Rainmaker Ideal

Today, I sent out another query e-mail to a literary agency in my continuing effort to gain a literary agent for my writing and I find that I am scared because, for some reason, I think this effort will succeed. I am scared that I am not up to the task it represents in terms of my own behavior. I have followed what I call the "Rainmaker Ideal" for years and found its impact on me and everyone I contact to be amazing. Irene Claremont deCastillejo originated the ideal and describes it well; "In those rare moments when all the opposites meet within a man, good and also evil, light and also darkness, spirit and also body, brain and also heart, masculine focused consciousness and at the same time feminine diffuse awareness, wisdom of maturity and childlike wonder; when all are allowed and none displaces any other in the mind of a man, then that man, though he may utter no word is in an attitude of prayer. Whether he knows it or not his own receptive allowing will affect all those around him; rain will fall on the parched fields, and tears will turn bitter grief to flowering sorrow, while stricken children dry their eyes and laugh."  My book and writing reflect the rainmaker ideal as does my life in general and I don’t want to lose that. She expresses my concern nicely when she goes on to write "If we can resist the compulsive pressure of our logical thinking, without relinquishing our precious heritage of lucid thought; if we can hold our ground with our own hardly won ego personalities, yet bow our heads and say, 'Thy will not mine be done'; if we will but notice the reactions of our bodies; and heed the behaviour of the world towards us; if we can learn to listen to the voices within and to the whisper in the wind, with trust as well as with discrimination, we may be able to follow the road where the Rainmaker walks."

Simplicity

This morning, rather than attending the Sandy Spring Quaker meeting we usually go to, we went to the Patapsco meeting which is half the size and they meet at a Presbyterian house adjacent to the church, rather than their own building. There was quite a difference in the way the meetings felt, though they are basically the same. The Patapsco meeting felt pure, clean and the worship was deep. The Sandy Spring meeting is a bit chaotic and the worship is struggling. The Sandy Spring meeting is larger, has its own building and numerous other possessions and distractions. I am reminded of what St. Augustine and numerous other spiritual leaders say "we cannot serve two masters. But a man does try to serve two masters if he seeks both the kingdom of God for the great good it is and those other temporal things." This is a warning I need to keep in mind. We lead a very simple life - and need to keep it that way.

Guidance

I spend several hours a day in meditation, listening for guidance, and I have been asked several tines how I can trust that guidance came from a good source and not a negative one. I rely, primarily, on my own ability to discern and often checking with others about what I "hear". I also listen for the fruits of the Spirit which have been translated as ‘love, joy, peace, kindness, goodness, trustfulness, gentleness and self-control’" (Galatians 5:23 NJB). I listen for and expect the messages to be other directed and selfless. I like the words of Patricia Loring; "Our awareness develops in the context of prayer, our communication with God—not only as we address God but as we learn to listen for God."

Feelings

In the distant past I felt anger, hurt and judgment all of the time without understanding the feelings much at all. Then came recovery and those feelings gradually gave way to putting the anger, hurt and judgment in my past and becoming aware that they came from growing up years. Those feelings were then replaced with love and gratitude for everything and everyone, as I talk about in my book. For the last two years the feelings of love and gratitude have been there and dominant but also complicated by flashes of anger, hurt and judgment. For example, I might feel anger and judgment if someone is rude or socially inappropriate, quickly replaced by feelings of love for that person. Another example is that I can feel momentarily hurt when someone brushes me aside or ignores me then feel the love. I keep thinking of George Fox feeling very human weaknesses and then the Lord explaining that it was needful that he "should have a sense of all conditions’. How else should he learn ‘to speak to all conditions?" I sense that it is now time to move on and stop feeling even a flash of anger, hurt and judgment - just love, understanding and compassion. What comes next, I do not know.

Spirits

I was first introduced to spirits back in 1994 and since that time I have had numerous additional encounters. Up until then I was a "normal white boy", meaning, if pressed, I admitted the possibility of spirits but preferred what I could see-touch-feel. Initially they helped me and gave my life more depth and meaning. Since that time I have had several opportunities to help them, especially recently. I now find that I need their help again in order to advance spiritually.  "Great deeds can only be achieved when we are more than our little selves. When we are lent wings we should not reject them."(Irene Claremont deCastillejo)

Growth

Rufus Jones wrote "It [evolution to higher levels] is not now the result of an escalator coming up from below. It depends on us, and persons like us, whether we go on to further goals or not. The possibilities are in us, there is no compulsion. We can sag down to the level of animal life, or we can climb an inward Jacob’s Ladder and become rightly fashioned by spirits, kindled by a flame from above..... We have the possibility of becoming superbiological." I know what he wrote is possible since I have begun it, though I do not know how far I can take it. It’s exciting. As Joan Baez once sang "I am less than the song I am singing and I’m more than I thought I could be".

God Seed

In my book I talk about the "God seed" and its presence in everyone "no matter how despicable that person appears on the surface". Similarly, George Fox often spoke of "that of God" in each of us. Rufus Jones comment that "Man is from the start a finite-infinite being, and not a mere finite one. Partaking, as he does, of Reason he cannot stop his quest and pursuit of truth at any finite point, for finite truth is a contradiction of terms. If a thing is true at all it is infinitely true" My point is that no matter what name a person puts on it there is a part of each of us that is infinitely real and good, if we choose to acknowledge and work with it.

Inner Silence

Today was one of those days that I was not able to achieve inner silence and the resultant clarity in meditation, my clamoring intellect kept getting in the way. I would sit down to meditate and begin to focus on my breath or the feeling of Love, only to have my brain take off into any of several meaningless topics, like a hamster on an exercise wheel. I had been happily retooling my book and making some preliminary plans to query a specific agency, when I discovered that agency only wanted previously solicited queries, so my plans were thwarted and I needed to regroup. Exactly how to regroup, what direction to take, is what I wanted to meditate about. Perhaps I can achieve inner silence and meditate now. "It [inner silence] is to establish an inner peace, an inner harmony, which will allow us authentically to contribute to the establishment of an outer peace and an outer harmony in the world at large."(Seeger)

Love

I truly believe and have experienced what the Buddha teaches in the Dhammapada, that in this world hate never dispels hate. Only love dispels hate. The belief seems obvious to me, and yet we continue to fight wars, show aggression and make threats which generally do not produce favorable results. Yes, we have some aggressive tendencies, but we also each have the Love/God seed, which I describe in my book. I also suggest ways to nourish and grow that seed. Perhaps then we can stop the hate.

Connection

The quotation which stands out to me tonight is from Gilbert Kilpack, that "Man is separated from God, but secretly united to God; that is the prime fact of life, and all things in all creation speak of this separation, this incompleteness which has infected all." And, as I describe in my book, it is my understanding that we humans each have a God or Love "seed" within us, the part that is "secretly united to God", what is often called that small quiet voice. He goes on to comment that "And though ideas such as these may seem unimportant in our bustling world, the testimony of seekers after life in all ages is that nothing is so important as the completion of our half-lives, the God-filling of our void." I have been very much a part of the bustle of this world, and also felt the void. Now, with effort and focus I have developed my connection to God/Love and have a fulfilling life.