Perspective

It’s a bit strange for me to realize and describe, but today I have been very aware of two sides or parts of me. One, very human and vulnerable, part feels the loss, grief and fear associated with my coming move and career change very acutely. In fact when experiencing this part, I have physical signs of stress, headaches and trouble sleeping. On the other hand, the "God" or eternal, loving part of me is totally at peace, enjoys the outpouring of love on all sides and realizes this is a mere speck of time which, by itself, means next to nothing. At the same time I realize that, as a person, I am shifting toward the God part.

Guidance

Today was my last session with a client from the recovery outfit that has been giving me most of my clients for the last six years. It is now time for me to become less of a therapist and more of the person I spoke of yesterday along with becoming more of an author. I am ready for the change and wonder what it will look like. Part of that change will be moving to MD and buying a house there. I am also actively promoting my book, looking for a literary agent and preparing to present workshops on the meditative practices suggested in my book. Each of these changes will require guidance and support, I need to pay attention, listen and take action.

Communion

During my time in recovery I have encountered a very powerful, loving, creative, force/power that I now call God, though the name does not matter. What does matter is that I am totally devoted to that force/power and seek its guidance in all of my actions. I am reminded of the comments of Borg about the historical Jesus; "Finally, the image of Jesus as a spirit person has implications for how we think of the Christian life. It shifts the focus of the Christian life from believing in Jesus or believing in God to being in relationship to the same spirit that Jesus knew. It is the claim that I emphasized at the end of chapter 1 and that will emerge yet again in this book: that the Christian life moves beyond believing in God to being in relationship to God." I have no idea if I am Christian or not, I do know that it makes little or no difference and that having that relationship makes all the difference.

Leading By Serving

As I said earlier today, I lead by being a servant, by serving others. What I mean is expressed nicely by Walsch when he said "A true Master is not the one with the most students, but the one who creates the most Masters. A true leader is not the one with the most followers, but the one who creates the most leaders. A true king is not the one with the most subjects, but the one who leads the most to royalty. A true teacher is not the one with the most knowledge, but the one who causes the most others to have knowledge. And a true God is not One with the most servants, but One who serves the most, thereby making Gods of all others." I have taken that approach and had a considerable impact on the recovery community in Flagstaff. It now appears that it is time to broaden my approach to the general population near and possibly including the DC area

Meditation

In the process of my activities today I found myself drawn into the excitement, stress, chaos and anticipation like a moth to a flame or iron filings to a magnet. It felt like I had no choice and that the involvement was completely natural - but at the same time I did not like the feeling of being absorbed into the stress and chaos. Realizing that I did not like what was happening, I decided to put everything aside for the moment and meditate. During meditation I quickly found the feeling of peace, love and completeness, but I also found myself drifting back into stress and chaos, almost as if I liked having that feeling, which I did not. I was finally able to stay with the feeling of peace and love, realizing the other to be a distraction.

Science & Love

In the process of reading Sean Carroll’s The Big Picture: On the Origins of Life, Meaning, and the Universe Itself I encounter his comment that; "At the moment, the dominant image of the world remains one in which human life is cosmically special and significant, something more than mere matter in motion. We need to do better at reconciling how we talk about life’s meaning with what we know about the scientific image of our universe." It is clear to me that the further we explore science the closer we come to validating many of our spiritual principles. For example, thinking of love as an energy field that effects particles.

Eternity

As Sean Carroll points out; "Everybody dies. Life is not a substance, like water or rock; it’s a process, like fire or a wave crashing on the shore. It’s a process that begins, lasts for a while, and ultimately ends. Long or short, our moments are brief against the expanse of eternity.", certainly true of physical existence but the evidence suggests that there is something more. I wish to embrace the "more".

Faith

In less than two weeks my wife and I will be moving to Maryland with the primary purpose being so that I can work with the population there concerning the contents of my book. I am not certain exactly what form that will take, but it will probably involve my presenting workshops of some kind. Presenting those workshops will unquestionably be a physical challenge for me, which does concern me. What does concern me is the spiritual challenge and I don’t even know what that will be. During meditation I feel confident that the necessary guidance and support will be there.

Compromise

The topic for today’s recovery meeting was "compromise". During the meeting I commented that there were some things, like following my spiritual path or the use of drugs/alcohol, that I would simply not compromise on. However, most things, like money or material possessions, are not very important to me and I will compromise on them. I find it amusing that during the moving process which I am now in the middle of I encounter many opportunities to compromise about selling, getting rid of or keeping various items. My initial response is almost always a vigorous and vehement wish to keep my possessions, I am attached. I then relax and compromise.

Following Guidance

As I mentioned yesterday, recently I have been flooded with memories and reminders of what I have accomplished, grown and learned here in Flagstaff, mostly about giving and receiving love. Because of that, some part of me wishes to stay, but also knows that I will not. The climate here also suites me, with pleasant seasons, pleasing temperatures, dryness and lots of sun. In moving to Maryland I will be going to a place of dense population, heat and high humidity, but, as I said earlier today, "I am not doing this for me". I am doing this as my best effort to follow "Higher Power’s will" for me.