Bubble of Love

Generally, I walk around each day within, what I describe as a “bubble of love”, which changes the way I interact with people, places and things.  In the past, and sometimes in the present, I walked around in what I would describe as a “bubble of fear”, as if everything and everybody was a potential threat and that I needed to be on guard and protect myself.  I was not paranoid about my environment, just aware and a bit on guard, the way most people seem to be, and I was raised to be.  At any rate, my attitude today tends to be something like: everything and everyone is under the care and guidance of the benevolent force I call God, that I am part of that force and my assumption is that I will be taken care of, that I need not understand and that “the universe is unfolding as it should”.
Every once in a while, I fall back into fear, like the other day when I was experiencing some computer difficulties or someone questioned my approach to life.  When that happens I really do not like the way it feels and I explore the feeling and its cause during meditation.  Then I decide what course of action I need to take in order to get back to a loving space, which now feels more normal.

Eternal View

I also tend to take a more eternal view than most people, recalling that “nothing matters very much and very few things matter at all”.  I generally use the question of whether I would care about something if I was on my deathbed to determine whether or not it is important or not.  Using that criterion, together with meditation and contemplation, I find that the vast majority of things that occupy my mind make no difference, in an eternal sense.  Things that do seem to make a difference, in an eternal sense, include love, connection and relationships.  It is growth and development in these areas that trumps more earthly concerns.
I should make it clear that, on the one hand, I know the eternal view to be true, and on the other hand, I still get caught up in the frustrations of daily living.  For example, I can get very frustrated over the limitations imposed by my disability (earthly view),  rather than realize the tremendous growth in love, connection and relationships my disability has resulted in (eternal view).  This dichotomy/conflict is both wonderful (eternal) and disturbing (earthly) at the same time!

Connection to God

Another difference between my experience or knowledge and that of others is knowing that we each have a soul or essence connection with God and the God place that is a lot wiser than a walking around human.  When I say an essence or soul connection, what I mean is that each of us have a seed within us that is connected in some way to the essence or soul, which is, in  turn, connected to the absolute or God place.  That connection is usually largely unconscious, but we can access it, as have myself and many others, and make it conscious through activities like prayer, contemplation, meditation or simply walking in the woods.  Having made that connection has certainly changed my attitude and behaviors.

Nurturing the Small Quiet Voice

One of the ways that my beliefs and experiences differ from many people is the idea of being born in sin or that we humans are inherently bad or aggressive or have something to overcome, in order to be decent people.  That is not my personal experience nor have I found that to be true in any of the numerous people that I have worked with.  What I have experienced and found is that we each have two parts or facets: one is based on fear/hurt/anger and tends toward aggression, while the other is based on love/understanding/ compassion and tends toward gentleness and peace.  We each face a minute by minute choice of which path or choice to follow, the easiest is usually fear, the one that feels strongest and right is usually love.
While working with someone and within myself, I tend to nurture and support the love/ understanding/compassion side. Generally, that part starts out as “that small, quiet voice” within.  My experience is that it is always there and gets stronger as we listen to it and act on it.  My experience is that we humans actually want to act according to that voice, it feels better to do so.  Many aspects of our culture support the fear/hurt/anger part, so I avoid those aspects.

A Simple Spiritual Path

I had a dream last night that accurately reflected a spiritual dilemma that I am going through right now.  In the dream, I was dropped off in front of a large, very modern looking, building with pillars and lots of glass in front.  The person who dropped me off was my mother (middle aged, not as old as when she died) and she was driving my old Opal Cadet.  I entered the building with its pillars, marble floors and people milling around.  As I went about my business the building got much larger and I got further from the front door, where I was to be picked up, at some, unspecified, time.  I was walking (no longer disabled) around the building, partially looking for where I was to be picked up, and ended up on a dirt road entering a wilderness area that looked a bit like hilly tundra and was totally devoid of people.  I was totally lost, there was no one to give me directions and I was confused but not particularly disturbed by the situation.
My dilemma is that in real life I have gone through various life events and ended up following a simple spiritual path which is very different from the conventional path.  At the present time, I am a bit confused but not particularly disturbed by the situation, in fact I am fine with it, it just is.  I have encountered a very simple, loving God who does not judge, is not critical, does not require obedience and embraces the human condition.

Asking For Help

Today I was talking to a young, recovering addict about a, seemingly, insoluble problem he was having and I asked him if he had asked for help, he responded “no”.  I suggested that he try simply asking for help, with a sincere intent and see what happens.  As I told him, it worked for me, years ago and that he need not have faith or believe in anything.  When I did that, several years ago, the universe responded by coming to my aide.  At that time, I could not pray since that meant nothing to me.  Asking for help was possible.  Understanding is not required, but it worked.

Progress Not Perfection

The topic at one of my recovery meetings this week was “progress not perfection” and I have been thinking about it since then.  I am aware that I am much more than I thought I could be and a good deal less than I could be.  I really began my growth in 1988 with the beginning of my disability.  At that time, the medical professionals I were relying on made it clear that I had a condition that they could do nothing about and that I would “never get better and continue to get worse”.  Switching from an angry, self destructive attitude to one of loving intent plus the use of healing visualizations, I did, in fact, begin to get physically better.  I have, since, applied the power of love and holistic healing to all aspects of my life, with amazing results.  At this point, I am aware that my biggest block to further growth is myself, my own beliefs and self-doubts.

Listening

I really enjoy having an intense and loving connection with the people I interact with, clients, friends and acquaintances.  I have worked for years on “listening” to the words, energy field and subtle behaviors of others, without judgment or projection, a process I refer to as deep listening.  I also feel and radiate love when interacting with others.  I find this type of listening requires focus and intent, but the results are quite astonishing!  My clients, friends and acquaintances can all sense and respond to it very positively.
There is one black, homeless individual, who does not smell very good, and who I frequently encounter at recovery meetings.  I use this form of deep listening and loving connection with him.  I sense that it puzzles and confuses him a bit and that he does not trust the connection yet.

Through the Eyes of a Child

It is truly wonderful for me to be able to look over a forest and to see and feel it vibrating with life.  I can do this most successfully early in the morning, just before the sun comes up. The scene just seems brighter and pulsing with life, anticipating the beginning of the day.  I suspect that I could see things in this way when I was a small child, before I was socialized and taught how to view the world.  I can also feel the energy field of the people that I connect with, but not see it.  As in these cases and in many other ways I strive to see the world with the eyes of a child, innocent and open.

Doing the Right Thing

It’s a bit hard to describe, but I have been to the “other side” when near death and I have returned to, what I think of, as the outskirts of that place regularly during meditation.  It is a place with God, where I can feel the presence of that force/power.  It is important to me that I find no judgment or criticism there, only an overwhelming sense of love, guidance and support, a feeling that I will do anything to connect with, and cherish most dearly.  I certainly did not earn that connection and I am certainly do not consider myself to be worthwhile, but I also realize my feelings of unworthiness are of no importance at all, that I am totally worthy in that place.  I am left with a feeling that I want to follow that feeling/God anywhere and do whatever it wants.
The question came up today, as it has several times before that without judgment or the threat of hell, why do the “right” thing.  My answer is the previous paragraph.  I have had various people try to coerce me into doing what they wanted me to do, using things like fear, guilt and shame.  Sometimes their efforts worked for a short time, and often not at all.  However, love works, and I even enjoy it.  It simply feels good to do the “right” thing.