Gratitude

My main activity today was preparing a six gallon batch of chili and then freezing it in quart containers. I cook it myself in order to use no preservatives, no added sugar, minimal salt and some local and organic ingredients. Food preparation is important to me and I feel a lot of gratitude for the ingredients and all of the work of various people in getting the food to my kitchen. I also met with one person and had a quiet, reflective day otherwise.

Letting Go

I am finding that I am developing some clarity about my next step as far as my main occupation, which has been a mental health therapist and is becoming an author. I am also finding, not surprisingly, that I wish to hold on to my past. There are signs in my life that it may be time to let go and move on, even if I do not feel ready yet. My history is that I tend to hold on too long. We shall see!

Guidance

I am in the early stages of setting up a panel discussion of my book, Three Simple Questions: Being in the World, But Not of It. I am not comfortable with activities that promote myself or my book, so setting up such a discussion is out of my comfort zone, though it feels like the right thing to do. I am also in the midst of significant life changes. In other words, much of my life is up in the air right now. I am "lost in a trackless desert", as Green says of a life of prayer. My position is ideal since I have given up attachments and am ready to listen and act accordingly. My position is also a bit uncomfortable in that there is a total lack of known and familiar signposts. It’s time to pray, ask for guidance, meditate and have faith!

Acting Out Of Love

I would like to live in a world of peace, love and interconnectedness and will do everything I can to promote that. As a species we are not there yet but moving in that direction, slowly. The most effective actions I can take to promote that are to act out of love and refuse to act out of fear. For example, I have written my book and contribute to several causes because they contribute to that loving interconnectedness. I also get fear based mail or hear news reports that say basically that some sort of disaster will happen if I do not act immediately The messages are fear based and meant to increase the clamor in my head so I meditate to clear the clamor, do not open the mail and turn off the radio. If I am put in a position where action on one of these causes is required of me, then I act, otherwise most situations are not my business. My primary and most effective responsibility whether interacting with others or raking leaves, is to act and think out of love and interconnectedness.

Following A Spiritual Path

I realize that it is not a popular concept but, as I point out in my book, following a spiritual path is often unpleasant and difficult, though the results are well worth it. The difficulty stems from the fact that staying on the path requires a great deal of introspection and discipline. It is also necessary to give up attachments to things within the created order and much ego involvement. In many cases following the guidance of a teacher or guide is needed. I have had to do everything I just described and continue with everything except having a teacher, at this time. As a result I have a wonderful life, feel a strong love for everything and everybody and consider my extensive physical problems to be an inconvenience.

Love

According to what I have been told during meditation, my daily experience and my observation of daily living, the purpose of life is to grow in love. This idea has also been suggested by many spiritual leaders in the past. That growth has certainly taken place in my own life., moving from hurt and anger to love I would like that process to be a beautiful field of clover, always pleasant to behold and travel through, and much of it has been. However, some of the life process for me has not been pleasant though the results have been wonderful.

Gratitude

I have a very well developed awareness and a strong feeling of gratitude for the complete process of life. What I mean is that there is a great deal of the process of life which is not pleasant, but the final result is generally wonderful. I understand that part of life is working through problems and conflict, finally arriving at love, peace, forgiveness and faith. Ultimately that process is very fulfilling and rewarding to get through. I also feel grateful for the many pleasant things in life, things like relationships, friends and love.

Self-care

Today was a very simple day of minimal connection with others and a great deal of food preparation, cooking. One of the ways in which I do not participate in the general economy is that I prepare my own meals using organic and local ingredients with no preservatives and minimal added sugar or salt. Typically I prepare several meals at once and freeze them for quick, efficient and healthy future use. This sort of food preparation takes more time but I need to be careful with my health, I feel good about it and I enjoy it. Most of my days involve intense and complex connections and interactions. This was a nice break.

Love Matters

Recently I have been very aware of the comment made by Richard Pries early in my recovery process, that "Nothing matters very much and very few things matter at all". It is clear to me that relationships and love matter but that the vast majority of things we worry about really make little or no difference. Typically I ask myself "would I care about this if I were on my deathbed?" and the answer is usually "no". The reason I have been reflecting on this is that I have a friend who is about to die from cancer. I will miss her presence in my life and wish her well.

Being a Dreamer

Today at the Friend’s (Quaker) meeting one of the members of the meeting recommended my book to the other members, and at that moment I realized how proud I was that I had extended myself to write and publish the book. Later the same person commented that the book made her smile, which made me smile. I wrote the book as a major part of my efforts to "change the world" in favor of love, spirituality, compassion and forgiveness. I am a "dreamer" who also takes action. I keep encountering the same beliefs and attitudes in others, though those attitudes are frequently overcome by fear and competition. As Maria, my wife, pointed out, I am not done. I will continue in my attempts to "increase the integrity of the universe".