Recovery

Today I celebrated the anniversary of my recovery or abstinence from alcohol and illegal drugs.  I have been clean and sober for 35 years — incredible!, especially since I had no intention of staying sober for the rest of my life.  My main emphasis has always been maximizing my connection with the God of my understanding.  I have practiced prayer and meditation within Buddhism, Taoism, Hinduism, Navajo, Christianity and New Age and I keep encountering the same God using different language.  There seems to be no reason to fight or quarrel, sigh.

Courage to Change

Many years ago, I was discussing some aspect of my disability with my current PCP and she said “most people cannot do that!’ and my response was “well I can and will”.  We were talking about some aspect of my meditative and healing ability and I was stating clearly that I had both the ability and courage to change.  Today I feel the urge to say, once again, “I can and I will” regarding my current healing.  I am finding that the process does require a lot of courage since I keep encountering fear.  I have gotten comfortable with the way things are and now I am stirring them up.

Holistic Healing

I am working on self-healing of my disability and it is a complex issue with a mixture of layers of self-interest, karma and God’s will (some sort of universal plan or effects).  I have been dealing with each of them every night when I get up in the middle of the night.  I want to point out that I have healed many things in the past and found them to be relatively simple and straightforward but not this time.  For the last several nights I have been negotiating about God’s will and my impact on other people and spirits.  It is apparent that my physical condition or healing has an impact on others (and myself!) that will change with healing and I need to consider that.  Of course, I could also be imagining this whole thing — but I think not.

Health

Today, right now, I am experiencing lower back and hip muscle spasms which seem to be part of my disability but like any other physical problem the spasms are also impacted by my physical and emotional condition.  In this case I am going through a period of high anxiety because of change in my life so prayer, meditation and simply being kind to myself can help, so things like affirmations and relaxation.  I also need to keep in touch with my body, meaning sleep, eating carefully and, in this case, enough salt.  I am better at taking care of my internal spiritual matters but this is a good reminder that I need to stay in touch with the whole picture.

Meditation

When I get up in the middle of the night to pray and meditate I am primarily listening for guidance concerning timely events and their position in eternity.  Many life events, like finances, have little impact on eternity and others, like loving relationships, have greater meaning.  All take on a feeling of peace and all are wrapped in Love. “Faith, then, means putting trust in a process that slowly builds an intimate relationship with someone I can neither see nor fully understand, but only feel.  Living a life of faith implies being in continual contact with God and opening up to being searched and known.” (Elizabeth Ostrander Sutton)

Gratitude

I was struck with gratitude yesterday that I no longer lie to, attempt to control or manipulate other people.  I was reminded of this when I went to pick up my car after having some routine service.  There was a dispute going on between another customer and the mechanic.  That customer was exhibiting very loud self-righteous anger and using the same exact techniques I used to use in order to force his will on the mechanic.  There, but for the grace of God, go I.  I hope he is not feeling as hurt and angry as I did and I hope he finds a solution.

Meditation

When I get up in the middle of the night. After drinking some harmonizing tea, I go into deep meditation and a strong connection with God and when there I work with spirits and self-healing.  As Elaine Pagels comments below, I encounter “something compelling, powerful, even terrifying” and I am, indeed, in the process of transformation.  I find the meditation exhilarating. Exciting and disturbing.  “Yet I sometimes encountered, in churches and elsewhere—in the presence of a venerable Buddhist monk, in the cantor’s singing at a bar mitzvah, and on mountain hikes—something compelling, powerful, even terrifying that I could not ignore, and I had come to see that, besides belief, Christianity involves practice—and paths toward transformation.”

Love

As Rufus Jones said and wrote “The democracy I want will treat every human person as a unique, sacred, and indispensable member of a spiritual whole, a whole which remains imperfect if even one of its “little ones” is missing; and its fundamental axiom will be the liberation and realization of the inner life which is potential in every member of the human race.”  I can and will do everything I can to help that become a reality but the political situation right now makes it quite clear that we are not there.  Love, compassion and understanding bring us closer to that goal.

Gratitude

Just a good solid day, nothing notable or spectacular.  I began the day shortly after midnight with prayer and meditation, slept a while, shopped for the week, exercised and meditated some more.  I now just feel grateful I can have such a day and I know many people who cannot.  I look around me and see many people who move and do other things much more easily than I do and they take it for granted.  I used to --- but not any more.  I am grateful for the life I have.

Harmony

According to the Thomas gospel, Jesus says that the primordial light or power not only brought the entire universe into being but still shines through everything we see and touch.  I, often, get in touch, harmonize and feel that power when I meditate on whatever object I choose.  I find harmonizing easiest with the ocean or a storm but also with things like feathers from birds, rocks or trees.  I feel that power and use it for healing.  “Jesus said, ‘I am the light which is before all things.  It is I who am all things.  From me all things came forth, and to me all things extend.  Split a piece of wood, and I am there; lift up the stone, and you will find me.’” from the gospel of Thomas