My Own Healing

  Back in 1988 I was diagnosed with cerebellar degeneration a chronic degenerative neurological disease which would typically result in death.  This diagnosis came from Dr. David Zee, a Johns Hopkins Hospital neurologist and seemed to be accurate and encompass my symptoms.  I was in extreme pain, using crutches and in physical therapy learning how to crawl.  I also began to practice Attitudinal Healing together with Buddhist and Hindu meditative techniques, basically using the power of love and the mind-body connection.  After several years Dr. Zee commented that I was his only patient that was getting better.  I have continued to get better in some ways and gotten slowly progressively worse in others (most notably in my speech).  I have also cured numerous other conditions using the power of love.  I am 74 and doing much better than expected, so I think I will continue!

Holistic Healing: The Power of Love

  I realized a few days ago that despite professional and personal advice to the contrary, I have no use for most conventional or mainstream neurologists.  I am an exception to the norm.  I have been successfully using love-based holistic practices for the last thirty-five years since my diagnosis (cerebellar degeneration, a chronic degenerative neurological disease).  I am doing much better than expected, according to my diagnosis and have accomplished things considered impossible, all using the power of love.  It does not help me to be re-diagnosed and have the last thirty-five years ignored or discounted. On the other hand, I would be delighted to talk with a neurologist who acknowledged and incorporated my past.

Beyond Forgiveness

  I was raised in a “quietly” violent and abusive alcoholic home.  I write quietly because there were no police or hospital stays and minimal physical marks.  The source of the violence was my father.  He beat me at times until I turned twelve and was strong enough to stop him. I should also admit that I provoked him.  I also now believe that you should never hit a child.  Through the recovery process I managed to forgive him several years ago.  Then, shortly before he died from Alzheimer complications, I went to visit him in the nursing home where he was staying.  He did not recognize me as his son and had limited cognitive ability.  During that visit God covered us with an umbrella of love and we talked quite intimately for a couple of hours spirit-to-spirit.  I felt nothing but unconditional love for the man before me and I realized that within unconditional love there is no need for forgiveness.

Change

  For the last several days I have had the uneasy feeling that things were not right in my life and this morning through meditation I realized that I was in the midst of change.  Nothing major or earthshaking but simply that it is time to get past some negative ideas about myself and also that I need to do things differently, though I’m not certain what.  It is clear to me that it is time to sit quietly and mentally sift through my own attitudes and behaviors.  If something feels wrong to me, I can then make the needed changes.  As with many things, this sounds simple and easy — it is neither.

Connection

  I have a very strong connection with God, my higher power, for which I am extremely grateful and depend on daily.  I see and feel God in everything I do all day and every day.  I used to only feel that way while doing things like looking at a special sunset.  Now it’s all the time and anything I do ... awesome.  I got that way through the practices I describe in my book, Three Simple Questions: Being in the World But Not of It. It also took a great deal of focus, intent and discipline.  This level of connection is a special gift which I have worked for.  The gift is special but I am not.  It is important for me to realize that I am a simple man who made a powerful choice.

Vibration

  To me, the vibration or energy around any concept is more important than the word or words used to express that concept.  For example, people use words like Buddha, God, Jesus, Great Spirit, higher power to express a concept that is energetically or vibrationally the same, a feeling of love, peace, well being and serenity.  Some Hindus speak of the ABSOLUTE which feels like my God to me and the words used do not matter.  The other day my wife pointed out that my upset and swearing when I spill things (frequent with my disability!) Had a negative “vibe”, which hit home to me.  Using swear words did not bother me much, but I generally project a loving sense so projecting a negative vibration felt more important. I listened and will change.

Guidance

  Today will be a day of reflection in addition to my regular activities.  I plan to do some cooking, exercising and meeting with two of the people I work with, but I also feel troubled and in need of quiet time to sort things out.  To be honest I am not sure what is bothering me ... It could be personal matters or something which is really none of my business in the world at large. I guess I’ll find out! ... It is now later in the day and I have been active with periods of reflection and meditation between. I frequently ask for guidance and support, especially when working with someone. It is now clear that my troubled feeling comes from my wanting to do more and longer range.  My guidance and support is usually here and now, which makes perfect sense.  That is all I need to know.

Discipline

  This morning (Tuesday) I was struggling to feel confident about my own physical ability and positive about life in general.  Then I talked about how I felt with Maria, my wife, and then two people I mentor. I also did some exercising and Journaling. Now, I feel pretty good. I am now glad I did it though those actions took some discipline and I didn’t really want to do them. Those actions helped in the past and I thought they would help this time ... but I still resisted, so I pushed.

Guidance

  Today I celebrated 38 years of sobriety during my recovery meeting. I actually  passed my anniversary on the 11th, a few days ago.  When I spoke I focused on my spiritual recovery.  I had fallen on the hard tile floor of the bathroom two days ago and I wasn’t even sure I would be able to speak since I was still recovering from that.  I asked for guidance and support and “got out of the way” so it was a powerful talk and meeting.  Everyone could feel the power.  I was congratulated many times which I enjoyed immensely, also knowing that I was not responsible for what happened or who was inspired by what I said.  I did say the words and got my ego out of the way, not small things.

Connection

  I spend my day connected to the Universe, God, Eternity, my higher self and “all that is”.  The connection feels strong, loving and very powerful and I suspect I am just scratching the surface.  I cannot describe it more than that but it’s a wonder to me.  It is when I meditate that I feel it the strongest and it is also then that I “listen” most intensely.  I believe that is what Nisargardatta Maharaj called the “I am”.  I get quiet, connect and listen for the whispers.  “According to Thomas, Jesus says that this primordial light not only brought the entire universe into being but still shines through everything we see and touch.” (Elaine Pagels)