Love, Peace, Connectedness and Compassion

I realized today, that I am losing touch with the drama of the human experience.  Because of my connection with God, I inhabit a world of love, peace, connectedness and compassion.  It is an absolute world so there is no corresponding apathy, hate, fear, feeling of chaos or loneliness, it is a bit strange.  The drama that has been present most of my life is gone, other than in memory, and occasional lapses, which keep me alert.  I still also hear the chatter of my brain at times, but for the most part I enjoy doing nothing, as I did yesterday.
In addition to enjoying being quiet, doing nothing and simply feeling at peace, there are many related benefits.  For example, I feel little or no need to prove myself or justify my actions, I am content being Charlie.  Another example is that I am preparing to lead a retreat and I passionately want people to grow as a result, but what form that takes makes little difference.  The retreat could simply stir up negative thoughts, resulting in them resenting me and ultimately the retreat would still lead to their growth.  A third example is that my future path is totally up in the air and I am good with that.  Understanding is not required!

Healing

Today I ended up talking and thinking about the options of talking about versus holding something inside and not talking about it.  I have done both, numerous times.  Holding something inside feels the same as trying to close up a physical wound before it is ready, it swells, gets more painful and festers.  The pain and hurt do not heal.  On the other hand, talking with a trusted individual, who will simply listen, rather than trying to fix or correct me,  permits healing.  A scar may remain, but things feel better and it is possible to move on with life, unencumbered.

The latter is a love based approach, the former is fear based.  Having tried both, I prefer the latter.

Passion

I went to a super-bowl party today, my first.  I did not watch the game, but I did watch some of the pre-game festivities and also the people watching the T.V.  I was struck by the obvious passion people felt, particularly the game participants on the television.  That passion was a wonderful thing to observe, and feel in the case of the other observers in the room with me.  The object of their passion, the game, was silly, in my opinion, but the passion was quite real and delightful.  The tears, facial expressions and general body tension of the people on the screen were quite something to behold!

I also felt extremely uncomfortable due to the emotional chaos, intensity of feelings and the presence of the T.V.  I suspect that it was my last super bowl party!  I did spend most of the time in a small gathering away from most of the people and the T.V.  That part was pleasant.  Generally, I feel more connected and less chaotic in small groups.

Asking for Help

I generally present a “blank slate’ to people I interact with, meaning that I am essentially neutral about most things.  I enjoy life a great deal but I do not carry around the emotional baggage that I used to, quite a relief.  I also laugh, chuckle and smile a lot when interacting because I feel a great deal of joy at experiencing or witnessing the human condition.  Whenever I either laugh or simply present the blank slate I am impressed by what people can and do project on to me!  I am also impressed by how tenaciously they hold on to the belief that their perceptions are accurate.  They tend not to realize that their perceptions reflect nothing about me.  For example, I routinely ask for and rely on the help of others each day, it’s part of being connected and the joy of life.  However, on the occasions that I turn down help that is offered, for some reason, the potential helper often concludes that I have an issue with allowing someone help me.  I used to try to convince them otherwise but now I just let it go.
I am reminded of an occasion years ago, when a little boy of about three struggled to open and then hold a door for me.  I was using crutches at the time.  The look on his face expressed such joy at being able to help.  His mother was amazed!  As one of the principles of attitudinal healing says “giving and receiving are the same”.

Connection With Trees

Today, when I left my garage, on the way to my house, the juniper just outside the garage “said” hi to me.  It did this by wafting me with its scent and sending a vibrational greeting.  It has done this before, many times, but it does not do it during the winter months, when it is dormant.  Its action is a very nice reminder that spring is here.  The birds have also announced this by singing their spring songs.  The chipmunks are also very active and playful.

When I went out back tonight, the first thing I noticed was how humid it felt, unusual for Flagstaff.  There is a possibility of rain.  I then noticed a very strong feeling of the trees waiting for and anticipating the rain, a feeling that I have not noticed before.  I then brushed against the juniper I was standing next to, it liked the contact, so I did it some more.  It is wonderful to be aware, awake and connected to all things.

It was a good rain!

Inner Light

I have been reading about and contemplating the “inner light” that comes with a strong connection to God, or whatever you wish to call that power/force/entity.  I have experienced a very strong sensation of a glowing, warm and radiating feeling which certainly feels like strong sunlight.  Another sensation that I get fairly consistently, especially when feeling connected is that the trees, vegetation, rocks and earth in general seem quite noticeably vibrant, alive and bright.  Additionally, while in the complete darkness of the lodge and I open my eyes, things seem extremely bright and totally dark at the same time, a strange paradox.  I can encompass none of this with my intellect, a fact that I find delightful.  Understanding is not required!


Tonight in the lodge I noticed, once again, the extreme brightness.  I also looked around and could see no-one at all, though there were nine others in the lodge with me.  I also held my hand in front of my face and could not see it, the visible darkness continued.  It was a strange combination of sensations.  The feeling of brightness is quite real, to me, and it feels the same to the body as does visible light, even the warmth and comfort that generally comes with sunlight.  However, it is obviously not the same as visible light.  I also felt  very strong gratitude and a very good connection to God.  It was a good lodge.

Grief and Loss

At my recovery meeting tonight the topic was grief and loss, with the main driving force of the grief being the death of a loved one.  As I shared tonight, when a person dies they go to a place of increased consciousness, surrounded by feelings of love, peace and compassion, a pleasant shift from the mundane world.  I did not say it exactly this way, but the process of grief is for the living, the ones left behind.  The ones left behind are the ones who experience loss and go through the grief process.  For me, my main challenge is to not let my intellect interfere and just let the feelings flow.

Self Acceptance

It is very important for me to remember, for myself or when working with others, to work first toward becoming aware of what and who we are, rather than who or what we want to be/become. For myself, that requires a great deal of awareness, coupled with acceptance.  For example, I am disable, sixty four, have a speech impediment, am in very good physical shape considering all of that, have spiritual gifts far beyond what I thought possible and think I have a fabulous life.  If I can accept and have a level of peace with all of that and I can then make changes to the parts I do not like.  I need to accept, and even love (not necessarily like!) what is real and then work within it, otherwise my attempts at making changes are doomed to failure.
When working with or just talking to others, if I can keep my own ego out of the way, employ deep listening, use my intuition and have a good connection with them, then I might help them come to some level of awareness and acceptance of themselves.  They then have the potential to make changes.  Enabling a person’s addiction is a good example of what not to do.  Enabling is allowing a person to continue with their addiction, rather than becoming aware of what they are doing and changing.  Natural consequences help a person become aware.
Each of us have different preferences, due to soul age, differing experiences, genetics or a variety of other things.  It is hard to accept the things that we don’t like about ourselves. The self is a good place to begin, if one wishes to be at peace.

The Other Side of the Veil

I found it quite moving today to read the account of Eben Alexander’s of his near-death-experience in his book Proof of Heaven .  Particularly the fact that he, I and numerous others experience basically the same, very intense feelings of love, total peace, well being and comfort on the other side of the veil.  He too sensed that there is/was a great deal of power there and that he was being shown very specific things in order that he could bring the information back to this reality, much as in my case.  The appearance and experiences while on the other side vary depending on the person’s history and beliefs but the feelings are the same.
If I focus on that feeling and remind myself of the experiences during meditation, I can return to that feeling, as have various saints and mystics.  If I start off the day with an extended period of doing that type of prayer and meditation, I can carry that feeling with me during the day.  Doing that certainly changes my experience of the day!  Everything is much more intense and I can feel the connection to everything and everybody.

The Function of Consciousness

In the early morning hours, when working with people, when performing a sweat-lodge ceremony and at various other times, I use my consciousness to join with God or love by focusing my intent.  If I do that before carrying out those activities it makes a huge difference in the strength of my intuition, ability to connect with others and the strength of my healing.  Once I make the connection with the reality of God or love, I feel the power and know that we are all connected and loved.
  I suspect that I have only scratched the surface, as to the potential there, but the results are quite phenomenal, and I do the best I can.  My focusing works well as long as I do it for service and make an effort to be totally selfless.  As expected, self-centered thoughts do intrude into my consciousness, but I dismiss them without acting on them.  Those passing self-centered thoughts seem to be part of being Charlie, for right now, but I need not act on them.
As a scientist and member of this culture, I used to limit my consciousness to my intellect.  I used to believe that consciousness was limited to the brain and that everything would eventually fall within a person’s intellectual understanding.  I had no idea that I was severely limiting my own consciousness and abilities.  Now I attempt to make the most of my potential, a difficult task.