Loving Action

Today I kept reflecting on the words of Gilbert Kilpack when he wrote "We want to be spiritually alive, but also to be comfortable; to be prayerful, but not to rise early in the morning to pray; to possess power to lead, but not to undergo the discipline that it takes to control the power", which was originally written about Quakers but generally applies to most people. I would like to see some changes in the ways we treat each other (more compassion, respect and understanding) and this planet (less destruction and more sustainable practices). These changes would require that people be a bit less comfortable and more disciplined, hard choices to make. The love, compassion and understanding of a few can have an effect on many and that is the only thing I have experienced that will bring about those changes. I can and will do that.

Practice

It is now twelve forty-five in the morning - the bare beginning of a new day when I pray, meditate and review the previous day. I sift through the previous day feeling for spiritual highlights to write about in this blog and frequently get guidance about my life in general or the coming day. Today, this is a time to write about my practice and how grateful I am for the time. This is a sacred time, a quiet time to listen, write, pray and meditate. For me it just happens, I never set an alarm and I look forward to it. I frequently think of the words from the book of Wisdom "When a peaceful silence lay over all, and the night had run half of her swift course, down from the heavens, from the royal throne, leapt your all powerful word."

Paradox

I have lived much of my life following a path full of loud entertainment, instant gratification, distractions of all sorts, money-power-prestige and self-interest. That life looked good on the surface but underneath it left a feeling of a void, which I then attempted to fill with drugs and alcohol. I finally surrendered and admitted that my life was not working. I began leading a life of love and service to others which resulted in a feeling of fulfillment and the void going away. "To get we must also give, to advance we must also surrender, to gain we must lose, to attain we must resign. From the nature of things life means choice and selection, and every positive choice negates all other possibilities." (Rufus Jones)

God Seed

I disturbs that within most religions and also within this culture humans are spoken of as "pitiful sinners", which they are not. We certainly have an often violent and destructive side. However, as I describe in my book, we also have the God or love seed, a good side, that, if nurtured, can produce wonderful, powerful things. That conflict and choice is part of the joy of being alive, Gilbert Kilpack is writing about that when he writes "Man is separated from God, but secretly united to God; that is the prime fact of life, and all things in all creation speak of this separation, this incompleteness which has infected all." As he also point out nurturing that seed requires discipline and practice. "Yet, feverishly and systematically, we turn ourselves from facing up to it."

Internal Conflict

I have been reading Our Hearts Are Restless, by Gilbert Kilpack. He makes the point that "We want to be spiritually alive, but also to be comfortable; to be prayerful, but not to rise early in the morning to pray; to possess power to lead, but not to undergo the discipline that it takes to control the power." And I agree with that statement, but he and several other spiritual leaders also view this condition as unfortunate, a negative aspect, and I don’t agree with that. It’s certainly true that this condition is a conflict, a source of tension. However, resolution of conflict is part of the joy of life and Spirit, whatever you choose to call it, knows and appreciates that. In the recovery meetings I attend people openly admire my spiritual achievements and would like to have the same, but without the physical pain I have had and without doing the things I do - so would I! We all find our own way of answering the conflict.

Decisions

I would like to see political decisions made that reflect love, compassion, understanding and inclusiveness. Decisions that, as my book suggests, "add to the integrity of the universe". At this point it seems that decisions are being made based on ego and power. As was pointed out by C.G. Jung "Where love rules, there is no will to power; and where power predominates, there love is lacking. The one is the shadow of the other." In my opinion, such decisions would promote the welfare of people in this country and enhance our standing in the world.

Recovery

In my recovery meeting tonight we primarily talked about one of the guidelines we follow in the recovery process, making amends. That part of the meeting was good but it also lacked the feelings of passion, love and support that is often present when people bring up the day-to-day issues they are wrestling with, "the vicissitudes of our utterly human lives". Then one person brought up an issue and the feeling of the meeting immediately shifted to love and support. Both themes are necessary in the recovery process, guidelines within an environment of loving support. "We can cultivate an environment among us which will foster one another’s spiritual growth by directing and redirecting intention and attention to God; by discouraging what draws us away; by loving support for each other in the vicissitudes of our utterly human lives; by respecting and cherishing the uniqueness of each life." (Loring)

Choice

Personally I am now ready and willing to turn away from worldly distractions and the pursuit of "money, power and prestige" in favor of living a life of service, compassion and Love. I make this choice having lived many years attempting to find fulfillment in the more worldly pursuits and finding them lacking. I made an exhaustive attempt which was an important and critical part of my path. Most people in this culture are not yet done with the worldly pursuits and it is important for me to realize that is just fine - perfect in fact! Some people feel bad that they choose the dark rather than the light and my advice to them is "don’t feel bad just enjoy your choice". "I [George Fox] saw the infinite love of God. I saw that there was an ocean of darkness and death, but an infinite ocean of light and love which flowed over the ocean of darkness."

Choice

At least once a day in the early morning and often several times during the day I am faced with a choice between acting in accordance with that "small quiet voice", that of God/love, or some worldly alternative. The small quiet voice almost always would have my actions be other directed, selfless and loving. These are actions that are long term, very fulfilling and ones that "increase the integrity of the universe". The alternatives are generally self directed, ego driven and instantly or quickly gratifying. At this point in life I usually choose the loving option. When I was young I usually chose the alternative and did not listen to the small quiet voice. "From everywhere, it seems, we are bombarded with the idea that our nature is innately violent, that our chief preoccupation is with our sexuality, and that our main purpose in life is the acquirement of ever more nifty possessions.......Indeed, if is only through the practice of inner silence that we can begin to disentangle ourselves from our culture and its illusions."

Self-Examination

I have done a great deal of self-examination through journaling, attending workshops, contemplation and taking several, personal, in-depth inventories and I have learned to love and respect all of the person I found - me. I spent many years of my life trying to "hide" from my shadow side, the hurt, angry, antisocial part of myself, pretending it was not there - an exhausting and unsuccessful effort. I do not like my shadow side, but I do love and respect it. That part of me is still there, and shows its face occasionally but I choose not to act on it. "Jesus said, ‘Let the one who seeks not stop seeking until he finds. When he finds he will become troubled; when he becomes troubled, he will be astonished and will rule over all things.’" from the gospel of Thomas.