Listening

  Today I have been reflecting on the importance of listening or what is commonly called deep listening to all people and everything else.  I Have found over and over again with living people, spirits, plants and dog spirits that one of the most important things I can do is listen.  Listening provides a strong foundation so that we can do whatever we are called to do.  I listen with respect and love for the entity I am communicating with.  My belief is usually they have something of importance about their situation I need to hear if I am going to be of any significance to them.  They often have something important for me to hear, which I have learned from several people who get overlooked or dismissed.  Traditionally, I have been one of those people since I am very different and do not speak clearly.  I have something to say for those who will listen.

Healing

  This is another event that could not have happened, but did and the only reason I know it was real  is I recall clearly how it felt ... the power of it.  I have accessed and used that healing power many times.  I use a shadow of that power daily for my own healing.  I can access that power and use it but it is not mine. Quit a gift.

It was around the year 2000 while guiding sweat lodges and living in Flagstaff, AZ.  I was guiding myself and three others through the last of the third round in our small Navajo style lodge.  One large round stone was brought in and it rolled out of the pit in my direction, splitting open to reveal its bright red interior.  In the process of trying to get out of its way, I put my hand on the exposed red part. The lodge was quickly filled with the sizzling sound and the smell of burning flesh.  I must have been in some sort of trance because I felt no pain.  I simply told them it would be OK and to close the door for the last round.  I could feel the power of healing during that round and when the round was over my hand was healed ... not even a scar.  I needed to know that feeling and have used it since.

Spirits

  During a winter several years ago (1996?) I was in a Flagstaff neighborhood changing into my sweat duds prior to a lodge.  Just before the lodge a young native with long, flowing black hair, buckskin pants and bare feet showed up.  We acknowledged each other, but did not talk.  He sat next to me in the lodge.  When it came time for him to pray, I waited but he was no longer there ... only an empty space.

That was my first visitation by a spirit and it really shocked me since I was a “regular whiteboy” at that time, Since then I have been visited several times and rather than being freaked out, I enjoy the energetic feeling.  I particularly enjoy sitting with spirits and/or living people and broadcasting the feeling of love, peace, God and harmony. Doing that several times a week changes my focus.

Sitting With a Plant

  The other day one of our rhododendrons was showing wilted leaves which we took as sign of being infected with a fungus so I decided to go sit with it.  As usual I asked for guidance and also asked the surrounding plants to join us along with my wife.  It turns out that most plants really like the sense of community.  It turned out that the plant was infected and close to death.  The fungus was accustomed to being alone and not familiar with the feeling of community so I was able to show it how community felt.  The rhododendron and the fungus negotiated and I listened along with Maria and the rest of the community.  It was an energetically stirring event.  The fungus chose to back off but the plant died.  I was reminded of my own personal struggles to choose the very difficult path of staying alive.

Working With Others

  I work with several people over the phone each week as spiritual mentor or sponsor.  I also communicate with people, plants or animals during and between my various recovery meetings.  Prior to and often during each of those encounters I ask the Universe/God or whatever for support and guidance.  If I focus, listen and feel the connection, it is quite an experience.  It feels very energetic and I frequently use the term “buzzing” to describe it.  Of course that could all be my imagination — but I get good results.  It works so I suspect there is something real there.  This process is also spiritually nourishing for me, so I continue.

Synchronicity?

  In 1995, shortly after moving to Flagstaff, I was getting to know the Sundance/sweat lodge community and was invited to sit in the arbor for the coming Sundance.  My wife made it quite clear that she did not approve of the Sundance or my interest in that direction.  Not wishing to offend anyone or cause a problem, I asked the Universe for support and guidance.

A few days later I was sitting in my office and my secretary came back to tell me that there was a man out front who wished to speak to me.  She then brought back a dark skinned, very interesting looking young man.  I asked how I could help him and he told me that he had just come from California and that his name was Charlie Horton.  He said that he was walking through Flagstaff when he saw my plaque out front and decided to come in since we had the same name.  I then asked what he was doing in Flagstaff and he told me he was on the way to the Sundance!  I took that as a clear directive that I should attend the Sundance so I did.

While sitting in the arbor, I was invited by Charlie and other dancers to come forward and be blessed.  They stroked my head, shoulders and heart area with eagle feathers while chanting and dancing ... very moving.  I then returned to my seat in the arbor. While sitting there I very clearly felt someone or something stroking the top of my bald head with what felt like an eagle feather.  Assuming it was just a kid or someone behind me, I brushed them away.  This happened three more times and on the last time I turned around to find no-one there.  It was then I realized I was being blessed by the spirits ... also very moving.

When this happened I was left with the question of whether these events were evidence of a higher, guiding and loving consciousness or synchronicity and active imagination.  I chose to believe the former and since then, similar sequences have happened so many times that I am comfortable with that choice.

Space/time

  In 1988 I was diagnosed with cerebellar degeneration, a diagnosis I thought to be terminal since I was told “You will never get better and will probably continue to get worse’.  According to my research the expected outcome for someone in my condition was death after 2-5 years.

Shortly after my diagnosis I was leaving an occupational therapy appointment and feeling depressed.  I drove right into traffic on to a four lane road without hesitation, looking or caring.  I was planning to cross over to the furthest lane.  When I looked up, there were three cars about to hit me all going around 45 miles per hour, the closest being 15-20 feet.  I just thought “O.K., this is it”, and did not care.  At that point my car and I were jerked out of space/time and placed safely in the far lane.  There was no screeching of tires, honking or any indication that anyone saw anything amiss.  For me it felt very powerful and was traumatic. I did not speak of the event to anyone for over a month.  Even thinking of it shook me up.

I had/have heard various theories about linear time being an illusion or that time and space are really just an agreement between us.  I cannot say I understand the relationship between time, space and me.  However, I can say that time and space are not the simple immutable, sequential, linear events I once thought.  I also do not know the power that saved me.

My Process

  For the last several months I have been meditating/reflecting/contemplating in an effort to understand myself and the reality/world that I am living in.  I want to have a good picture of who or what I am, what reality is and how to interact with it  most effectively.  During this period I was not inspired to write so I did not.  I now feel inspired , so, for today, I am writing.

In some ways I am quite exceptional.  I can and have done many things that others cannot do.  I am also extremely bright and often see and understand this world differently than others.  In other ways I am just “another bozo on the bus”.  In some ways I am quite remarkable, in others totally ordinary and in others quite a mess.  It is important for me to respect, admit and love all aspects and act accordingly.  It is also important for me to realize that I am different and will be reacted to accordingly.

I have also concluded that reality is much larger and more complex than I previously thought, an understand which I hope to develop within coming entries.  For now I will just comment that we and other species are constantly interacting with the unseen reality(s) all around us.  The most definite conclusion I have made is that I do not understand what reality is, but that it is much more than I thought.  “I know enough to know I do not know”.

Practice

  This morning I read “From the heart arise unknowable impulses as well as conscious feeling, moods, and wishes The heart, too, has its reasons and is the center of perception and understanding” (Nouwen).  To me the heart is where love and God reside, not thoughts, logic and reasoning.  In most cases thoughts and logic tend to be fear based, focused on consequences and what ifs.  I prefer to focus on love so I go into meditation, shut off my brain, focus feelings and ask myself “What would love do”.  The answers I get have a lot of power, feel right — and are sometimes a bit scary!

Power of Love 2

  I will be going to see my doctor in a few days and I this morning I have been musing on my condition and the problem I present to the medical community.  When I was diagnosed (cerebellar degeneration) I was told that I would never get better — I have.  I was expected to die several years ago — I did not.  Because of my health practices I am 75 and significantly healthier than I was at 60, the opposite of what was expected.  I have not even had a cold since 2015 in spite of having been intimately exposed to various viruses numerous times.  For my own sack I need to express this and see what she has to say.

Power of Love

  During the Quaker meeting I attended yesterday someone spoke the phrase “love is stronger than death”, which came through to me strongly as the voice of truth.  In my helping people die, I generally project love to them in order to ease their transition. I just had the privilege of helping a little dog die by  using love to guide it through its confusion and then to the other side.  In these cases I use love and know that it is stronger than death — but I also know that I do not truly understand.  I know enough to know I do not know

Choices

  Each morning when I get up I have the choice of facing my world and interacting with fear or love — and very different consequences in response to which way I choose.  Those different consequences are both with the world around me and my own health and well being.  If I react with compassion and gratitude to those around me, it feels good and they are likely to do the same.  My health is much better when I focus on love and healing.  Much of the news programs are focused on negative events and possible negative consequences, so I limit my exposure and remind myself that most things are really none of my business anyway.

God's Love

  Today, here in Columbia, MD, I feel cared for and protected by the harmony of the Universe and the loving and peaceful force I know as God.  I find it notable that those forces support me whether or not I am aware of them, acknowledge them or even value them.  They seem to be above those very human, petty concerns.  For example, during my tumultuous “hippy” and even my teen years, if I look back, I can see clear evidence of those forces being part of my life.  I find that attitude to be a good model for me to live by during my own interactions.  I strive to not take the actions of others personally.  Generally I consider the actions of other to be expressions of them, and love them regardless.

A Loving View

  A while back I asked to see the world the way God does.  That simple (perhaps arrogant and/or silly) request changed my view dramatically to one of love.  I began to see the world and its people through a lense of love.  The closest analogy I can think of is the way a loving parent views his or her children.  If I notice someone or myself doing something silly or shortsighted and a bit stupid I tend to find the behavior endearing or even charming. If anything, my love increases.  I only mention some sort of intervention when I am concerned about imminent danger.  My view is pleasant and peaceful and changes nothing!

The Love Seed

  Several years ago during meditation as guided by Nisargadatta Maharaj I encountered a place he called the Absolute and the sense of I am where I could feel love, God, eternity and tremendous power.  Through my meditation I realized that was part of me and later in my work with recovering heroine addicts, I realized that it was part of all of us. I came to know that part of myself as my God or love seed, the origin of my “small quiet voice”.  Later in my life (2006) during my near-death-experience I realized it was the same feeling/presence I call God.  As I said in my last entry, that feeling changes my behavior dramatically.  We all have that capability and feeling inside us and we are not simply “sinful and broken”

Loving Action

  I use the words love, compassion, understanding and God a lot.  I am aware that many people do not like the word God, which used to be me as well.  As far as I can tell, the word or words you choose to use make no difference but how a person acts does.  In the morning I often take a moment to close my eyes and focus on the feeling of love or an image of something or someone I feel love for.  If I can carry that feeling with me during the day it changes all of my interactions during that day and also the way I feel about life in general.  The changes in how others respond to my presence is dramatic.  Acting out of love creates more love.

Working With Spirits

  Today I helped a dog make the transition of dying by guiding them after the moment of physical death to welcoming spirits in that realm.  I did not know I could do that so I asked for guidance and listened. Before being put down she was scared so I generated and then projected the feeling of love, God and eternity to her.  Her spirit was confused in the moments after death so I guided her to the spirit realm and, not being allowed in that realm, I passed her on.  The love and power I encountered there was overwhelming and hard for this physical body to manage.  It’s been several hours and I still feel shaken.

Reality 3

  Recently we experienced a large ($300,000, our life savings) financial loss due to the unethical and probably illegal behavior of our financial advisor.  Through meditation and given my current impression of reality, I realize that this loss is both meaningless and sacred.  If I was “of” this world I would consider this of huge importance and that it called for various actions in retaliation and attempts to get the money back.  I would feel fear and anger and probably cause a great deal of chaos. Alternatively, being “in the world but not of it’, as stated in my book, I could feel love, faith and compassion.  I have done what I can to get my money back ,while also feeling that “the universe is unfolding as it should” (Ehrmann).  The sacred part is that I acted out of love and feel nothing but love and compassion for the man that caused this.

Reality 2

  As I said in my last entry “My reality has shifted”.  I used to really believe in the features of this world like the importance of having a job, an opinion, the right appearance, values that fit this world.  I now feel peace, love and laughter much of the time.  I can also feel the eternity we live in and realize that in that case these things mean little or nothing. I feel that even when I listen to the news about what people are doing to each other and this planet. I even feel love and compassion for people when they are doing me harm.  I am also very aware that this feeling impacts all those around me and that all people are constantly interacting with the unseen reality around them.  I know enough to know I don’t know

Reality?

  I find my current way of looking at the world/reality difficult to get used to ... at times ... and wonderful at other times.  Some time ago I made a switch during deep meditation where I could sense love, peace eternity and what I call God..  I also realized the feeling was the same as during my near-death-experience.  I  use the power of that feeling for my own self healing. I have also used that feeling/power in my healing work with other people and spirits.  I find that I can generate and project that feeling/power in working with others ... but only by allowing it, not reasoning, wishing or forcing.  For that I need a feeling of inner peace and love. I now feel that way most of the time.  My reality has shifted.