New Years

It’s New Years Eve and I am thinking that the conditions on this earth we depend on would be very different if we all behaved according to that infinite, eternal loving force or God seed, I spoke of yesterday. On the other hand, taking a more eternal view, everything is moving along just fine, perfect even! Both views are true, and part of me. I was aware today that I have one foot in the present, what "is", and the other in the eternal, "ought". As a result, I feel very much anchor-less. "it is certain that in a person the ought goes beyond the is, the vision of the potential makes the present actual unsatisfying and insufficient."(Rufus Jones)

Potential

Speaking of the God seed, as I state I my book, "that seed is always there no matter how despicable that person appears on the surface." All people have the choice at all times to act according to that infinite, eternal loving force. That force is part of each of us. For me it requires some effort and discipline to stay connected to that force, since I was not raised to even know of its presence and the culture does not support it. "However that may be — and let the man who soaks his evolutionary terms with purpose pause and reflect — it is certain that in a person the ought goes beyond the is, the vision of the potential makes the present actual unsatisfying and insufficient."(Rufus Jones) I strive to stay connected to that force and become all I can be.

God Seed

When I get internally silent and look inside myself, using meditation, I find a very fallible and finite human being but also an infinite or eternal being that is connected to the wonderful, loving force I call God.. When I make that connection, which I do daily, I realize that it makes no difference the names I use for that force, only that I feel and act on the love. I have a number of human traits like anger, jealousy and ego that both interfere with that love and, like a particle of dust in a ray of sunlight, make it possible to feel that love more intensely. My intent is to feel and act on that "God seed", as I call it, in everything I do. "The central fact that concerns us here is that He [Christ] is the revealing organ of a new and higher order of life."(Rufus Jones)

Meditation

During periods of prayer and meditation, at first only in my sacred time in the night and now all day, I encounter the loving force or power I call God. During my meditation I find that I can become one with that power and use it in my day to day life. I have not yet determined the limits to the effects of that contact, but I am working on it! "A mystical touch is a deep, intimate contact-union-experience of God in one of His attributes such as power, light, goodness, beauty, or joy."(Thomas Dubay, S. M) The most readily observed effect is in my physical healing which often puzzles Drs., a source of personal amusement and frustration. A less obvious effect of that contact is a deeply fulfilling life. "Immersion in God entails a being filled with Him, a divine inflowing. Biblical men knew well enough that this self-communication of God is the sole destiny of men." (Thomas Dubay, S. M.)

Becoming

I wrote yesterday of my own tendency to hold myself back and the fact that I see the same tendency in others. I do everything I can to prevent that sort of attitude in myself and attempt to empower others to become "all they can be" - themselves. Most people, including myself, are much more than they think they are. I love mankind and want to see them become that. "It [evolution to higher levels] is not now the result of an escalator coming up from below. It depends on us, and persons like us, whether we go on to further goals or not. The possibilities are in us, there is no compulsion. We can sag down to the level of animal life, or we can climb an inward Jacob’s Ladder and become rightly fashioned by spirits, kindled by a flame from above..... We have the possibility of becoming superbiological.(Rufus Jones)

Self Realization

For the last several years, decades in some cases, I have made a strong effort to not hold myself back due to the limitations placed on myself by my own beliefs. I look around me and notice others limiting themselves and try to escape from my own beliefs. For example, I wrote my book because of the great value I have found through the force of love - but part of me says "you have a lot of nerve promoting your own story". Another example is my disability. I struggle to escape from my own beliefs which I form in response to what I am told by neurologists. I was told that I would never get better and probably continue to worsen. I chose not to listen and, with several setbacks, have gotten quite a bit better and, in many ways, not gotten worse. All of this time I have a negative internal voice, which tends to hold me back. "To become a person one must both affirm and deny himself. One involves the other." (Rufus Jones)

Thoughts

This morning during socializing after an hour of silent worship a group of us were talking about our wish that actions were being taken that were more kind and loving toward each other and the earth. I made the comment that people do not hurt other people unless they have been hurt. Political and cultural decisions are being made out of hurt and fear rather than love and spirituality - unfortunate, or is it. The current trend seems like the natural sequence of events, but I am wary of long term consequences. I am clear that I do not know. "Some course of action which seems so clearly to be leading to disaster may contain a twist of fate which lifts it to success. That accident whose cause was so apparent may have had an inner meaning we cannot see. That sudden death which we think could have been so easily avoided with greater consciousness may not have been the tragedy it appears. The man who died may have been needed elsewhere. We simply do not know. Scientists discover and theologians affirm; but faced with the mystery of life and death we know almost nothing. We can learn from the experts, but our experience may not fit their theories and it is our experience and our experience alone that we should trust."(Claremont deCastillejo)

Holistic Healing

I had a person with newly diagnosed cancer approach me the other day asking about the holistic approach to healing which I use. I asked them if they believed in the holistic approach and they replied "anything that works". Their answer to my query struck me as quite reasonable but the response also bothered me since the holistic approach requires effort and focus and I wondered if their answer reflected the necessary commitment. In order to use the holistic approach I have used, one has to join with the problem through meditation or contemplation and then do anything and everything that is called for. "Physical symptoms may tell us that we are going in the wrong direction or they may be evidence of something in the unconscious which will undermine the whole enterprise unless countered psychologically as well as with aspirin." (Claremont deCastillejo)

Meditation

There is a part or seed within me that is totally peaceful, loving, powerful and present, a part that is connected to the force I call God. I call that part "I am" and strive to go to that part several times a day when I meditate. That part or seed is strongest when I meditate in the middle of the night and during the Friend’s hours of silent worship. In order to get there I have to quiet my intellect, cease my worldly longings and attachments. With consistent practice and focus I find I can do that with minimal effort. If I relax, even for a day or so, I cannot, at least readily. "The decisive step toward God consists of letting go of all worries, that is, all fears and attachments. This step requires a foundation of complete and unreserved trust. We can only release our fears in proportion to how much our trust in God has grown, deepened, and ripened into an unshakable faith. The more we abide in living faith, the more we abide in divine love. And where this is, there is no room for fear."(Kopp)

Loving Action

The topic for today’s recovery meeting was loving action, particularly unconditional love and the fact that we frequently fall short of that ideal. I find that for me that, I can, and usually do, behave unconditionally, but that I also have brief thoughts that are very conditional or selfish. For example, when interacting with my wife I might have passing judgmental and self-centered thoughts which I do not act on. Another example is that when dealing with a young woman I might have momentary sexual thoughts which I do not act on. I find it difficult to admit even the passing thoughts but acknowledging them takes away their power and allows me to act unconditionally. According to the Thomas gospel Jesus said, "If you bring forth what is within you, what you bring forth will save you. If you do not bring forth what is within you, what you do not bring forth will destroy you."

Ideal

The other day, during my reading, I ran into a comment that Rufus Jones made several years back which applies to today, that "the democracy I want will treat every human person as a unique, sacred, and indispensable member of a spiritual whole, a whole which remains imperfect if even one of its "little ones" is missing; and its fundamental axiom will be the liberation and realization of the inner life which is potential in every member of the human race." I would also like that ideal and it is certainly possible, but we seem to be getting farther away from that ideal as a reality. Following the thoughts of past spiritual leaders, that ideal would be important for people to lead complete and fulfilled lives. I agree.

Rainmaker Ideal

Today, I sent out another query e-mail to a literary agency in my continuing effort to gain a literary agent for my writing and I find that I am scared because, for some reason, I think this effort will succeed. I am scared that I am not up to the task it represents in terms of my own behavior. I have followed what I call the "Rainmaker Ideal" for years and found its impact on me and everyone I contact to be amazing. Irene Claremont deCastillejo originated the ideal and describes it well; "In those rare moments when all the opposites meet within a man, good and also evil, light and also darkness, spirit and also body, brain and also heart, masculine focused consciousness and at the same time feminine diffuse awareness, wisdom of maturity and childlike wonder; when all are allowed and none displaces any other in the mind of a man, then that man, though he may utter no word is in an attitude of prayer. Whether he knows it or not his own receptive allowing will affect all those around him; rain will fall on the parched fields, and tears will turn bitter grief to flowering sorrow, while stricken children dry their eyes and laugh."  My book and writing reflect the rainmaker ideal as does my life in general and I don’t want to lose that. She expresses my concern nicely when she goes on to write "If we can resist the compulsive pressure of our logical thinking, without relinquishing our precious heritage of lucid thought; if we can hold our ground with our own hardly won ego personalities, yet bow our heads and say, 'Thy will not mine be done'; if we will but notice the reactions of our bodies; and heed the behaviour of the world towards us; if we can learn to listen to the voices within and to the whisper in the wind, with trust as well as with discrimination, we may be able to follow the road where the Rainmaker walks."

Simplicity

This morning, rather than attending the Sandy Spring Quaker meeting we usually go to, we went to the Patapsco meeting which is half the size and they meet at a Presbyterian house adjacent to the church, rather than their own building. There was quite a difference in the way the meetings felt, though they are basically the same. The Patapsco meeting felt pure, clean and the worship was deep. The Sandy Spring meeting is a bit chaotic and the worship is struggling. The Sandy Spring meeting is larger, has its own building and numerous other possessions and distractions. I am reminded of what St. Augustine and numerous other spiritual leaders say "we cannot serve two masters. But a man does try to serve two masters if he seeks both the kingdom of God for the great good it is and those other temporal things." This is a warning I need to keep in mind. We lead a very simple life - and need to keep it that way.

Guidance

I spend several hours a day in meditation, listening for guidance, and I have been asked several tines how I can trust that guidance came from a good source and not a negative one. I rely, primarily, on my own ability to discern and often checking with others about what I "hear". I also listen for the fruits of the Spirit which have been translated as ‘love, joy, peace, kindness, goodness, trustfulness, gentleness and self-control’" (Galatians 5:23 NJB). I listen for and expect the messages to be other directed and selfless. I like the words of Patricia Loring; "Our awareness develops in the context of prayer, our communication with God—not only as we address God but as we learn to listen for God."

Feelings

In the distant past I felt anger, hurt and judgment all of the time without understanding the feelings much at all. Then came recovery and those feelings gradually gave way to putting the anger, hurt and judgment in my past and becoming aware that they came from growing up years. Those feelings were then replaced with love and gratitude for everything and everyone, as I talk about in my book. For the last two years the feelings of love and gratitude have been there and dominant but also complicated by flashes of anger, hurt and judgment. For example, I might feel anger and judgment if someone is rude or socially inappropriate, quickly replaced by feelings of love for that person. Another example is that I can feel momentarily hurt when someone brushes me aside or ignores me then feel the love. I keep thinking of George Fox feeling very human weaknesses and then the Lord explaining that it was needful that he "should have a sense of all conditions’. How else should he learn ‘to speak to all conditions?" I sense that it is now time to move on and stop feeling even a flash of anger, hurt and judgment - just love, understanding and compassion. What comes next, I do not know.

Spirits

I was first introduced to spirits back in 1994 and since that time I have had numerous additional encounters. Up until then I was a "normal white boy", meaning, if pressed, I admitted the possibility of spirits but preferred what I could see-touch-feel. Initially they helped me and gave my life more depth and meaning. Since that time I have had several opportunities to help them, especially recently. I now find that I need their help again in order to advance spiritually.  "Great deeds can only be achieved when we are more than our little selves. When we are lent wings we should not reject them."(Irene Claremont deCastillejo)

Growth

Rufus Jones wrote "It [evolution to higher levels] is not now the result of an escalator coming up from below. It depends on us, and persons like us, whether we go on to further goals or not. The possibilities are in us, there is no compulsion. We can sag down to the level of animal life, or we can climb an inward Jacob’s Ladder and become rightly fashioned by spirits, kindled by a flame from above..... We have the possibility of becoming superbiological." I know what he wrote is possible since I have begun it, though I do not know how far I can take it. It’s exciting. As Joan Baez once sang "I am less than the song I am singing and I’m more than I thought I could be".

God Seed

In my book I talk about the "God seed" and its presence in everyone "no matter how despicable that person appears on the surface". Similarly, George Fox often spoke of "that of God" in each of us. Rufus Jones comment that "Man is from the start a finite-infinite being, and not a mere finite one. Partaking, as he does, of Reason he cannot stop his quest and pursuit of truth at any finite point, for finite truth is a contradiction of terms. If a thing is true at all it is infinitely true" My point is that no matter what name a person puts on it there is a part of each of us that is infinitely real and good, if we choose to acknowledge and work with it.

Inner Silence

Today was one of those days that I was not able to achieve inner silence and the resultant clarity in meditation, my clamoring intellect kept getting in the way. I would sit down to meditate and begin to focus on my breath or the feeling of Love, only to have my brain take off into any of several meaningless topics, like a hamster on an exercise wheel. I had been happily retooling my book and making some preliminary plans to query a specific agency, when I discovered that agency only wanted previously solicited queries, so my plans were thwarted and I needed to regroup. Exactly how to regroup, what direction to take, is what I wanted to meditate about. Perhaps I can achieve inner silence and meditate now. "It [inner silence] is to establish an inner peace, an inner harmony, which will allow us authentically to contribute to the establishment of an outer peace and an outer harmony in the world at large."(Seeger)

Love

I truly believe and have experienced what the Buddha teaches in the Dhammapada, that in this world hate never dispels hate. Only love dispels hate. The belief seems obvious to me, and yet we continue to fight wars, show aggression and make threats which generally do not produce favorable results. Yes, we have some aggressive tendencies, but we also each have the Love/God seed, which I describe in my book. I also suggest ways to nourish and grow that seed. Perhaps then we can stop the hate.

Connection

The quotation which stands out to me tonight is from Gilbert Kilpack, that "Man is separated from God, but secretly united to God; that is the prime fact of life, and all things in all creation speak of this separation, this incompleteness which has infected all." And, as I describe in my book, it is my understanding that we humans each have a God or Love "seed" within us, the part that is "secretly united to God", what is often called that small quiet voice. He goes on to comment that "And though ideas such as these may seem unimportant in our bustling world, the testimony of seekers after life in all ages is that nothing is so important as the completion of our half-lives, the God-filling of our void." I have been very much a part of the bustle of this world, and also felt the void. Now, with effort and focus I have developed my connection to God/Love and have a fulfilling life.

Both, And

In my reading and general explorations of life I keep running into two seemingly different points of view, the reductionist and the metaphysical or spiritual. The reductionist view is summarized nicely by the words of physicist, Sean Carroll; "Almost all of human experience is accounted for by a very small number of ingredients. The various atomic nuclei that we find in elements of the periodic table; the electrons that swirl around them; and two long-range forces through which they all interact, gravity and electromagnatism. If you want to describe what goes on in rocks and puddles, pineapples and armadillos ------ that’s all you need. On the other hand the spiritual leader, Rufus Jones made comments that encompass the more spiritual view; "So long as we are satisfied to confine our attention to exact description of what is, and to study of antecedent causes, the dramatic features of the universe will necessarily escape us, and we shall get no intimation of an Intelligence operative throughout the unfolding drama." If a person holds either view, exclusively, it will have no impact on the reality of the situation and I find it intriguing that both views are valid and "right". They are finally coming together in quantum physics. I prefer both. I enjoy each view. Life is a wonder!

Thoughts

In my reading today and often in the past, I encounter comments about the obvious, destructive and frequently tragic "evil" events in this world of ours. There is usually some sort of comment about how these events are not Loving and cannot possibly come from God. I lived the negative or evil parts of myself for several years, not all the time, but at times being harmful and destructive to myself and others. These events were unquestionably harmful but also eventually, later in my life, contributed to my understanding, love and empathy for others. In my view the apparent destructive events were, in fact, loving. In the words of Irene Claremont deCastillejo; "That accident whose cause was so apparent may have had an inner meaning we cannot see. That sudden death which we think could have been so easily avoided with greater consciousness may not have been the tragedy it appears. The man who died may have been needed elsewhere. We simply do not know. Scientists discover and theologians affirm; but faced with the mystery of life and death we know almost nothing."

Choice

Due largely to the motivation provided by my disability and its related pain I have searched for and found the necessary discipline and effort to develop my connection with Love and Spirit and now serve as an inspiration to others. As a result of my efforts I have a wonderful life with a strong connection to Spirit. Those others do not need to endure the physical problems I have endured — They can watch me. However, they also lack the motivation I have had so they are more able to choose a path which involves less effort, and less reward. The process involved in that choice is part of the joy, frustration and reality of being human. As Kilpack writes "We want to be spiritually alive, but also to be comfortable; to be prayerful, but not to rise early in the morning to pray; to possess power to lead, but not to undergo the discipline that it takes to control the power."

Hard Times

Today we had our Friend’s meeting for worship, an hour of meditative prayer and silence, interspersed with people speaking occasionally when they felt a calling to do so. For some reason, during my meditation, I kept reflecting on, what I see as, dark, hard or troubled times coming in our future and also the words of George Fox when he said "I saw the infinite love of God. I saw that there was an ocean of darkness and death, but an infinite ocean of light and love which flowed over the ocean of darkness. In that also I saw the infinite love of God; and I had great openings" I too have sensed that "infinite ocean of light and love" and know that it will prevail, regardless. I also know that I will do my part — though I have no idea what that will be! Understanding is not required.

Holistc Healing

Thirty years ago I was diagnosed with a chronic, degenerative, neurological disorder and, as I describe on my website and in my book, I was in rough shape and parts of my brain were dying. I was told that I would never improve and probably continue to worsen, meaning I would probably die. Through my recovery program I had begun a spiritual journey and found as Gilbert Kilpack writes, "Man is separated from God, but secretly united to God; that is the prime fact of life, and all things in all creation speak of this separation, this incompleteness which has infected all." I had begun improving my connection to God and once again, after my diagnosis, turned to spirituality, unconditional love and that spiritual awakening. I did not know what to expect but knew I needed help dealing with my disability so I took a holistic approach. Today my condition is much improved and I am extremely grateful. "And though ideas such as these may seem unimportant in our bustling world, the testimony of seekers after life in all ages is that nothing is so important as the completion of our half-lives, the God-filling of our void." (Kilpack)

God's Will

The theme of my recovery meeting today was our relationship with God and our willingness to act in accordance with God’s will for us, a topic I really appreciate. I used to not be willing or interested at all but now I ask for guidance daily and then make use of the resources and power available to me. "Few things — no things that I know of — are so completely and effectively restorative as the discovery that this World of the environing Spirit is verily closer to us than breathing and is charged with the resources of the Life for which we pant." (Rufus Jones)

Love

When I go to a recovery meeting, a worship meeting with the Friends or pretty much any other activity I make it a point to focus on and express my great God given love to others, to beam it to others. My book is full of practices that recommend that activity in order to change our environment. In the words of Rufus Jones; "God must have an instrument — an organ is perhaps a better word — for the revelation of His love and tenderness, just as his physical energies must have their coordinator and transmitter." My website is packed with personal information about the transforming, healing power of love "If love is ever to reach and move and transform anyone with its wonderful impalpable power it must be a real love expressed in a real life." I feel that love all the time and toward everyone.

Choices

Yesterday I wrote about choices we make and I specifically mentioned the tendency of some people to follow the guidance of a human authority figure, meaning someone like a priest or professor. For myself, I prefer to follow my own internal guidance while listening to the comments of experts. My approach is risky and requires both discipline and effort. I use a lot of contemplation, meditation and the loving practices outlined in my book. This approach is very good for me but not for everyone. Free will and different choices are important. In the words of Irene Claremont deCastillejo; "Scientists discover and theologians affirm; but faced with the mystery of life and death we know almost nothing. We can learn from the experts, but our experience may not fit their theories and it is our experience and our experience alone that we should trust."

Choice

In my book, Three Simple Questions: Being in the World, But Not of It, I write of the "God seed" that my experience tells me is within each of us humans. That seed is often spoken of as "that small quiet voice" and often tells us what the next right action is, the choice that is in harmony with the Loving force of the universe. As I mention, if we pay attention to that voice and nurture it, it gets stronger, leading to a very fulfilling life. If, on the other hand, we choose to follow some external guidance such as an authority figure, our own internal guidance remains quiet. Either behavior is totally fine and appropriate, each reflecting different conditions. "The very fact that such a mighty experience [mystical worship] as this is possible means that there is some inner meeting place between the soul and God; in other words, that the divine and human, God and man, are not wholly sundered." (Rufus Jones)

Dealing With Life

This morning we had a meeting of our reading group in which we are discussing Healing The Heart Of Democracy: The Courage To Create a Politics Worthy of the Human Spirit, by Parker J. Palmer in which he promotes a loving democratic process, a loving way of dealing with political tensions. Later in the day I realized that I felt discouraged since many (most?) people are not interested in the effort it takes to deal with life’s tensions in a constructive, loving way. Similar to Palmer, I advocate for a loving and spiritual response to life’s situations in my book, Three Simple Questions: Being in the World, But Not of It. I also call myself a dreamer since many people do not realize how fulfilling that approach can be. Perhaps they are fine and simply not interested. I will meditate on that! "Few things — no things that I know of — are so completely and effectively restorative as the discovery that this World of the environing Spirit is verily closer to us than breathing and is charged with the resources of Life for which we pant." (Rufus Jones)

Daily Practice

The theme for my recovery meeting tonight was the value and regular practice of prayer and meditation. I spoke up and mentioned that I got up in the middle of the night and spent two to four hours in prayer and meditation — and that the practice yields great results. Actually what I do is to first make contact with that loving force and then scan through my list of quotes, looking for one that resonates with the day and that force. That quote and my meditative thoughts end up being the subject of my daily Blog. After writing in my Blog I do an hour or more of meditation, the length depending on what comes up. This practice ends up being the spiritual and emotional foundation of my day and I find it very nourishing. "The world is weary of traditional religion, of formalism and hollow words, but most hearts are hungry for that true thing by which life is actually renewed."(Rufus Jones)

Asking For Help

In 1985, when I first began recovery, I had some sort of life problem, which I do not remember and a friend suggested I ask for help, which I then did. That friend did not suggest I pray or ask God for help, either of which would have irritated me and I would not have done. When I simply asked for help I received guidance as a sense of what to do — and it worked. Immediately after I became disabled and diagnosed with a progressive, degenerative neurological disorder, during my quiet time, I again asked for guidance, calling it prayer this time. I became suffused with the Loving feeling I now call God and received guidance as to how I might cope with my condition. I have done the same pretty much daily for the last nearly thirty years. During that time, and presumably as a result of my efforts, I have accomplished many things that I and many others considered impossible. "Help comes from somewhere and enables us to do what we had always thought could not be done." (Rufus Jones)

thoughts and Feelings

Quite a tumultuous mix of feelings today, particularly this morning, some very pleasant, some not. I started out the morning with ten minutes of cardio exercise followed by a period of prayer, meditation and blessing the morning, all very nice. I then attended a one hour meeting of largely silent worship during which I had a very good connection with the Loving Source, also very nice. My wife and I then did some grocery shopping at a moderately crowded store and I had people bump into me several times, sometimes with their carts. I move very slowly and they were just being stressed and distracted, but I took it personally, resulting in offense, anger and a complete loss of any connection with the Loving Source. It took me several hours of reflecting on things I was grateful for to get my serenity back. "Words and thoughts often block the doorway to the soul." (Valerie Brown)

Self-care

Today I went to have my blood drawn in order that people in the medical profession can monitor my physical health. This activity and others like check-ups and some simple surgeries like hernia repair are tools which help me in my maintenance of health. However, I consider the maintenance of my health to be a sacred responsibility which is mine alone, which is why I exercise, eat right (most of the time!), pray and meditate. If I succeed in maintaining health, and my independence I have a sense of harmony, well-being and the presence of Love/God in my life. I have to be careful since I find it easy to begin to depend on the medical establishment for health maintenance which also clouds my sense of harmony, well-being and the presence of Love/God in my life."The unending yearnings of the human spirit are satisfied by nothing that can be measured, seen, heard or touched. To focus selfishly on anything in the created order is to be restricted and thus to fall that far short of full freedom.(Thomas Dubay, S. M.)

Spiritual Journey

An important part of my spiritual journey has been my exploration of and becoming comfortable with my dark or shadow side in my unconscious, the bad boy or"Mr. Hyde" side. I found that I can acknowledge and even embrace that as part of me, accept it without liking it or allowing it to be expressed. This exploration has certainly deepened my spiritual journey and also allowed for much more empathy and understanding of others. I actually find the less destructive aspects to be an endearing part of being human, allowing for greater love of self and others. "It is not that the demonic forces within the unconscious are not capable of destruction and disintegration. It is rather that within the mystery of the conjunction of opposites their sting can be drawn, their poison drained, and their very energy harnessed to realize a more profound individuation........."And if the light one has becomes temporarily dimmer, the light one seeks is brighter still and is to be found at the very heart of the darkness of the unconscious." (John Yungblut)

Spiritual Life

Paul A. Lacey writes; "I take the spiritual life to be a life of which aims to discover human wholeness, the integration of all aspects of our humanity - body, soul, mind, emotions - and the connection of the self to all of creation.", an approach that I express in my book. As many authors have mentioned, the spiritual life requires some discipline but is well worth it. Leading a spiritual life allows a person to participate in and enjoy all of the normal activities of life without depending on those activities to provide any long lasting satisfaction (being in the world but not of it), very satisfying. I highly recommend it.

Self-care

I was told by a couple of psychics that I had both perseverance and stoicism as character traits, resulting in an ability to tolerate and work through very difficult life situations that many or most people could not. Regardless of the source, this ability has certainly proven to be true with my disability, chronic pain and a variety of life situations and I am grateful for that. Unfortunately, having the tendencies of perseverance and stoicism also results in an ability to stick with life situations far to long rather than changing them. I am good with "the serenity to accept the things I cannot change" and have to watch for the chance to "change the things I can". Right now it is my sleep pattern that is calling out for change. My current pattern has served me well for several years and now needs changing. Meditation helps in deciding how to change it.

Choices

I have made several obviously negative choices in my life, choices that involved lying, stealing, drug use and various illegal activities. I have also made some negative choices that appeared upright on the surface such as taking a job because of increased pay or following a career path of intellectual achievement while turning my back on life fulfillment, spirituality and love. None of those negative choices had any impact on the level of Love and support from God. I now watch others in my life make negative choices usually leading to some sort of short-term self-gratification. I can do no less than love, support and respect. "These chapters [1^st 3 of Genesis] tell a story, and through that story is revealed the agonizing discovery of our human freedom— our freedom to choose between god and evil, and not only freedom to choose but the imperative laid upon us to choose the good daily, or inevitably fall into evil."

Creative Force

During a "sweat lodge" ceremony today I, once again, connected with that "intense, physical sensation of unconditional love, a warm glow just below my heart center", which I wrote of toward the end of last month. the sensation that I was shown during a near-death-experience, quite a gift. Today I was told that feeling of love was the creative force behind "everything we see and touch". When I heard that I thought "say what!?" and I am still trying to wrap my head around it. For now I will continue to enjoy focusing on that feeling when I meditate.  "According to Thomas, Jesus says that this primordial light not only brought the entire universe into being but still shines through everything we see and touch." "Jesus said, ‘I am the light which is before all things. It is I who am all things. From me all things came forth, and to me all things extend. Split a piece of wood, and I am there; lift up the stone, and you will find me.’" (from the gospel of Thomas)

Choice

Today I am very aware that, as Loring wrote, "To undertake to live a discerned life, to endeavor daily to be attuned to authentic movements of the Spirit leading us into greater fullness of life, is a strenuous undertaking." Similarly, yesterday I wrote that "Choosing the spiritual path certainly requires discipline and daily choosing ---- which I do gladly and reap the benefits". Those benefits include a wonderful, engaging life and much better health than would be predicted given my disability (so much so that Drs. keep changing my diagnosis!). I keep talking and writing about the benefits, encouraging others to begin the discipline required.

Choice

Yesterday I wrote of "my very human frailties, my ‘all conditions’". I also commented that I choose to not act on those conditions. Dealing with those conditions is a major part of the joy and challenge of life, the joy and challenge of free will. In the words of Gilbert Kilpack: "We want to be spiritually alive, but also to be comfortable; to be prayerful, but not to rise early in the morning to pray; to possess power to lead, but not to undergo the discipline that it takes to control the power." In my case, I actually prayed to see things as God does, having no idea that would necessitate giving up major portions of self and ego. Choosing the spiritual path certainly requires discipline and daily choosing ---- which I do gladly and reap the benefits.

A Gift

I identify very strongly with George Fox and other spiritual leaders who had strong, mystical connections with what I call God. "The Lord explained that it was needful that he [George Fox]’should have a sense of all conditions’. How else should he learn ‘to speak to all conditions?’ Then followed the critical experience: ‘I saw the infinite love of God. I saw that there was an ocean of darkness and death, but an infinite ocean of light and love which flowed over the ocean of darkness. In that also I saw the infinite love of God; and I had great openings." (John Yungblut). I too am very aware of my humanity, my very human frailties, my "all conditions". I simply do not act on those conditions, I just feel them and apologize when they manage to creep into my behavior. I am also aware and have felt and experienced the "infinite ocean of light" he speaks of and I act accordingly. It feels like an overwhelming gift that I can carry the sense of that ocean during my daily activities.

Changing Perspective

Many years ago I set as my life goal to "change the world", which I selected knowing it was grandiose and that it would occupy me for the rest of my life. Moving back east was part of that goal. In the process of pursuing that goal I find that I have a tendency to experience "anxiety over the state of the world, destructive human tendencies and my own physical condition", as I commented a few days ago. This is a fine example of my becoming overly involved in worldly things and feeling like I am "in charge". I’m not. And I really like the words of Gilbert Kilpack: "Seek not for faith to move mountains. Seek God first. Perhaps the mountains do not need moving, perhaps He will lift you up above the mountains which may be better than moving them.  Seek not pleasure neither of body nor of soul. This too is a gift, eluding those who seek it seek God, for He alone is able to give joy, which is infinitely finer than pleasure.  Seek not power, not even power to do great deeds. Seek God and Him alone, and power will flow from you in ways and times which are hidden from you."

Change In Perspective

Through meditation over the last day I realize that the "outdated notions for viewing the things that are troubling me" which I mentioned yesterday is a return to the use of self will and my own thinking to deal with life, an oppressive way of approaching challenges. The mode of thinking I am returning to is asking for guidance and support together with a faith that everything will unfold as it is supposed to, a much lighter and very practical approach. Irene Claremont deCastillejo outlines this approach well: "If we can resist the compulsive pressure of our logical thinking, without relinquishing our precious heritage of lucid thought; if we can hold our ground with our own hardly won ego personalities, yet bow our heads and say, 'Thy will not mine be done'; if we will but notice the reactions of our bodies; and heed the behaviour of the world towards us; if we can learn to listen to the voices within and to the whisper in the wind, with trust as well as with discrimination, we may be able to follow the road where the Rainmaker walks."

Perspective

For the last few days I have been experiencing anxiety over the state of the world, destructive human tendencies and my own physical condition. I have been worried about my ability to cope with these things. The other night I had a dream in which I was in a mechanic shop having no luck at locating some out-moded spark plugs for my very old vehicle. That dream continues to haunt me and apparently tells me that I am using outdated notions for viewing the things that are troubling me. I have a very well developed (and possibly outdated!) tendency to view the state of the world, destructive human tendencies and my own physical condition as problems that need fixing, rather than human creations that are also part of Divine order, meaning that they do not need fixing, they are simply a part of reality right now. As Elaine Pagels wrote: "Heracleon [disciple of Valentinus who opposed the rigid judgmentalness of Irenaeus] explains that most Christians tend to take literally the imagery they find in the Scriptures: they see God as the creator who made this present world, the lawgiver who gave tablets to Moses on Sinai, the divine father who begot Jesus. But those who experience God’s presence come to see these traditional images for what they are—human creations." Time to meditate and figure out how to be with conditions as they are and determine the next right action for me.

Loving Response

Jesus said, "I am the light which is before all things. It is I who am all things. From me all things came forth, and to me all things extend. Split a piece of wood, and I am there; lift up the stone, and you will find me." (gospel of Thomas). Admittedly it is hard to see, but "all things" includes people indulging in self-destructive or harmful behavior. When I view these behaviors through the eyes of Love, I feel no condemnation, judgement or anger. However, Jesus might say something like "sin no more", as he apparently did in response to the adulteress and I might say something like "walk in the light". This sort of Loving approach to the myriad problems in the world today may be the only solution that will dispel the fear, hurt and anger I spoke of yesterday.

Love

It is totally understandable but there is a great deal of fear, hurt and anger evident in the actions and decisions of the people in this and other countries. In our case we still haven’t fully recovered from the "great recession", so resources are tight and many people are under-paid or under-employed. In the words of Benjamin Friedman: "When material progress falters........people become more jealous of their status relative to others. Anti-immigrant sentiment typically increases, as does conflict between races and classes; concern for the poor tends to decline." Unfortunately, these tendencies result in political decisions and actions that harm the earth and many of the humans living on it. It seems clear that reason, science or material gains are not sufficient to reverse these trends, resulting in better choices. The only thing I am familiar with that might work is love and a spiritual awakening of sorts. This has also been suggested by many spiritual leaders. "In the Dhammapada he [the Buddha] teaches that in this world hate never dispels hate. Only love dispels hate."

Discernment

Many years ago, during a sweat lodge ceremony, I prayed for discernment, the "ability to be attuned to authentic movements of the Spirit". I was seeking to be able to determine my "next right move" and to disentangle that action from earthly attachments or desires for "money, power & prestige". I was granted that gift if I quiet my mind, connect with the Absolute and listen, carefully. I have come to agree with Patricia Loring when she wrote "To undertake to live a discerned life, to endeavor daily to be attuned to authentic movements of the Spirit leading us into greater fullness of life, is a strenuous undertaking." She also wrote that "It requires even more discernment to discover whether the ministry called for from a particular individual in a particular instance requires prophetic speech, humble and hidden activities, bold and dramatic action, professional service or some, novel and previously unimagined course." Recently, I have been spending a large amount of time and energy in working with spirits, largely "humble and hidden activities", which most people know nothing about and some would say was only in my imagination. I am now planning to begin, once again, to attempt to get a literary agent and promote my writing, which will require "bold and dramatic action", as well as some "professional service". It feels right and we shall see where the path leads.

Listening

I am not so concerned about the specifics of the political choices and decisions being made, but I would like to see decisions based on Love and compassion rather than hurt, fear and anger. I do not yet know how to accomplish it but I would like to see decisions based on something like the three questions which are the central focus of my book: Would I do this in front of God, or whatever you call that power/force?; Is my name really on it or is it really my responsibility?; Will this increase the integrity of the universe, or is this loving? In order for me to determine how to accomplish this I connect with that Loving force, the Absolute, through meditation and listen. I need not ask, for if the answer is meant to come - it will. "Seek not for faith to move mountains. Seek God first. Perhaps the mountains do not need moving, perhaps He will lift you up above the mountains which may be better than moving them ....... Seek not power, not even power to do great deeds. Seek God and Him alone, and power will flow from you in ways and times which are hidden from you."

Prayer and Meditation

I have been working with spirits and also people who are in the process of dealing with terminal illnesses. I am clear that I do not know what the outcome will be in any of these cases, that the outcome is not up to me. I often have the feelings of being lost and over my head, though I suspect I am doing well. I keep asking for guidance and doing the next right thing. I use a lot of prayer, meditation and proceed slowly. "The life of prayer is perhaps the most mysterious dimension of all human experience. We come to be at home with a God we cannot see. We discover that it is only by giving ourselves away totally that we truly come to possess ourselves, that we are most free when most surrendered. We begin to realize that light is darkness and darkness light. We become lost in a trackless desert — and then, if we persevere despite our disorientation, we begin to realize that it is only being lost, in losing ourselves, that we are found. The whole of our life and not just our prayer life, becomes a paradox, an apparent contradiction concealing and revealing a deeper truth, because we begin to realize that we must live as we pray" (Thomas H. Green, S.J.)

I Am, explained

Yesterday I wrote of the "I am" portion of myself, the part that is connected to and part of God. That part of me has an acute awareness of worldly things and happenings but very little attachment to what goes on. When I succeed in living through that part, I have increased capabilities, joy and my life is very fulfilling. I am still exploring and expanding that. It is important to note that, as I explain in my book, everyone has that part in them. It is an expansion and development of "that small quiet voice" and if a person listens to and acts on it and it will become stronger. As the spiritual leader Sri Nisargadatta Maharaj said "Get to know that "I am" without words which arises in the morning. Knowing the Self, abiding in the Self-knowledge, is not a mere intellectual knowing. You must be that, and you should not move away from it. Remain firm." He also commented on our connection to the Absolute or God by saying: "There is only one state, not two. When the "I amness" is there, in that consciousness you will have many experiences, but the "I am" and the Absolute are not two. In the Absolute the "I amness" comes and then the experience takes place. In the Absolute there is no individuality, no memory that I am this or that, but there is continual stirring."

I Am

Several times each day, especially when being of service to another being, I become and act out of the "I am" portion of myself, that part of me that is connected to and part of God. I become filled with explosive, loving power. I like the analogy of being a drop of water in the ocean. I am the ocean and a drop at the same time. At those times, my separate self will is gone and there is only the will of God. In the words of Saint Faustina Kowalska "Neither graces, nor revelations, nor raptures, nor gifts granted to a soul make it perfect, but rather the intimate union of the soul with God. These gifts are merely ornaments of the soul, but constitute neither its essence nor its perfection. My sanctity and perfection consist in the close union of my will with the will of God. God never violates our free will. It is up to us whether we want to receive God’s grace or not. It is up to us whether we will cooperate with it or waste it."

Spiritual Growth

Today was a very mixed day in terms of my feelings. My activities were primarily ordinary. During the day I played the parts of both the actor and the observer, ending up with a feeling of gratitude for the day. I began the day with exercise, then grocery shopping and then spent most of the day cooking a large batch of tasty spaghetti sauce, all activities that challenge me physically and I am grateful I can do at all. With all of these activities I watched myself going through a mixture of feelings. For example, awareness of the risks of high speed driving, appreciation for the humor of the check out women or concern over the taste of the sauce, all very human feelings. Finally we had fewer trick-or-treaters than expected so I watched myself go through some feelings of disappointment. The path of humanity and my very human feelings is convoluted! In the words of Gilbert Kilpack; "To resign one’s self to the fact that one must travel much in the dark and be greatly sifted and tossed about is an inevitable step in the way of spiritual growth."

Thoughts

I have very little memory of my education up through the middle of high school when some teachers were creative enough to consider and explore my potential by having me teach and tutor the other students in what they wanted me to learn. Until then the teachers considered me less than average so I was bored, restless and had no interest in what they were teaching. I assumed they were right about my level of intelligence, though I also knew something was wrong with that assumption. In fairness to those early teachers, I was a stubborn, self-willed, extremely unconventional puzzlement who had no interest in showing them my potential. No-one could reach me, but then no-one tried during those years. I still tend to under-rate myself. "There are many territories of imagination and many strange regions of emotion that we may not enter without throwing our sanity into question: Until we cross some borders, we are likely to remain rational, banal, boring, bored. A major concern of any therapeutic psychology should be to help an individual lose identity." (Sam Keen and Anne Valley-Fox)

Guidance

Most commonly, when I get up in the middle of the night to pray and meditate, I ask for guidance concerning the coming day being careful to listen primarily to messages that are loving and "other" directed rather than guidance that would bolster my own ego. Jesus once said "you will know me by my fruits" and "The fruits of the Spirit have been translated as ‘love, joy, peace, kindness, goodness, trustfulness, gentleness and self-control’" (Galatians 5:23 NJB). Following such guidance will "increase the integrity of the universe", as I suggest in my book. The guidance is usually to act selflessly, lovingly and to do the next right thing. Loring comments that "It requires even more discernment to discover whether the ministry called for from a particular individual in a particular instance requires prophetic speech, humble and hidden activities, bold and dramatic action, professional service or some, novel and previously unimagined course."

Practice

When I get up in the middle of the night to pray and meditate rather than focusing on my breath in order to bring me into the present, I focus on the intense, physical sensation of unconditional love, a warm glow just below my heart center. I was shown this feeling many years ago during a near-death-experience and now carry a lesser degree of it with me during the day. At night I let the feeling grow and then use that feeling as my starting point for healing, spirit communication or just reviewing that day’s events. I consider it a gift from God, Love or the Absolute. "There are, says the saint [St. John of the Cross], encounters with God such that the devil cannot possibly counterfeit them, nor can one’s imagination create them. Some are so indelibly imprinted in the center of one’s being that they can neither be described nor forgotten."

Self Care

For the last couple of days I have been taking a break from my work with spirits in order to focus on meeting my own needs. For the last few days I have just been doing very "earthly" things like exercising, cooking, yard work and napping. That felt right and I needed a break. I have also been doing a lot of prayer, meditation and asking for guidance. The comments of Elizabeth Ostrander Sutton come to mind: "I cannot create when I choose the path that separates me from God. But when I consent, I soar for I have opened the door of creation." I continue on my path.

Perfection

I wrote yesterday about the disillusionment I typically have gone through in uncovering my own "frailties and weaknesses" followed by my joy at cherishing them as part of me. The human view is that any weakness is a sign of imperfection, that perfection means no frailties and weaknesses. I now understand that this view is flawed and that God’s view is that each of us is perfect within our own imperfections. In the words of Anthony De Mello, "God weaves perfect designs with the threads of our lives," he said. "Even with our sins. We can’t see this because we’re looking at the reverse side of the tapestry."

Awareness

For decades now I have been seeking, learning and growing, quite a process. In most (all?) cases I go through idealized ideas toward disillusion, increased awareness and joy. I had an idealized view of what it was to be human and Charlie followed by introspection, alcoholism, disability and, finally, joy and fulfillment. During my path I stumbled across numerous frailties and weaknesses that I now cherish as parts of me. I have gone through a similar process and sequence with my beliefs about Native Americans, believing them to be very spiritual, discovering their humanness and coming to embrace the whole picture. I am now going through the same process regarding the world of spirits. "Jesus said, ‘Let the one who seeks not stop seeking until he finds. When he finds he will become troubled; when he becomes troubled, he will be astonished and will rule over all things.’" (gospel of Thomas)

Solution?

Yesterday I wrote about Parker J. Palmer’s comment in Healing The Heart Of Democracy: The Courage To Create a Politics Worthy of the Human Spirit that it is important to resolve the tension or conflict inherent in the democratic process with heart or love. He also quotes Benjamin Friedman as saying "When material progress falters........people become more jealous of their status relative to others. Anti-immigrant sentiment typically increases, as does conflict between races and classes; concern for the poor tends to decline." Well, material progress has faltered and Friedman’s words have come true. I believe that the solution to this situation is something like the spiritual and loving approach I write about in my book, Three Simple Questions: Being in the World, But Not of It and I will do what I can to promote it.

Resolving Conflict

Today I met with a reading group I belong to. We are reading Healing The Heart Of Democracy: The Courage To Create a Politics Worthy of the Human Spirit, by Parker J. Palmer. He writes about the importance of resolving tension or conflict with "heart" or, I would say, with love and I agree. I readily admit that resolving tension in this way requires effort, focus and attention but it also results in joy and, often, togetherness. As Williamson points out "God never loses His enthusiasm for life and neither should we." She also comments about resolving tension in this way when she writes "Seeing the light and then living in the light, we will ultimately become masters at the power it bestows."

Staying In the Present

Tonight the topic in my recovery meeting was "letting go" and I commented that "letting go [of outcomes] allows me to be in the present which is where I meet God, just wonderful". The fact is that I am responsible for what I say and do - the rest is up to Love, God, the universe or whatever a person chooses to call the presence that one encounters by staying in the present and that is a wonderful experience. Using the words of Gilbert Kilpack; "And though ideas such as these may seem unimportant in our bustling world, the testimony of seekers after life in all ages is that nothing is so important as the completion of our half-lives, the God-filling of our void." He and others use the word "God" but it is my understanding that the choice of words is not important - the feeling is.

Listening

Today I had the honor of listening to someone’s life story as part of his recovery process so through my listening I had an empathic, understanding, compassionate connection with him that lasted about four hours, exhilarating and exhausting. Such a connection requires that I put any concerns of self aside for a time and focus on the other person. I make similar connections by phone or in person several times a week. I have not been able to make strong connections through electronic means like e-mail or Facebook. "Listening is a far more difficult process than most people imagine; really to listen in the way that is meant by the masters is to let go utterly of ourselves, to let go of all the information, all of the concepts, all the ideas and all the prejudices that our heads are stuffed with." (Sogyal Rinpoche)

Holistic Practice

I lead a very holistic life for my own physical healing or maintenance as well as life in general. I don’t participate in many distractions like TV, technological toys, drugs or alcohol. I am, for the most part, physically unable to participate in most fun activities that involve any coordinated movement, which seems OK. I do attend several weekly recovery meetings and a wellness group. I do a lot of prayer and meditation, exercise often and eat carefully. To round things out I work in the garden and cook. It’s a very fulfilling and busy life. In the words of Patricia Loring "To undertake to live a discerned life, to endeavor daily to be attuned to authentic movements of the Spirit leading us into greater fullness of life, is a strenuous undertaking."

Love

In the Dhammapada the Buddha teaches that in this world hate never dispels hate. Only love dispels hate. This is also expressed in the Quaker and other traditions. I would add that love dispels or alleviates pain, fear and hurt as well. I, often find it necessary to have very firm boundaries in saying "no" or "you cannot do that here" but to do so in a loving, understanding and compassionate way, a difficult but important combination. As I commented a couple of days ago and is well written by Patricia Loring "We can cultivate an environment among us which will foster one another’s spiritual growth by directing and redirecting intention and attention to God; by discouraging what draws us away; by loving support for each other in the vicissitudes of our utterly human lives; by respecting and cherishing the uniqueness of each life."

Symptoms 2

Yesterday I wrote about some superficial signs of an underlying problem in this and other cultures, specifically racism, global warming, obesity, the opiate epidemic and others. It is first necessary to become aware that these are the symptoms of an underlying problem, not just problems themselves. In my book I suggest a loving spiritual solution, which worked in my case and required a life-style change as well as some discipline. However, I was not interested in pursuing any sort of life-style change until my life choices became very unpleasant, until I knew my life was not working. Fortunately, I had some guidance and the freedom to choose differently. "These chapters [1^st 3 of Genesis] tell a story, and through that story is revealed the agonizing discovery of our human freedom— our freedom to choose between god and evil, and not only freedom to choose but the imperative laid upon us to choose the good daily, or inevitably fall into evil."

Symptoms

There are several issues in the world today which appear to be symptoms of deeper problems and the, understandable, tendency is to attempt to address the symptoms as the problems. That approach is, obviously, not working. The problems I am referring to include racism, global warming, obesity, the opiate epidemic and others. I cannot say for certain what the solution is. However, promoting a life-style change toward something like what I suggest in my book, Three Simple Questions: Being in the World, But Not of It, would alleviate all of the symptoms - that worked for me! Well written by Patricia Loring "We can cultivate an environment among us which will foster one another’s spiritual growth by directing and redirecting intention and attention to God; by discouraging what draws us away; by loving support for each other in the vicissitudes of our utterly human lives; by respecting and cherishing the uniqueness of each life."

Spreading Love

In my life and on a broader scale, historically, with rare exceptions, behaviors stemming from anger, hate and violence lead to more anger, hate and violence. I read the paper and listen to news reports about anger, hate and violence all over the world, including many attitudes and issues in this country. My method of dealing with that is to observe it and spread Love and Light at every opportunity. Spreading love, is very enjoyable, feels right and has miraculous results. "In the Dhammapada he [the Buddha] teaches that in this world hate never dispels hate. Only love dispels hate."

Trials

Today I was feeling a lot of gratitude for the spiritual and emotional growth resulting from the numerous trials and challenges I have dealt with in the last few decades and the person I am today. The challenges include, particularly, my relationship with Maria, my wife, my sweat lodge experiences and my dealing with my disability. Each of them has provided me with spiritual and emotional challenges which ultimately required spiritual solutions and actions resulting in a very fulfilling life. As St. John of the Cross says of such spiritual touches " The delights they engender more than compensate for all the trials suffered in life, even though innumerable"

Presence

Tonight it is raining hard, not storming but I can certainly feel the presence and the power of nature/God when I sit in silence and the dark. Tonight reminded me of sitting in the dark in Flagstaff, AZ and listening to the baby elk outside calling for its mother. My concept of God has expanded from nothing at all to a judgmental being to something loving, ineffable and all inclusive. As I indicate in my book and website, I have explored and practiced numerous traditions and religions and now realize that they are all talking about the same thing from slightly different angles and using different words. In the sweat lodge I used to pray to "He who has no name and all names". I am reminded of the beautiful words written by Valerie Brown "The God of my childhood has given way to the God of my womanhood, a God of many names----Allah, Shiva, Great Spirit, Lord Krishna, Lord Buddha, Yahweh. This is the God who is present in the tiniest acorn and the vastest ocean."

Being Open

During several of my conversations today I was reminded that human beings, particularly males, like to believe that they are "in charge" or control the events in their lives. Spiritual leaders have long realized that it is important to realize they are not in charge in order to be open to whatever happens. I believed I was in charge until my life was turned upside down repeatedly. I then decided, reluctantly at first, to give up attempts to control, to enjoy the ride and be open to the many gifts of being open. As Kornfield wrote in ‘93 "To love fully and live well requires us to recognize finally that we do not possess or own anything---our homes, our cars, our loved ones, not even our own body. Spiritual joy and wisdom do not come through possession but rather through our capacity to open, to love more fully, and to move and be free in life."

Dawn Ceremony

Every morning shortly after dawn, in my backyard, I do a "dawn ceremony" in which I bless this area , its plants and birds and express gratitude and love for the coming day. The ceremony I do is simple, only involving me and my thoughts. My wife does a ceremony as well but hers includes feathers and herbs. This morning was special since the sky was adding gentle, life giving rain. The morning smells are wonderful and it’s a good way to sense the changing seasons. "According to Thomas, Jesus says that this primordial light not only brought the entire universe into being but still shines through everything we see and touch."

Practicing I Am

Conducting my life using the "I am" sense I talked about yesterday, my internal god-sense, is an exhilarating and powerful experience, but it is also very easy for me to lose track of. In today’s world behaving through that part requires that I stay humble and focused on the absolute, loving force I call God. For some reason I find it easy to become distracted and absorbed by my daily activities. My staying focused is aided by having a period of sacred time in the morning and then throughout the day. As Seeger points out "From everywhere, it seems, we are bombarded with the idea that our nature is innately violent, that our chief preoccupation is with our sexuality, and that our main purpose in life is the acquirement of ever more nifty possessions.......Indeed, if is only through the practice of inner silence that we can begin to disentangle ourselves from our culture and its illusions.

I Am

During my meditation a few years back, though I did not know what to call that part of me, I encountered a part or sense of self which was free of the encumbrances of the ego or this physical body, a part that was "with" God and was eternal. The experience was and is memorable and exhilarating. I then discovered that a Hindu spiritual leader named Sri Nisargadatta Maharaj had very nicely described the same "There is only one state, not two. When the "I amness" is there, in that consciousness you will have many experiences, but the "I am" and the Absolute are not two. In the Absolute the "I amness" comes and then the experience takes place. In the Absolute there is no individuality, no memory that I am this or that, but there is continual stirring." Since then I have learned to return to, identify with and carry that part in my daily activities. Recently I also found out that Jesus referred to that part in the gospel of Thomas "[Jesus said,] ‘Blessed is the one who came into being before he came into being.’"

Kingdom Of God

To me, the main important take home message from my comments of the last few days and life experience in general is that the "kingdom of God" is available to all, if one is open to it, will allow it and strive for it. The words used, the religion or spiritual path used or the belief system employed make little or no difference as long as they lead to service, compassion and love. The unconditional love of that force is there waiting for us. For me, this was a glorious realization. "The kingdom of God is not coming with signs that can be observed, nor will they say; ‘Look here it is!’ or ‘There it is!’ for the kingdom of God is within you." (gospel of Luke)

God's Love

Looking back I can see that many of my choices have been guided and that I have been protected from potentially dire consequences during times that I denied and did not believe in anything of a spiritual nature. For example at sixteen I rolled a car into a stream bed and was ejected over the steering wheel and through where the windshield had been, then landed on my face about twenty feet away with only cuts and bruises. A few years later I drove across the country in a car that, according to knowledgeable mechanics, should not have mad it. I drove through the Rockies on roads that were unknowingly closed and parked on slopes so I could start my car in the morning. At one point I even pulled into a gas station that was closed for the winter on a closed road at two or three in the morning and the owner happened to be there and gave me gas. Much later in my life right after my diagnosis I became severely depressed and drove my car across busy, fast moving traffic not caring if I lived or died. I realized quickly that I was done living and was then moved to safety. These are only a few examples but are more than luck. My point is that even when I was on a dark path and either denied or did not believe in anything, I was being cared for and protected by the force I denied.

Choices

I wrote yesterday about the unconditional Love of God especially toward the "silly" choices we make, as humans. By silly I am referring to choices that are short-term, self-destructive, hurt others or hurt this planet that we depend on. I have personally made many such choices, always in an effort to feel better about myself. I knew no better and like a growing child, was simply doing my best. I now realize that is part of the human experience and help guide others through the process, much the way I have been guided. "We can cultivate an environment among us which will foster one another’s spiritual growth by directing and redirecting intention and attention to God; by discouraging what draws us away; by loving support for each other in the vicissitudes of our utterly human lives; by respecting and cherishing the uniqueness of each life." (Patricia Loring)

God

The God I know and connect with through prayer and meditation every morning is a loving force that I can channel and use in my daily life, as long as I stay humble. He/she/it is absolute, unconditional and thoroughly embraces the human experience. Absolute meaning there is only Love there, no judgment, criticism or condemnation. Unconditional meaning just that, everything is witnessed through the lense of Love. Embracing the human experience meaning having Love, understanding and compassion when humans make silly choices because of free will. That force gives me daily support and guidance as long as I get silent and listen. "According to Thomas, Jesus says that this primordial light not only brought the entire universe into being but still shines through everything we see and touch."

Ministry

Maria, my wife, and I moved from AZ to MD as part of our effort to change things in the manner I mentioned yesterday. We felt a "calling" to do so. I have been spreading love and peace in the meetings I attend and with everyone I meet or work with. Today through meditation and visualization I attempted to expand the umbrellas of loving energy around this house and the Friend’s meeting house. That action feels like the right path for my ministry right now. "It requires even more discernment to discover whether the ministry called for from a particular individual in a particular instance requires prophetic speech, humble and hidden activities, bold and dramatic action, professional service or some ,novel and previously unimagined course."

Loving Action

Today I kept reflecting on the words of Gilbert Kilpack when he wrote "We want to be spiritually alive, but also to be comfortable; to be prayerful, but not to rise early in the morning to pray; to possess power to lead, but not to undergo the discipline that it takes to control the power", which was originally written about Quakers but generally applies to most people. I would like to see some changes in the ways we treat each other (more compassion, respect and understanding) and this planet (less destruction and more sustainable practices). These changes would require that people be a bit less comfortable and more disciplined, hard choices to make. The love, compassion and understanding of a few can have an effect on many and that is the only thing I have experienced that will bring about those changes. I can and will do that.

Practice

It is now twelve forty-five in the morning - the bare beginning of a new day when I pray, meditate and review the previous day. I sift through the previous day feeling for spiritual highlights to write about in this blog and frequently get guidance about my life in general or the coming day. Today, this is a time to write about my practice and how grateful I am for the time. This is a sacred time, a quiet time to listen, write, pray and meditate. For me it just happens, I never set an alarm and I look forward to it. I frequently think of the words from the book of Wisdom "When a peaceful silence lay over all, and the night had run half of her swift course, down from the heavens, from the royal throne, leapt your all powerful word."

Paradox

I have lived much of my life following a path full of loud entertainment, instant gratification, distractions of all sorts, money-power-prestige and self-interest. That life looked good on the surface but underneath it left a feeling of a void, which I then attempted to fill with drugs and alcohol. I finally surrendered and admitted that my life was not working. I began leading a life of love and service to others which resulted in a feeling of fulfillment and the void going away. "To get we must also give, to advance we must also surrender, to gain we must lose, to attain we must resign. From the nature of things life means choice and selection, and every positive choice negates all other possibilities." (Rufus Jones)

God Seed

I disturbs that within most religions and also within this culture humans are spoken of as "pitiful sinners", which they are not. We certainly have an often violent and destructive side. However, as I describe in my book, we also have the God or love seed, a good side, that, if nurtured, can produce wonderful, powerful things. That conflict and choice is part of the joy of being alive, Gilbert Kilpack is writing about that when he writes "Man is separated from God, but secretly united to God; that is the prime fact of life, and all things in all creation speak of this separation, this incompleteness which has infected all." As he also point out nurturing that seed requires discipline and practice. "Yet, feverishly and systematically, we turn ourselves from facing up to it."

Internal Conflict

I have been reading Our Hearts Are Restless, by Gilbert Kilpack. He makes the point that "We want to be spiritually alive, but also to be comfortable; to be prayerful, but not to rise early in the morning to pray; to possess power to lead, but not to undergo the discipline that it takes to control the power." And I agree with that statement, but he and several other spiritual leaders also view this condition as unfortunate, a negative aspect, and I don’t agree with that. It’s certainly true that this condition is a conflict, a source of tension. However, resolution of conflict is part of the joy of life and Spirit, whatever you choose to call it, knows and appreciates that. In the recovery meetings I attend people openly admire my spiritual achievements and would like to have the same, but without the physical pain I have had and without doing the things I do - so would I! We all find our own way of answering the conflict.

Decisions

I would like to see political decisions made that reflect love, compassion, understanding and inclusiveness. Decisions that, as my book suggests, "add to the integrity of the universe". At this point it seems that decisions are being made based on ego and power. As was pointed out by C.G. Jung "Where love rules, there is no will to power; and where power predominates, there love is lacking. The one is the shadow of the other." In my opinion, such decisions would promote the welfare of people in this country and enhance our standing in the world.

Recovery

In my recovery meeting tonight we primarily talked about one of the guidelines we follow in the recovery process, making amends. That part of the meeting was good but it also lacked the feelings of passion, love and support that is often present when people bring up the day-to-day issues they are wrestling with, "the vicissitudes of our utterly human lives". Then one person brought up an issue and the feeling of the meeting immediately shifted to love and support. Both themes are necessary in the recovery process, guidelines within an environment of loving support. "We can cultivate an environment among us which will foster one another’s spiritual growth by directing and redirecting intention and attention to God; by discouraging what draws us away; by loving support for each other in the vicissitudes of our utterly human lives; by respecting and cherishing the uniqueness of each life." (Loring)

Choice

Personally I am now ready and willing to turn away from worldly distractions and the pursuit of "money, power and prestige" in favor of living a life of service, compassion and Love. I make this choice having lived many years attempting to find fulfillment in the more worldly pursuits and finding them lacking. I made an exhaustive attempt which was an important and critical part of my path. Most people in this culture are not yet done with the worldly pursuits and it is important for me to realize that is just fine - perfect in fact! Some people feel bad that they choose the dark rather than the light and my advice to them is "don’t feel bad just enjoy your choice". "I [George Fox] saw the infinite love of God. I saw that there was an ocean of darkness and death, but an infinite ocean of light and love which flowed over the ocean of darkness."

Choice

At least once a day in the early morning and often several times during the day I am faced with a choice between acting in accordance with that "small quiet voice", that of God/love, or some worldly alternative. The small quiet voice almost always would have my actions be other directed, selfless and loving. These are actions that are long term, very fulfilling and ones that "increase the integrity of the universe". The alternatives are generally self directed, ego driven and instantly or quickly gratifying. At this point in life I usually choose the loving option. When I was young I usually chose the alternative and did not listen to the small quiet voice. "From everywhere, it seems, we are bombarded with the idea that our nature is innately violent, that our chief preoccupation is with our sexuality, and that our main purpose in life is the acquirement of ever more nifty possessions.......Indeed, if is only through the practice of inner silence that we can begin to disentangle ourselves from our culture and its illusions."

Self-Examination

I have done a great deal of self-examination through journaling, attending workshops, contemplation and taking several, personal, in-depth inventories and I have learned to love and respect all of the person I found - me. I spent many years of my life trying to "hide" from my shadow side, the hurt, angry, antisocial part of myself, pretending it was not there - an exhausting and unsuccessful effort. I do not like my shadow side, but I do love and respect it. That part of me is still there, and shows its face occasionally but I choose not to act on it. "Jesus said, ‘Let the one who seeks not stop seeking until he finds. When he finds he will become troubled; when he becomes troubled, he will be astonished and will rule over all things.’" from the gospel of Thomas.

Belief

I am in no way "worthy" and I intentionally follow no creed and yet I have been granted many spiritual gifts, not the least being that I am still alive, functioning at a high level and have a life full of joy, peace and love. Tonight my wife even referred to me as a "bad boy, turned good". I have done many antisocial things and spent much of my life being self-centered and unpleasant. I now lead a life that is focused on being of service to others and have a very strong, mystical connection to the force or power I call God. I have learned that the words used and the creed followed are human in origin and make little or no difference. The present life lived does matter. "The fruits of the Spirit have been translated as ‘love, joy, peace, kindness, goodness, trustfulness, gentleness and self-control’" (Galatians 5:23 NJB)

Staying On Track 2

I keep in mind the words of Seeger when he wrote "It [inner silence] is to establish an inner peace, an inner harmony, which will allow us authentically to contribute to the establishment of an outer peace and an outer harmony in the world at large." I maintain my feeling of love and inner harmony through my daily practices of exercise, self-care, service work, spiritual reading, journaling and meditation. I also minimize activities that disrupt that harmony like TV, excessive caffeine, news reports and politics. I enjoy the resulting feeling!

Staying On Track

I have found repeatedly over time that I have a very strong acquisitive nature and that tendency, if indulged, will immediately override and obliterate any strong spiritual connection. It is amazing and amusing how quickly thoughts of acquiring some new toy or even a refrigerator or car can sweep me away into fantasy land and away from the present or spiritual connection! This is on my mind since today was a celebration by the Friend’s of their fancy, new community house. In my view the building is fancier and more elaborate than what was needed and a distraction from their primary spiritual aim. "while speaking of St. Augustine and his views on detachment, he says ‘we cannot serve two masters. But a man does try to serve two masters if he seeks both the kingdom of God for the great good it is and those other temporal things.’"

Choice

I work with a number of people as either some sort of mentor or spiritual director and I always attempt to address them from a position of love, seeking only the best for them with no anger or selfish motive. On those (rare?) occasions when I do sense some sort of ulterior or selfish motive within myself, I remain silent since I wish to do no harm. I need to always keep in mind that whatever path a person chooses (consciously or unconsciously) to take is the right one for them, and love them regardless. In the words of De Mello "God weaves perfect designs with the threads of our lives," he said. "Even with our sins. We can’t see this because we’re looking at the reverse side of the tapestry."

Growth

This evening I have been asking myself "what have you done and not done recently in order to grow and change spiritually and emotionally", taking a personal inventory. I am aware that my tendency is to stay within my comfort zone and not change much. Recently my working with spirits, my interactions with the medical community and my understanding of the human condition have all moved me out of my comfort zone and caused change. I will continue to expand and explore my role with each of these and keep open to there being more. "To undertake to live a discerned life, to endeavor daily to be attuned to authentic movements of the Spirit leading us into greater fullness of life, is a strenuous undertaking."

Beaming Love 2

Yesterday I described an encounter I had in the grocery store and the power of beaming love at someone. I do the same when in meetings, talking to people, working in the garden or grocery shopping and the action has similar and remarkable effects. For me, it is part of walking around in a bubble of love and the action has a profound impact, particularly for those open to it but even with those who are not. In the words of Claremont deCastillejo "For there to be a meeting, it seems as though a third, a something else, is always present. You may call it Love, or the Holy Spirit. Jungians would say that it is the presence of the Self. If this 'Other' is present, there cannot have failed to be a meeting." It is also important for me to remember what she went on to write, that "Great deeds can only be achieved when we are more than our little selves. When we are lent wings we should not reject them."

Beaming Love

While traveling through the store aisles and gathering my groceries today I kept passing a very young Indian woman and her young son. They were both charming in appearance and, without even thinking about it, I beamed love at them. She immediately responded with a smile and then told her boy to say "hi", which he did. Later in the parking garage as I was preparing to leave, they passed my car and waved good bye. This was a wonderful experience during a routine activity. "It [inner silence] is to establish an inner peace, an inner harmony, which will allow us authentically to contribute to the establishment of an outer peace and an outer harmony in the world at large." (Seeger)

God

Using the daily practices I outline in my book I have encountered a loving and powerful force that I call God. Having opened myself to that power, I now feel it and live within it all the time. I believe (know?) it is the Kingdom that Jesus spoke of. In the words of Pagels "Yet I sometimes encountered, in churches and elsewhere—in the presence of a venerable Buddhist monk, in the cantor’s singing at a bar mitzvah, and on mountain hikes—something compelling, powerful, even terrifying that I could not ignore, and I had come to see that, besides belief, [any spiritual path] Christianity involves practice—and paths toward transformation."

Perspective

Today during a conversation with someone who feels greatly disturbed over the way we are treating each other and this planet, I found myself acknowledging the unpleasant actions and saying they are both terrible and wonderful. I cannot say that I truly understand why they are both terrible and wonderful, but I could and can feel the truth of the statement. Meditating on the paradox it occurs to me that temporally the actions often cause difficulties or death, the termination of earthly existence. From an eternal perspective, life is very short and death matters little, while the growth and learning resulting from such actions bring us closer to understanding love and connection. In the words of Walsch "If you believe the noises of the world rather than the silences of your soul, you will be lost."

Presence

Today I had just finished mowing a good part of our backyard, was winding up the extension cord I use for the mower and I gazed at our yard and beyond feeling the gratitude, amazement and presence I often feel at such times. There was a fledgling red-bellied woodpecker at our feeder, two large willow oaks and two red maples in our own yard. Also within view were a sweet-gum, several maples of various kinds, a couple of black-walnuts and lots of undergrowth. The temperature was around seventy and everything was vibrant and moist, quite a sight. In the words of Jesus according to the Tomas gospel "this primordial light not only brought the entire universe into being but still shines through everything we see and touch."

Love

Today I attended a recovery meeting which I have been to twice before so it is relatively new for me. In this meeting I have encountered the love, support and spirituality I have been looking for and am comfortable with. So far they talk about the whole range of human emotions from gratitude to anger and empathy to distrust, all with soft, loving laughter at the silliness of it all, very refreshing. Personally, I enjoy being human while also finding the situation silly and Love it all. In the words of Walsch "So, too, is love not the absence of an emotion (hatred, anger, lust, jealousy, covetousness), but the summation of all feeling. It is the sum total. The aggregate amount. The everything."

Gratitude

Today I just feel very grateful that I am able to perform life’s daily activities and feel no need to participate in the many potential distractions. I exercised, fed the birds, went grocery shopping, mowed some lawn and fixed a delicious dinner of oven-roasted veggies, all relatively mundane activities but I could do them and in the past I could not. Conditions could be a lot worse - they have been and may be in the future. The present is pleasant and for that I am grateful.

Near Death Experience

I was the main focus and leader of an overwhelmingly loving, healing, wellness group today, a powerful session. We talked about death and dying, though not the way those topics are commonly talked about. We did mention the normal fears of the unknown frequently felt leading up to death. We then talked of my own "near death experience" and the extreme Love and well-being I encountered on "the other side" of my brief death experience, with the suggestion that is what death feels like. My N.D.E. happened eleven years ago and I still carry the feeling with me. As St John of the Cross said "There are encounters with God such that the devil cannot possibly counterfeit them, nor can one’s imagination create them. Some are so indelibly imprinted in the center of one’s being that they can neither be described nor forgotten."

Life

Looking over my past posts it’s striking how much my feelings vary from day to day. Today I feel dissatisfied and want more of everything in my life - which seems to be part of my nature as a recovering person. I have three files of spiritual quotes, about sixteen pages each, that I go through daily in order to experience the life I talk about in these blogs. They help keep me on track. Today I especially need to be reminded of the words of Claremont deCastillejo from years ago: "We have forgotten how to allow. The essence of the Rainmaker is that he knows how to allow. The Rainmaker walks in the middle of the road, neither held back by the past nor hurrying towards the future, neither lured to the right nor to the left, but allowing the past and the future, the outer world of the right and the inner images of the left all to play upon him while he attends, no more than attends, to the living moment in which these forces meet.

In those rare moments when all the opposites meet within a man, good and also evil, light and also darkness, spirit and also body, brain and also heart, masculine focused consciousness and at the same time feminine diffuse awareness, wisdom of maturity and childlike wonder; when all are allowed and none displaces any other in the mind of a man, then that man, though he may utter no word is in an attitude of prayer. Whether he knows it or not his own receptive allowing will affect all those around him; rain will fall on the parched fields, and tears will turn bitter grief to flowering sorrow, while stricken children dry their eyes and laugh." I selected the "rainmaker ideal" as a goal many years ago and I feel more at peace being reminded. Time to meditate.

Perspective

I can feel the burning nuclear furnace of Love/God around my heart center directing me to be of service and to spread the words of Love, healing, peace and well being, a wonderful feeling. It’s not that I do not have the normal, self-centered thoughts and fears I grew up with - I do. Those thoughts and fears just do not seem very compelling or important to me now. I am also very aware of other more public concerns such as our political situation or Houston, but know that somehow things are for the best. I like the words written by Stephen Mitchell in The Gospel According to Jesus: "‘Blessed are the pure in heart, for they already see God.’ Seeing God means they have died to self, since ‘no one can see God and live’ (Exodus 33:12). Not that selfish concerns don’t arise for them; but they aren’t attached to these concerns; they have no self for selfishness to stick to; hence they can be carried along in the clear current of what is."

Life Of Prayer

Today I felt emotionally and spiritually lost with no familiar landmarks which, this evening, I am at peace with and feel good about since the feeling reflects my growth. Earlier today I just felt lost. I have put aside the familiar material landmarks like job completion and acknowledgment in order to explore the "unknown and unknowable". I need to recall the words of Thomas H. Green: "The life of prayer is perhaps the most mysterious dimension of all human experience. We come to be at home with a God we cannot see. We discover that it is only by giving ourselves away totally that we truly come to possess ourselves, that we are most free when most surrendered. We begin to realize that light is darkness and darkness light. We become lost in a trackless desert — and then, if we persevere despite our disorientation, we begin to realize that it is only being lost, in losing ourselves, that we are found. The whole of our life and not just our prayer life, becomes a paradox, an apparent contradiction concealing and revealing a deeper truth, because we begin to realize that we must live as we pray"

Perspective

At our bird feeder we get a young cowbird that acts like a baby, wanting to be fed by its adoptive parent, an adult chipping sparrow. In this case the "baby" bird being fed is much larger than the adult feeding it, a strange sight. Cowbirds are "social parasites", laying their eggs in the nests of other birds, their hosts. The hatchling cowbirds then take over the nest by aggressively getting rid of any competing young or eggs and taking advantage of the parental instincts of the adults. On the one hand this situation can be viewed as a disturbing ethical breech. The situation can also be seen as a delightful example of the vitality and persistence of life. Both views are quite accurate and I prefer to have both views. "Jesus said, ‘I am the light which is before all things. It is I who am all things. From me all things came forth, and to me all things extend. Split a piece of wood, and I am there; lift up the stone, and you will find me.’" (the gospel of Thomas)

God

During days like today I actually have an impulse to hug and kiss many of the people I interact with, particularly those I know well. The feeling is totally innocent, stemming from an inner furnace of affection and love. I enjoy the impulse though I generally do not act on it since it would not be seen as proper. I actually feel that furnace most strongly during the silent meditation in the middle of the night and realize it comes from the force I call God. It is a powerful and very healing feeling. "It [inner silence] is to establish an inner peace, an inner harmony, which will allow us authentically to contribute to the establishment of an outer peace and an outer harmony in the world at large." (Seeger)

Service Work

With my interactions of late, whether recovery or health related, I am aware that is when I feel the strongest Love, connection and presence. That is also when I feel the strongest support and guidance, all of which make my life very rich and fulfilling. "In the ancient system of yoga, serving others and the renewal of the server are not two separate processes, but a single, indivisible one." I do not know how true this is of others but as long as I continue to lead a life which is focused on being of service to others, I do not experience any "dry" spiritual times, periods when I feel no connection.

Discernment

I lead a life based on Love and being of service, relying on the comment by Jesus that "you will know me by my fruits" rather than the dogma or guidance of any sort of religious practice. The "fruits" I look for include; "love, joy, peace, kindness, goodness, trustfulness, gentleness and self-control" (Galatians 5:23). I do not participate in self-serving, self-centered or other activities that do not feel right and I have been granted the gift of discernment. I have to pay attention and listen also using the three questions that are the central focus of my book. In the words of Patricia Loring "To undertake to live a discerned life, to endeavor daily to be attuned to authentic movements of the Spirit leading us into greater fullness of life, is a strenuous undertaking." It is also well worth the effort.

I am

Through the process of meditation I have discovered a very loving, constructive and powerful Self or sense of "I am" which also seems to be allied with or part of the force I have come to know as God. I have encountered the same Self within recovering addicts I have worked with and believe that Self is part of all of us. That self is capable of wonderful and very healing actions. "Get to know that "I am" without words which arises in the morning. Knowing the Self, abiding in the Self-knowledge, is not a mere intellectual knowing. You must be that, and you should not move away from it. Remain firm." (Sri Nisargadatta Maharaj). I believe that Self is what Jesus was talking about when he said "Blessed is the one who came into being before he came into being."

Special Sensitivity

Yesterday I was talking to someone about, what I call, their "special sensitivity" to the unseen world. The sorts of feelings or sensations that dogs and some people sense and react to, like energy fields, presence, negative/evil forces, love or spirits. In my case my sensitivity now includes all of the above but began with the negative. I have also witnessed dogs, cats and very young children reacting to the unseen. Partly because of this sensitivity my world is incredibly rich and my daily interactions are very fulfilling. In the words of Walsch "Once you’ve had such a magnificent experience, it can be very difficult to go back to "real life" in a way that blends well with what other people are calling "reality". That is because your reality has shifted. It has become something else. It has expanded, grown. And it cannot be shrunk again. It’s like trying to get the genie back in the bottle. It can’t be done."

Love

In my recovery meeting today the main theme was mistakes or failure and it was clear that most of the members feel they make mistakes and continue to strive for the human concept of perfection. I also heard a lot of the gentle, loving laughter that I apply to myself whenever these or other very human, normal, critical thoughts pop up in my mind. The laughter is one of fondness and recognition, and it helps me not take such thoughts seriously. My mystical connection tells me that spiritually we are all perfect in our imperfection and that failure does not exist - those human concepts do not exist within the Love I find there. In the words of Walsch "1. God needs nothing. 2. God cannot fail, and neither can you. 3. Nothing is separate from anything. 4. There is enough. 5. There is nothing you have to do. 6. You will never be judged.  7. You will never be condemned. 8. Love knows no condition. 9. A thing cannot be superior to itself. 10. You already know all of this."