Love

  Hurt people hurt other people.  There are a lot of hurt, angry people doing destructive things to themselves and others — and I used to be one of them.  Now I do no intentional harm to myself or anyone else.  The difference was love and understanding which was given to me and I now pass it along whenever I have a chance.  I surround myself with what I was given knowing that I could be a part of that love by giving it away, freely.  In my past people have tried to modify my behavior with rules and regulations.  I have also been punished.  Those actions though well intentioned and necessary at times, did not address the hurt.  Love did.

Grief

  Today I am sad and grieving the loss of my mother-in-law so I do not feel particularly enlightened or enlightening!  I have been waiting for whatever feelings to hit me so I was not surprised with the sadness and anger.  Writing about them and talking of the feelings in a recovery meeting help.  I also feel tired so I think I will rest and not do anything for now.  I am totally convinced that she is now in a pleasant place but I will miss her living presence.

Sigh

  I have had several doctors and other medical professionals ask me about my approach to health and healing since I have accomplished what they consider impossible (mainly “spontaneous” healing of things that either were not possible or should have required surgery).  After my explanation they dismiss me by saying something like “I don’t know what you are doing” or deciding I was miss-diagnosed.  They have never asked me to talk to their other patients ---- very discouraging but totally understandable. I have generally spoken of the transforming power of love, meditation and imaging.  To them I am an exception or an outlier, far removed from what they know as true.  I do not fit but I continue!

Holistic Health

  The topic in today’s Quaker reading group was service to others and there was primarily talk of mental health and medical services.  Providing needed aide to poor or under served communities was also mentioned.  The book we read spoke of ‘the power of science, lovingly administered” and how science could save lives.  When it was my turn I spoke passionately of how “the power of love, scientifically (objectively) administered” had saved my life numerous times.  The fact is that I had been diagnosed with a degenerative neurological problem in 1988 and the medical community made it clear that they could not help me so, with guidance, I turned to a spiritual, loving solution.  That solution has served me well ever since and I now pass it on as was done with me.

Acceptance

  I find a lot of peace in simply accepting or even enjoying “what is” any given time.. Sounds simple and it is for things that are enjoyable and many short term unpleasant events.  I have found accepting long term unpleasant aspects like my disability to be more complex.  On a good day I can just accept my limited abilities and focus on the many benefits I have received due to my condition. There are always gifts.  On a less good day I can at least be grateful my condition is not worse.  I also need to accept those days when I am angry, fed up or impatient with my condition.  I need to accept those times when I am terrified about getting worse.  If I do not accept my “negative” feelings they build up pressure inside me.  Today is a good day and I am grateful.

Martha and Mary

When Jesus visited sisters, Martha and Mary, Martha bustled around taking care of business while Mary sat at his feet basking in the feeling of his presence.  I tend to be a Mary, though I also see that the needed things get done. My approach is made easier by my disability.  The fact is I cannot do much and tire quickly.  My choice to meditate a great deal is aided by necessity.  Quiet time is easy for me while activity is not.  I also enjoy connecting with that loving force I call God, several times a day.

Fulfillment

  I exist in a culture which emphasizes material success and professional accomplishments and I certainly admit that I am financially and materially quite well off, gifted in fact.  My wife and I are also what may people consider poor and we generally qualify for financial assistance, though we do not usually take advantage of it, since we have no need.  I emphasize things like love, relationships, connections, listening, self-care and understanding.  I find my fulfillment within and feel quite rich and totally fulfilled.  “An Indian says you search in vain for what you cannot find,. He says you’ve found a thousand ways of running down your time.”  (Jeremiah Johnson, the movie)

Part of My Practice

  I have several people that I mentor primarily on spiritual issues or life events that impact spiritual connections. I talk to most of them weekly on the phone and some are local.   I was surprised because some were young when we began (now closer to middle age!) and they still sought my guidance.  I listen a lot to them and also my own guides.  I ask for guidance, listen and pass it on.  It feels wonderful and helps keep me humble.  I know the source of wisdom is not me — I get out of the way and say what I am told. No small task!

Self Care

  Today I am sick of being disabled and would very much like to be more physically able —It is one of those days and I wish to pay attention and move on.  My normal approach to the difficulty of being me is to accept the unpleasant parts and focus on my gifts.  The gifts of being slow and disabled include greater patience, deeper empathy, expanded understanding and more peaceful solitude.  I am more able to see and feel those gifts if I, sometimes, allow myself to feel the negative realities also.  I am also aware that I could be and have been a lot worse.  Time for lunch!

Holistic Healing

  Whenever I am experiencing physical pain, in addition to addressing the physical issues, I look for any emotional component since dealing with that aspect facilitates healing.  Today I had an injured forefinger which got infected and became extremely painful.  I meditated on the pain and was surprised to encounter a thought/feeling/part of me which felt that I deserved the pain — a hangover from my upbringing.  I have been growing and aspire to be “all I can be”.  There is apparently a part of me that thinks such aspirations in a lowly human such as myself should be punished.  Sigh!  Loving myself and asking for guidance took care of that.