Making Choices

Today I received some promotional material and suggestions for my book from the publishing company.  As I read through the suggestions, I quickly realized that I was physically unable to follow their suggestions due to my disability and associated speech problems.  I immediately fell into a downward spiral of anger and self-pity.  While the spiral was happening I realized it was not useful and tried to get out of it through distractions, which did not work.  What did work was confronting my fears and self-pity through meditation, laughing at myself a bit and then realizing that I had other choices.  I am still exploring choices but in a love and faith-based way.

Growth

I have had the privilege of working with several people on the edge of death, basically helping them deal with the realizations and process of that final, very meaningful and beautiful transition.  It almost always brings me to tears to hear them say something to the effect that physical death is not as important as the spiritual and emotional growth that a person goes through in the process of death, something that I too have realized.  I certainly realize that it is not a popular view, but the fact is that events that are often viewed as tragic, frequently also result in emotional and spiritual growth.

Choices

Making healthy choices was a major theme in tonight’s recovery meeting and I realized that, for the last several years, I have done pretty well with that.  Historically I have had a strong tendency to hold on to unhealthy patterns way to long.  I have also had a strong tendency to forget the negative consequences to my own actions.  Recognizing those patterns and actively attempting to do differently has helped a lot.  At the present time, a major part of my sorting or meditation time is spent reviewing my daily choices and deciding if I wish to do differently.

Sacred Practices

Last night I slept for four hours and followed that with another four hours of deep meditation which is similar to sleep, but much more refreshing.  As usual, I did each without any sort of alarm clock, thus making sure that I get what my body needs, and it was very refreshing.  A total of eight hours is about two hours more than normal for me, signifying a greater need.  The greatest need for me right now is that I am attempting to strengthen and broaden my spiritual connection.  As has been the case for the last several years, I am utilizing some Native American practices such as the sweat lodge, pipe and sacred herbs.  However, I am also keeping in mind that they are only symbols, like the trinity or Holy Eucharist. The challenge for me is to look beyond the symbols at the reality beyond.

Self-care

Today, in addition to the regular activities of meeting with my sponsor, preparing, then  going to a recovery meeting and conducting two therapeutic groups, I felt the need for some quiet, sorting time.  I was feeling like I had several unresolved issues, though I couldn’t put my finger on anything, so I just got quiet, cleared my mind and meditated.  Having done that, I feel much better though, outwardly, I have accomplished nothing.

Change

During the meeting today of a spiritual writing group, I commented that I really did want to “change the world” and was doing that by changing one person at a time.  I would like to see the focus of the world shift away from things like materialism, capital gain and competition, toward things like love, connection and faith.  My belief is that would change the way we relate to each other and this planet, our home.  This blog is part of that effort.  In my view it is unlikely that a person would kill their own brother/sister, who they love, or destroy their own home. I’m a dreamer and I like that!

Being Peaceful

It’s been a difficult couple of days for me.  I was wrongly accused of something and immediately went into the defensive arrogance of thinking “don’t they realize who I am!?”.  I also rehearsed several defensive conversations before realizing that the conclusion that I was being accused of was the most likely one and stopped taking the whole thing personally.  I relaxed to the peace of just doing my best and having the faith that it would all work out.  It did.

The Gift of Getting Help

Many years ago, when I was still using crutches, I was struggling to open a heavy, spring loaded door and, much to his mom’s amazement, a very little boy rushed across the parking lot to help me.  When he was done he beamed his pleasure at me.  Since then, because of my disability,  I have asked for help numerous times, with similar results.  Recently I have been getting a lot of help with the promotion of my book, help happily given.  Today I acknowledged that I needed a new computer and began seeking assistance.  Once again I was met with enthusiastic willingness.  One of the principles of attitudinal healing that I learned years ago is that “giving and receiving are the same”.  Each is a gift to be cherished.

That Force 3

Tonight’s recovery meeting was about spirituality and I did not speak, in part because the subject is so vast, and in part because the subject is so simple and basic.  Several people spoke of their own concept, based on their own experience   The concepts and words used varied a bit with each person, some very Christian, some mixed and some essentially atheistic.  As far as I can tell, the words and names used make no difference.  All acknowledged that there is something there that they can tap into.  That seems to be enough.

That Force 2

In meditating about the unconditionally loving God or force that I have encountered and use in my life, it has become apparent to me that many, perhaps most, people prefer to think of that same God or force as a personified entity with, rules, judgements and other human qualities.  For some reason, I do not feel the same need.  I wish to connect with that force and to have that force inform and influence all of my actions during the day.  The result is that my behavior is very loving and that I have a very fulfilling life.