Eventful Day

This was a very long, eleven hour, day, which began with several hours of staff meetings and ended with several hours of sweat lodge preparation and a sweat.  I knew it would be a long, demanding day so I asked/prayed for support, and got it.  It was quite something to feel that added support flow into me and then leave, when the day was over.
The lodge for young recovering addicts, was a strong one.  They were very appreciative of the experience.  It appeared to me that they were hungry for a spiritual experience which emphasized love, connection and oneness, rather than the individuality, accomplishment and competition emphasized by the dominant culture.  It was wonderful to be a part of.

Don'T Take It Personally

I have been participating in a lot of activity in an effort to get some body-work done on my car, primarily dealing with the insurance company and the body-shop.  I find it entertaining to watch as my ego tries to jump up and assert itself, particularly when the person I am addressing reacts to my speech as if I am incompetent.  At one point it was even suggested that my wife could take care of it, since I clearly couldn’t.  Rather than reacting I simply said that I would take care of it.  It is fun to watch, and reassure myself that their reaction says little about me so there is no need to take it personally.

Prayer & Meditation

I have been attending recovery meetings for many years.  I find it useful to be reminded daily of what works (results in peace and joy) and what does not work (results in fear and turmoil).  Daily periods of prayer and meditation, being with that force of peace, love and connection which I call God works, no matter what a person calls it or believes in.  Nisargadata says that the mind is always “restless”, my comment is that it is “fear based”, and by its nature does not lead to a sense of peace or love.  I think I will stick to my daily practice of prayer and meditation!

Humanity, A Wonderful Thing

I spoke harshly to a woman after the lodge tonight.  Nothing inappropriate, I just, basically said “leave me alone” using a very loud and harsh tone, and, as I explained when I apologized, it was the best I could do at that time, since I was having substantial pain due to numerous cramps.  I do not enjoy such reminders of my humanity, at least during the period shortly after they happen.  However, given time, I return to the unconditional love and nature I have come to know from God.  I find solace in the knowing that there is not even anything to forgive since I am simply a wonderful, beautiful human being.  Having come to know that, I can,  and do, apply the same to others.

Acting Out Of Love

Today I became very aware that during any given day, I make many decisions concerning my own actions.  If those actions affect only me, I can determine what will “increase the integrity of the universe” pretty readily, using some meditation/contemplation.  However, if those actions impact other people, as well as me, my attachments, desires and judgments cloud my decision to do the next right thing, I no longer feel free to decide and it becomes more difficult.  I would like my actions to be out of love and free of co-dependence or attachments but that is not always easy, particularly when my actions could, potentially, cause others to be uncomfortable or angry.
It took longer but the decision is now clear!

Insight

I spent a few hours this afternoon making a large (six gallon) pot of very fine vegetable soup (splitting wood and carrying water).  We then had some of the soup for dinner, delicious.  While doing this it struck me how wonderful and, largely, meaningless the whole process was.  I felt free to sense both aspects strongly and my perception felt balanced and true.  In the past I would try to find some personal fulfillment or meaning in the activity, coupled with a feeling of hollowness and/or disappointment.

Spiritual Guidance

As I said during a recovery meeting today, I consider pain, either emotional or physical, to be a form of spiritual guidance, a position I have developed in response to years of my own pain and a desire to reduce that pain.  I generally consider pain to be an indicator that I might want to do things differently.  For example, if I allow my sense of peace and happiness to depend on any sort of worldly experience like my job, physical condition or the weather, then I am likely to experience periods of pain or discomfort.  As a result, I have learned to participate in worldly experiences while focusing on the love and peace of the eternal or absolute, being in the world but not of it.

Holistic Healing

Today, I went to the healer I use, a hands on medical intuitive.  I found our session exhausting and was glad I had set aside the rest of the day for R. & R.  Presumably due to his work and mine, I have noticed significant changes in my brain function.  I find myself wondering how far the positive changes will go, considering the force genetics and the damage I have done to my brain with drugs and alcohol.  My holistic approach already has resulted in healing far beyond what was predicted by the medical profession.  It is what it is.

Self

It has been important for me to realize that the reality of the eternal, unborn part of the self is right there, always present, within each of us, and all we have to do to sense its presence is to clear away (negate) the parts that are transient and solely of this world. Simple, but not easy!  At first, I could only sense that presence briefly during meditation.   I now enjoy knowing the eternal part of the self most of the time, getting pulled back into the worldly drama occasionally.  I find a strong sense of peace, love and connectedness there.  The eternal part is the reality I live with.  The transient part seems to be all about drama, chaos and fear, but is also very compelling.

Being

Tonight at the recovery meeting, various people mentioned the difficulties they were having in their lives and I commented, first acknowledging my own numerous difficulties, that the problems were all a beautiful and wonderful part of the human condition.  Things like disabilities, deaths, floods, murders, sobriety, births, beauty and, so called, miracles are all different sides of the same coins.  Within this world of dualities, one does not exist without the other.  While we are in human form, it is important to know, experience and feel each on our path toward learning about giving and receiving love.  It is then possible for that timeless, unborn part of each of us, to carry that being back to the absolute.