Acceptance

  I find a lot of peace in simply accepting or even enjoying “what is” any given time.. Sounds simple and it is for things that are enjoyable and many short term unpleasant events.  I have found accepting long term unpleasant aspects like my disability to be more complex.  On a good day I can just accept my limited abilities and focus on the many benefits I have received due to my condition. There are always gifts.  On a less good day I can at least be grateful my condition is not worse.  I also need to accept those days when I am angry, fed up or impatient with my condition.  I need to accept those times when I am terrified about getting worse.  If I do not accept my “negative” feelings they build up pressure inside me.  Today is a good day and I am grateful.

Martha and Mary

When Jesus visited sisters, Martha and Mary, Martha bustled around taking care of business while Mary sat at his feet basking in the feeling of his presence.  I tend to be a Mary, though I also see that the needed things get done. My approach is made easier by my disability.  The fact is I cannot do much and tire quickly.  My choice to meditate a great deal is aided by necessity.  Quiet time is easy for me while activity is not.  I also enjoy connecting with that loving force I call God, several times a day.

Fulfillment

  I exist in a culture which emphasizes material success and professional accomplishments and I certainly admit that I am financially and materially quite well off, gifted in fact.  My wife and I are also what may people consider poor and we generally qualify for financial assistance, though we do not usually take advantage of it, since we have no need.  I emphasize things like love, relationships, connections, listening, self-care and understanding.  I find my fulfillment within and feel quite rich and totally fulfilled.  “An Indian says you search in vain for what you cannot find,. He says you’ve found a thousand ways of running down your time.”  (Jeremiah Johnson, the movie)

Part of My Practice

  I have several people that I mentor primarily on spiritual issues or life events that impact spiritual connections. I talk to most of them weekly on the phone and some are local.   I was surprised because some were young when we began (now closer to middle age!) and they still sought my guidance.  I listen a lot to them and also my own guides.  I ask for guidance, listen and pass it on.  It feels wonderful and helps keep me humble.  I know the source of wisdom is not me — I get out of the way and say what I am told. No small task!

Self Care

  Today I am sick of being disabled and would very much like to be more physically able —It is one of those days and I wish to pay attention and move on.  My normal approach to the difficulty of being me is to accept the unpleasant parts and focus on my gifts.  The gifts of being slow and disabled include greater patience, deeper empathy, expanded understanding and more peaceful solitude.  I am more able to see and feel those gifts if I, sometimes, allow myself to feel the negative realities also.  I am also aware that I could be and have been a lot worse.  Time for lunch!

Holistic Healing

  Whenever I am experiencing physical pain, in addition to addressing the physical issues, I look for any emotional component since dealing with that aspect facilitates healing.  Today I had an injured forefinger which got infected and became extremely painful.  I meditated on the pain and was surprised to encounter a thought/feeling/part of me which felt that I deserved the pain — a hangover from my upbringing.  I have been growing and aspire to be “all I can be”.  There is apparently a part of me that thinks such aspirations in a lowly human such as myself should be punished.  Sigh!  Loving myself and asking for guidance took care of that. 

Self Care

  I have come to enjoy feeling loving, peaceful and quiet most of the time.  It is a condition that I find necessary to maintain using quiet time, frequent meditation and conscious contact.  I find that I am easily distracted by things like most news reports and some household tasks.  Quiet gardening, cooking and quiet time work for me.  Self care has become very important, but I still have to remind myself to take the time.

After Death

  Back in 2006 I had a near-death-experience where I either died or came close to dying and was transported to the spirit realm, commonly called the “other side”.  During the experience I was told “this what it feels like to be dead” and given the choice of returning to the living or staying there.  I made the choice of coming back because of the powerful unconditional love I felt there.  I knew I could continue to experience that feeling by coming back and spreading love. Since coming back I have also joined a group of others who have  had NDEs.  We talk about the experiences which differ some in each case.  Our tendency is to conceptualize the experience using worldly terms and values.  Having been there it is clear to me that the other side of death is very different from this realm. The difference is so great that we are incapable of conceptualizing what it would be like — so I just enjoy the feeling.

Discernment

  During my recovery group today the importance of being able to discern negative and potentially harmful people was discussed.  This was mentioned as a particular problem when viewing all people through the lense of unconditional love, as mentioned in the last entry.  Viewing all people as “beautiful and wonderful” could be dangerous if they did something potentially harmful.  I realized that I actually prayed for and was granted discernment.  I now trust people to be themselves and love them regardless of what they do.  If they do something that could potentially be harmful, I get out of the way, expect it, and do not take it personally 

All People Are Beautiful

  Many years ago, during a sweat lodge, I asked to “see things the way God does”.  My prayer was granted during my NDE (near-death-experience) and the “downloading” in the months after.  I learned and, eventually, came to feel through the powerful unconditional love of that plane that “all people are beautiful and wonderful”. The feeling was similar but stronger that a parent might have toward his or her beloved children, even when they do something harmful to themselves or others. When I first had that feeling myself, I asked how I could continue to function in today’s world with such a feeling.  I was told simply that “you’ll get used to it”.