Growth

Two days ago I wrote of my internal struggle to overcome my own fears which are hangovers from past lives. I want to overcome those fears in order that I might become "all I can be". I just do not know what that is! I need to remember that if I stay loving and humble, with God’s help I can become "more powerful than I can imagine" (Williamson). The help is readily available, the rest is up to me to ask, listen and act. "If you can rise above the fear in your life and live the love within you, and if I can rise above my fear and live the love in me-----if that drama is reenacted enough times by enough of the world’s people-----then we will pierce the cosmic darkness and tip the world in the direction of light." (Williamson)

Holistic Healing

Yesterday afternoon, evening and into the first part of the night I had a very bad headache and was feeling agitated since my salt/water balance was off. That was why I wrote nothing last night. Today I meditated for several hours and asked if there was anything emotional or spiritual causing the problems I had. I immediately started reflecting on past lives which I dismissed as meaningless, idle fantasy at first. I then realized that my difficulties were, in part, a PTSD episode based on my experiences in past lives. During the last several days I had been doing several things like healing a suspicious, spontaneous sore on my arm, communicating with spirits and listening "beyond the words" with people. All activities which had resulted in my death and/or persecution during those past lives. My past experiences resulted in a present belief that "I would be punished". In the future I will reassure myself that I am safe.

Connection

Today I had a very strong, enjoyable and exhausting connection with someone new to my arena and I did indeed feel "more than my little self".   During the connection I felt the Presence of something else in addition to the other person, who I was present with. I did not notice any exhaustion until later. My role was to listen and be present. "Great deeds can only be achieved when we are more than our little selves. When we are lent wings we should not reject them." (Irene Claremont deCastillejo)

God's Love

It is impossible for me to convey in words how much it means to me to have God’s Absolute and Unconditional acceptance, to feel and live within that degree of Love and know that I am perfect within my imperfection. For me, when I meditate and feel that feeling my disability, chronic pain and worldly stressors just fall away — they do not exist there. I am motivated to perform at my best, often beyond what I thought possible. "Great deeds can only be achieved when we are more than our little selves. When we are lent wings we should not reject them." (Irene Claremont deCastillejo)

Perfection

Tonight and in past days I have been meditating and contemplating on the idea of perfection which, I have come to understand, is very different from a human versus God’s perspective. The human view is that in order to be perfect on must always perform without falling short of some pre-determined ideal, a view that is often harmful and stress producing. God’s view, which is communicated by feelings to which I ascribe words, is that perfection is closer to harmony and that we are all perfect all of the time, a view that is supportive and encourages being. God’s view is Absolute and Unconditional so that a person could be ten or ninety percent in harmony with All-That-Is and still be perfect. I know the feeling and I need not understand how that works. That concept is never harmful and motivates me to perform at my maximum.

Vibrancy of Spring

Yesterday we (mostly Maria, I watched and made comments) put up a bluebird house and today it was being checked out by a male bluebird. If he approves he will show it to a female and she will have final say. The plants in the gardens are getting ready to bloom. Buds on bushes and trees are swelling and getting ready to burst forth. According to the plants and animals spring is here and it feels wonderful. According to the Thomas gospel, Jesus says that this primordial light not only brought the entire universe into being but still shines through everything we see and touch.

My Role

I model my life according to what I know of Christ, yet some people would not consider me Christian and I attend Quaker meetings yet I am not a Quaker. I consider such exclusivity to be a silly part of humanity — not of God — OK for many, but not me. God’s Love is Absolute and Unconditional without any such artificial requirements or conditions. I Love and honor God and God does the same for me and others. I do enjoy the silent worship of Quaker meetings and I identify with much of the mystical tradition of the Friends. I am Charlie and I spread Love as much as I can.

Empathy

In contrast to yesterday, today was a good day. I went to a recovery meeting, watched a movie, talked to a person I work with, exercised, meditated and napped, a good balance of activities. As an energetic empath I have to be careful about taking on and being affected by the negative energy of others, staying clear about what is mine and theirs. If I start feeling bad for no reason, it helps me let the feeling go when I say to myself "this is not mine". Having done that yesterday, today I felt clear and positive.

Rough Day

Today was a rough day for me. I woke up as a "creaky old man" (aches and pains with difficulty moving around) which improved for a while and then worsened until I was completely debilitated this afternoon and finally began to improve this evening. Physically I needed to take on salt and water in order to restore my salt/water/fluid balance. I also meditated to find out if there was anything emotional or spiritual going on and I realized that I had been empathically taking on some negative energy from the spirits and living humans I contact. I needed to focus on encapsulating that energy in love and then releasing it "like a fart", very cleansing. Now I think it’s time for bed.

Connection

Tonight during my meditation and feeling the strength, power and Love of that connection I was acknowledging both how good and vital the contact was and also how fragile it was. Part of my humanity is that I often wish for more "money, power or prestige", yet I am also aware that if I had more worldly success I would tend to get lost in it and loose or reduce my connection. For example, to date my book has sold around a hundred copies and I fantasize about it being more successful, while realizing that even thinking about more success challenges me. So, my connection is strong but it is also fragile.