not for faith to move mountains. Seek God first. Perhaps the mountains do not need moving, perhaps He will lift you up above the mountains which may be better than moving them ....... Seek not power, not even power to do great deeds. Seek God and Him alone, and power will flow from you in ways and times which are hidden from you."

Prayer and Meditation

I have been working with spirits and also people who are in the process of dealing with terminal illnesses. I am clear that I do not know what the outcome will be in any of these cases, that the outcome is not up to me. I often have the feelings of being lost and over my head, though I suspect I am doing well. I keep asking for guidance and doing the next right thing. I use a lot of prayer, meditation and proceed slowly. "The life of prayer is perhaps the most mysterious dimension of all human experience. We come to be at home with a God we cannot see. We discover that it is only by giving ourselves away totally that we truly come to possess ourselves, that we are most free when most surrendered. We begin to realize that light is darkness and darkness light. We become lost in a trackless desert — and then, if we persevere despite our disorientation, we begin to realize that it is only being lost, in losing ourselves, that we are found. The whole of our life and not just our prayer life, becomes a paradox, an apparent contradiction concealing and revealing a deeper truth, because we begin to realize that we must live as we pray" (Thomas H. Green, S.J.)

I Am, explained

Yesterday I wrote of the "I am" portion of myself, the part that is connected to and part of God. That part of me has an acute awareness of worldly things and happenings but very little attachment to what goes on. When I succeed in living through that part, I have increased capabilities, joy and my life is very fulfilling. I am still exploring and expanding that. It is important to note that, as I explain in my book, everyone has that part in them. It is an expansion and development of "that small quiet voice" and if a person listens to and acts on it and it will become stronger. As the spiritual leader Sri Nisargadatta Maharaj said "Get to know that "I am" without words which arises in the morning. Knowing the Self, abiding in the Self-knowledge, is not a mere intellectual knowing. You must be that, and you should not move away from it. Remain firm." He also commented on our connection to the Absolute or God by saying: "There is only one state, not two. When the "I amness" is there, in that consciousness you will have many experiences, but the "I am" and the Absolute are not two. In the Absolute the "I amness" comes and then the experience takes place. In the Absolute there is no individuality, no memory that I am this or that, but there is continual stirring."