Faith

Every morning recently I have spent some time watching a beautiful and colorful Marbled orb-weaving spider (Araneus marmoreus) which has been making her web near my front porch. She makes her web shortly after dawn each morning, attaching a single signal strand to the center of the web. She then retreats to some folded up leaves to hide for the day, patiently waiting for flying insects to be captured by her web. She keeps contact with the web through the signal strand in order to detect any captured insect. She is a good metaphor for me since she regularly puts a large amount of effort in order to make her web, having no idea what the outcome will be that day. She simply acts according to her nature, trusting in the outcome.

Imagine

I would like to see everyone act according to the three questions that are the central focus of my book: (would I do this in front of God, or whatever you call that power/force?; is my name really on it or is it really my responsibility?; will this increase the integrity of the universe, or is this loving?). I would also like to see people act according to the knowledge that each of us is emotionally, physically and spiritually connected to everything and everyone else. To do so would mean an end to much of the chaos and destruction that is happening. I am a dreamer! The least I can do is "be the change I want to see in the world".

Attitude

In his book Ethics for the New Millennium, His Holiness The Dalai Lama calls for a spiritual revolution very similar to what I describe in my book, a fundamental shift in attitude. He suggests "Spirituality I take to be concerned with those attitudes of the human spirit----such as love and compassion, patience, tolerance, forgiveness, contentment, a sense of responsibility, a sense of harmony----which bring happiness to self and others.......Thus spiritual practice according to this description involves, on the one hand, acting out of concern for others’ well being. On the other hand it entails transforming ourselves so that we become more readily disposed to do so." He emphasizes the way we treat each other, while I include the entire planet, but the approach is similar.

Increasing The Integrity Of The Universe

A good day, I was able to act according to the three questions that are the central focus of my book: (would I do this in front of God, or whatever you call that power/force?; is my name really on it or is it really my responsibility?; will this increase the integrity of the universe, or is this loving?). I found myself being judgmental and angry at a person I was living with so I talked about it, laughed at myself, let it go and did not act on it. I also made several loving and supportive comments to people during the day.

Pushing Myself

Today I pushed myself physically, doing quite a bit more than this sixty-eight year old, disabled body is used to - good for me! I did some cleaning, walked down to the lake near our new home and did some yard work. Before becoming disabled, when performing physical activity my muscles would get tired but felt like they were working smoothly together. At this point my muscles always feel like they are quarreling with each other, more so when they get tired. Taking the physical activity and combining it with the fear and pain I have talked about recently, the result is that I am drained and exhausted - time to rest.

Becoming

Maria and I began doing some work on our new house in preparation for moving in. She prepared one room for replacing the carpet with wood and I did some cleaning, primarily in the kitchen. The work we did was very grounding while I also dealt with the existential fear of becoming all I can be. I welcome the fear, feel it (very unpleasant) and eventually I will let it go, but I am not there yet. The words of Williamson come to mind; "Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us."

Dealing With Pain

Today I am dealing with pain, something that happens to me quite often. Pain, for me always has an emotional and often spiritual aspect as well as the physical reality. I’m not saying the pain is not real, hysterical or caused by me for emotional reasons. The physical basis of the pain can often be clearly shown as tissue inflammation or damage of some sort. What I am saying is that there is an emotional and often spiritual component as well. Using meditation and contemplation if I can find the emotional/spiritual root of the pain, that will promote healing of the physical aspect or, at least, reduce its impact on my life. Time to meditate.

Self-Care

We did a final "walk through" of our new house since the previous owners have now moved out. It is now time to have some work done and for us to do some work to make the house our own. This stage will involve switching the flooring in three rooms from carpet to wood (less dust!) and installing sturdy railings any place there are stairs, for my balance. There will be other jobs over time, "feathering the nest". This is a nice stage that feels like a gift - a pleasant place to live while we do the work of being of service to others.

My Issues

Two issues come to mind which occupied my thoughts today. The first is that, like it or not, I have a very close relationship with the force or entity I call God. That closeness causes my life to be very different from most people in that they can sense the love and knowingness which stems from that relationship. That closeness also carries the responsibility of acting accordingly. I identify strongly with Jesus and really like the comment by Borg that "Finally, the image of Jesus as a spirit person has implications for how we think of the Christian life. It shifts the focus of the Christian life from believing in Jesus or believing in God to being in relationship to the same spirit that Jesus knew. It is the claim that I emphasized at the end of chapter 1 and that will emerge yet again in this book: that the Christian life moves beyond believing in God to being in relationship to God." I am inviting everyone to have that relationship, not just Christians.

The other issue which occupied my thoughts is that I have as a result of my history been only minimally socialized, meaning I don’t do well in social situations and come across as rude or uncaring, at times. I am asking for help and guidance and doing my best.

Love 2

The topic for today’s recovery meeting was the importance of love and connection for healing, especially quitting illegal drugs or alcohol. Someone brought up that, for them, love had a sexual connotation. They were referring to what I call "country song love" which is not at all what I mean at all. I do mean truly wanting and being willing to support their emotional and spiritual development. Like I said yesterday, using the words of Williamson "Not a silly love. Not a childish love. But a powerful love, an awesome love so aligned with God that it will change all things." As I said in the meeting, the presence of that love promotes healing.