Reality 2

  As I said in my last entry “My reality has shifted”.  I used to really believe in the features of this world like the importance of having a job, an opinion, the right appearance, values that fit this world.  I now feel peace, love and laughter much of the time.  I can also feel the eternity we live in and realize that in that case these things mean little or nothing. I feel that even when I listen to the news about what people are doing to each other and this planet. I even feel love and compassion for people when they are doing me harm.  I am also very aware that this feeling impacts all those around me and that all people are constantly interacting with the unseen reality around them.  I know enough to know I don’t know

Reality?

  I find my current way of looking at the world/reality difficult to get used to ... at times ... and wonderful at other times.  Some time ago I made a switch during deep meditation where I could sense love, peace eternity and what I call God..  I also realized the feeling was the same as during my near-death-experience.  I  use the power of that feeling for my own self healing. I have also used that feeling/power in my healing work with other people and spirits.  I find that I can generate and project that feeling/power in working with others ... but only by allowing it, not reasoning, wishing or forcing.  For that I need a feeling of inner peace and love. I now feel that way most of the time.  My reality has shifted.

Love 2

  Back in 2006 I had my near-death-experience when I went to the “other side”, or was dead or near to death for however long it took  During that time I experienced a feeling of intense Godly love and was told that “this is what it feels like to be dead”.  I was then offered a chance to come back and “be of service” by spreading that love.  Since then I have succeeded in transmitting that feeling to others, though only when it was “called for”, not as a result of my own effort.  I also find that I can generate that same powerful, healing, loving feeling when I meditate deeply.  I use that feeling for my own healing and continue to attempt transmission to the healing of others.  It works for me and I am not dead yet so will keep trying!

Love

  I once wrote that “Love is a willingness to sacrifice and devote oneself to someone else’s emotional and spiritual well being and growth.  It is both a feeling and the action springing from that feeling.  Passion, excitement and lust come and go, love does not.  Love always increases the integrity of the universe.  It is inclusive, compassionate, understanding, forgiving and accepting.  Judgement, exclusion, self-interest and criticism do not fit within love”

That strikes me today as a very good description.  More recently I have been reflecting on the power of love to heal and support everything and everyone who experiences it.  As I have described earlier in my journal, I use love for my own physical healing.  Feeling love also broadcasts into the energy around us, affecting all, as do fear and anger.  I used to feel a lot of fear and anger — I much prefer the feeling of love.

 "Love has a quality you can learn to discern.  It 'feels right'.  It is truthful and inclusive.  There is no objective measurement to confirm that you are experiencing love.  You can only trust your intuition and do your best.  If you do, your capacity to discern love will grow.  We are all learning this skill." (Shepherd Hoodwin)

Conscious 2

  I would certainly like to know and understand more about consciousness, but I am also grateful to know that it is far more complex and expansive than commonly believed.  I find that if I listen openly and without judgment or fear, I can hear the “whispers” of plants, spirits and various forces from within the unseen realm around us.  I often notice “lower” animals responding to those whispers as well and suspect that the ability has evolutionary significance.  I have also had several out-of-body experiences when my consciousness seemed to be out of my body.  “There is a door in the mind that opens with acceptance, and closes with judgment of any kind.    There is a door in the heart that opens with trust and closes when fear of any kind is felt.”  (Paul Ferrini)

Listening

Today I have been reflecting on my ability to listen deeply, which I work on daily and have commented on many times in this journal.  My ability to listen has added greatly to the richness of my life.  If I am internally quiet I can communicate with the plants in my yard, feel the more intense feelings of those I am interacting with and communicate with spirits.  I just have to quiet my internal dialog, which of course requires constant attention and is next to impossible.  I do better to not watch or listen to much news and stay away from rapid fire things like the internet.  I like meditation and quiet time.  Laughing at my own brain chatter rather than fighting or judging it also helps.

 

Truth

  Many years ago, when I was involved in my post-doctoral studies, other scientists and I were deeply involved in exploring the issues of that time, which included topics like competition, imprinting and behavioral determinism.  At that time several respected scientists and a Nobel Laureate commented that there was something far more complex going on.  They were ignored and/or discredited, which disappointed me since they were making the important point that the truth was more than was being attended to.  I have noticed a similar pattern many times since.  It seems to me that scientists and others are searching for truth as long as that truth falls within certain comfortable and predictable boundaries.  That is not how truth works!  The reason this is on my mind is that unfortunately my health condition falls outside of those boundaries since I am doing far better than I should be.  The truth of the actions I have taken is largely ignored or discredited while it could help others.  I live that truth.

Consciousness

  I would like to know and understand more of what is usually called consciousness.  I do know enough to know that I do not know, so I am keeping my mind open. There is the simple and logical part of the conscious mind which can guide us in doing many wonderful things, like designing computers, judging right and wrong, performing job functions, telling us to brush our teeth, performing scientific studies and providing us with an endless source of entertainment. In short it can tell us some simple facts about how to get along in the world. The conscious mind can and often does a great deal more than that, if a person is willing to expand their awareness  beyond the limits of commonly held beliefs.  For example, we are interacting at all times with the unseen reality around us through our feelings, intuition and interactions.  Everything we say or do impacts the energy field around us, and we react to that.  “As I understand contemporary trends of physical science, there is increasing recognition of vast unknown areas which science may explore and assist in ordering, but to which it may never provide anything like complete answers.”  (Margaret Mead)

Differences

  Today is Thanksgiving and in addition to feeling my normal peace and gratitude, I am very aware of how different I am from the dominant culture.  This morning while on my exercise machines I listened to NPR and they were all about socializing, feasting, black Friday, video games and buying things.  I have no interest in any of that. Last weekend I had a lovely conversation with my sister-in-law about her home furnishings and some other matters.  What was lovely about the conversation was not what we talked about but the feelings that were shared. I enjoyed the enjoyment I felt from her.  I used to try to fit in, now I just enjoy

Feelings

In my entry toward the end of last month I wrote of “joining with” and not fighting my disability and that has been true for me. My emotional position allows me to listen to what it has to tell me.  I also just realized how angry it made (makes?) me.  I have found it very important to feel all of my feeling and in this case if I am to honor, respect and accept my disability, I also need to feel my anger and intense dislike for what it has put me through.  I need to love it note like it.